not feeling good

All the pain you have had buried deep inside will keep rising to the surface @BlueBay and present itself in these turbulent emotions and tears .... you are entitled to those .... not everyone has been through what you have been through, and not everyone will ne'er stand how you are feeling, and how you are responding .... but we do .... the forums are full of people who hear you, really hear you ... who understand, and we don't grow tired of your tears and turbulent emotions because we know this is your path to healing ....

Rest now, if you have reached that point of fatigue .... you have done enough surfacing of emotions for today .... rest .... breathe deeply .... take some healing sleep on board ....

We are, and always will be, walking with you .... whether on the forums or not .... we know you and carry you with us ....

Wishing you some calm after today's storm, and that you wake up to some sunny internal skies ....

Hugs n hugs ....

💜🐠💕🌷💙🐚💐🐾💗

@BlueBay. Your dad told you to stop showing emotion because he couldn't deal with it.

The reason you cry is because of the trauma you went through as a child. Your mum has some responsibility in this. But she only shows negative emotions or none at all.

You my dear friend, are an emotional human being. Beautifully flawed and perfect like all of us.

So cry or scream if you need to. Sleep if you can. Dance or walk or run or knead that bread dough, if you have excess energy.

Have a long shower. Feel the water as it hits your body. How does it feel on your scalp. Is it loud in your ears. Is it too hot. Too cold? Does it feel refreshing? what do you hear when your head is under the shower rose?

Focus on one thing @bluebay. The shower. Or breathing or kneading the bread.

You will get through the next minute and the next and the next.

Soon it will be morning, and it will be a beautiful day.

You and I will go to work and focus on that tomorrow. And come home tired but knowing we put in a lot of effort and that we did a good job.

Hug yourself. I am hugging you too.

Think we crossed over posts @utopia .... and we were saying the same thing ...

Thank you ...

💙💕 @BlueBay

@Faith-and-Hope. lol either that or I'm stalking you.

I'm not as elequent as you with your posts. But we do love and care for the same people here on this forum. And it's beautiful to be able to see the love and care that people show to each other here.

Could be my tears falling next. Lots of love here. And it's moving.

Hope all is well with you and your hubby. Hope I didn't over do/say things this afternoon with regards to my dad, etc.

@utopia .... not at all ❣. I appreciated it, and now it seems WH is on the mend re his cold .... he ate spanakopita this morning sans jogging .... 😳😧👍🏼

@BlueBay .... it will get better .... but there is something you are missing here Hon ....

When these powerful, painful memories surface, they take up your whole view .... that's the BPD right ? Parallel with this is the beautiful life that is wrapped like a giant hug around you on the outside .... your hubby, your beautiful kids who you have raised so well that they are balanced and getting on with their own lives .... your beautiful Jersey .... and now the adventure of a new home ....

You have given and given and given ,... all those years looking after your MIL and having her live with you .... you gave been a great family member and friend, and it is very clear that they value you at your workplace .... lift your eyes a little and see there is another view ....

Then go to sleep and rest, rest, rest .....

💗💕🌷

@BlueBay. Yes they took something prescious from you. And that can never be forgotten. However, they don't need to take your future.

You need to say this - "You aren't going to take my future". "My future belongs to me - not to you who abused me". "This is my life and I am going to live it well." "You cannot have any more of me. I am done with you. I move on now with my life". "I am healing".

Even if you don't feel these words. Even if they sound fake to you. Say them and say them again and again and again. Keep saying them everyday when you need to. Eventually your brain with take over and will believe these words. They will help you heal.

You now have a great psychologist who is brilliant. You have come so far with your therapy and healing - in these past few months. Your healing journey has already begun. And it will continue.

So now, grab a cup of tea or a glass of water. Say goodnight to your girl and hubby and Jersey. Slip into bed. Close your eyes and breathe. And breathe. and breathe.

And if you get scared or worried. I'm holding your hand. Can you feel my fingers giving yours a gentle squeeze? So breathe. Focus on your breathe. Nothing else. And I'm holding your hand. All night if you need. Breathe and let your tired body and mind finally fall asleep. Breathe. Breathe Breathe.