not feeling good

You can do this Hon - your head is filled with negativity right now and that uis understandable considering how much anxiety you are feeling around your appointment. I feel much the same before my appointments and DBT @BlueBay - Even though you are feeling this way your sessions with the psychologist are helping you to understand yourself and your emotions more - and where this all comes from - it is not an easy journey to take but you are doing that BB and that shows considerable courage. i am super impressed that you are continuing on with doing all this with your psychologist and you continue to reach out here to us and to your GP - strength, courage and a desire to actually get better - you have it all and we can see it for you even when you cannot see it for yourself - you are doing a great job and I am very proud of you my little yellow flower

@Zoe7 You are so kind. I can't do it anymore. I'm at my wits end. I'm tired of all this. I knew it I should have just left snd disappeared this morning. But my doctor was concerned with my comment and wanted to know where I was this afternoon and tomorrow. He wants me to call him tomorrow. Right now I can't think even about tomorrow or even the weekend. He knows my session always triggers me for days so he wants me to stay busy. Ok I've got 4 hrs before I go. I don't know I won't be good. Maybe I won't go. Shld I cancel

oh I don't know what to do.

@Zoe7 Even though she is helping me with my trauma it is the hardest thing to go through. I don't and can't go through this every week. It's difficult I cry so much to the point of exhaustion.

I don't know what to say. I'm really negative.

I understand @BlueBay I was much the same with my psychologist - it was too much for me nut I didn't have a pdoc on board then either and that has made a huge difference to me - getting the meds right and being able to sleep were the priorities.

I do know how you are feeling - it is a lot to be going through. You need to tell your psychologist how you are feeling about it all though Hon - it is really important she knows what effect this is all having on you - she can't know if you don't tell her as although she sees you crying in her room she does not see the impact it has on you for days later - please tell her today about it all. It may be that she can do some exercises with you to help when you leave her.

saw my doctor this morning and we talked about why I'm so down and I told him I don't know. I told him I want to disappear from everyone I want to self harm. I can't sleep I'm crying so much my head is so mixed up. And I told him my psychiatrist has put my name on the waiting list fir hospital. My gp has told me he totally disagrees with hospital stays because he sees me worse after hospital and it takes a good three months to recover. He said it would be good if hubby could come to a session with my psychologist. I will ask her today. He told me I'm improving even though I can't see it. He said he is here to help me. I told him I'm not strong I don't feel strong. He said he sees it but I may not. I'll let you know tonight how I go with my psychologist later.

I think the suggestion by your gp of your husband going to see the psychologist with you is a really positive step @BlueBay You need that support at home and he can only help you if he knows what is going on for you. It may be a really tough conversation to have but you cannot keep going like you have been - you need the support BB

What you went through today in that session today is massive @BlueBay - do not underestimate how brave and strong you are to go through all that with your psychologist

It will also be taking it's toll on you physically so don't beat yourself up that you are feeling like this tonight - it is natural with all that you went through.

Tonight is a total self-care night - maybe have a nice warm bath to ease the tension in your body a bit, a nice warm tea and an early night. Your body needs time to rest after such a deep and difficult session.

Hugs and hugs BB

Thankyou my friend @Zoe7

I don't feel courageous or brace or strong. I feel fragile and weak and emotional. I'm crying now agsin. Damn tears that's all I do. I'm sick of it.

I don't know if I can do any self care tonight. I just feel like I csnt move to do anything.

I am frozen with my emotions and feelings. I'm struggling Zoe.

That is definitely not hard to believe with the session you have just had @BlueBay - be kind to yourself BB - you have just done something that does take strength and courage - you opened up to someone else and told them everything you have been feeling - that is impressive BB. You have done an amazing job with everything you have been through today but you got through it and now you are sitting chatting with me - give yourself a pat on the back for all of that Hon - super impressive

Do you think an early night might be a good thing for you or are you too wound up for that. I am more than happy to keep chatting to you for as long as you need.