not feeling good

Wrap your arms around you @BlueBay ..... hug your inner child and tell her she is safe now ..... and the doctors are going to help her work out how to not be so angry anymore ......

Breathe ...... help to calm yourself with your breathing @BlueBay ...... sending you hugs from here too ......

💙💐💕

My D3 too @BlueBay ..... she has pulled a muscle in her shoulder ..... she is saying “damn pain !” too .....

I've tried that @Faith-and-Hope.
I'm crying I'm still angry
Grrrr I want to run away F&H I want to hide away from the world
I want to die I could just take some meds
I'm crying no one loves me no one cares it doesn't matter

Yes they do @BlueBay ..... the not-angry-you knows that ..... she knows that your family love you, and just how much you love little Ayla ...... focus in on her smile for a little while ...... does she laugh yet ?

Does she have those high-pitched baby squeals and giggles ?

No Ayla doesn't laugh yet. But she smiles all the time. I saw her today and she is such a happy bsby.
But @Faith-and-Hope it wouldn't matter if I had left.

It would @BlueBay ......

My MIL was very difficult when my kids were growing up ..... so difficult that I wanted to pack up and leave, not because I didn’t live my mr anymore, because I did ..... but she was so difficult behind his back it was driving me away, and I knew he wouldn’t believe what was happening if I tried to tell him.

It got to the point where I couldn’t stay. She was making my life a nightmare, and with three small children, one who had special needs and was often in hospital, I just couldn’t cope ......

And mr didn’t believe me about his mum ..... how could he ? He had never seen her behave that way ..... but we agreed that I would have to deal with this situation, or leave, so he stood back (he was always at work anyway) and I took her to task.

Eventually he did start to see how she was behaving, because she expected him to defend her against me, and he didn’t ..... so she got mad at both of us and began to show her true colours ...... then mr put her in her place too.

The thing I am trying to tell you is this ..... I am glad I didn’t leave ..... and I am glad I didn’t block her out of my life either, because for as much trouble as she was, there are still beautiful ways she has influenced our children ......

And we grew to respect each other enough to manage our life and even go on holidays together.

You are a beautiful Nana ..... if one as rough around the edges as my MIL mattered, well you matter more ..... !! Ayla will be missing a lot from her life without you, as my kids did from not having my beautiful Mum around them. Treasure what you have, and hold tight through the bad times for the good times yet to come ......

Hugs and hugs @BlueBay ...... I believe in you.

💙💙💙

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope for telling me about your MIL.
I know what you mean. You see the good me the real me sees that. It's just the bad me doesn't see it. All the bad me wants is revenge act out like Sh or worse. It plays out in a negative way.
I'm about to log off. I'm triggered by another post tonight so I'm not stsying on any longer tonight. I'll be back on tomorrow.
Thsnks for your help F&H
I think I'll now be ok.
BB ❤️❤️

I’m glad to hear it @BlueBay ..... 💐💕

I am going looking for my favourite butterfly again ..... 🦋

Hi @Faith-and-Hope
Up early this morning can't sleep. My back is sore. The muscles are twitching hard to move in bed. I feel a wreck. I'll try and call my doctor this morning and see what he says.
It's so dark outside. It's 6am. I can hear one son getting ready for work. The other is still asleep.
Keep forgetting to tell you and everyone else that my policeman son has only 3 weeks left before he graduates. Very exciting. Actually I think I already wrote it Oh well.
I better go try to get up and get ready for work. Don't know how. If my back doesn't improve I'll come back home from work and try to see my doctor or the physio
Chat soon
BB Xxoo

My mum is a bitch. A very manipulative controlling person. My dad was on a waiting list to have a hernia operation. But apparently he was operated today and neither I nor my sister knew. It happened thst my sister phoned them and asked how dad is and this was her comment " your father has been operated and there are no visitors " "ok I better go now just thought I'd let you know ". Wtf. What is going on. First she doesn't tell us and then no visitors. Wtf. I am furious.
So I decided to call her and ask how dad is (pretending to not know) and she's not home. I will try agsin later.
I know this call won't end well. You see she hasn't called me at all this week. It's funny when I look back when we first talked agsin she phoned me every 2nd day. Now it's whenever. I think we won't talk agsin I have this gut feeling.