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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:06 pm AEDT

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

12926 replies

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In response to: not feeling good

TABSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 9:53 am AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay sounds like a rough day.glad things are better today. I had a contract with gp yrs ago. Felt ok about it at the time but sounds odd now. I was on ads and used tell him anything and everything and at his suggestion I had to bring $50 for him to hold on to as not saving was one of the things making me feel bad. Felt a bit silly going to collect my money when I decided I didn't need to be in contract anymore.
.. hate it when people wake you cos snoring why don't they just go to another room.. hope your day goes okay 😀

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 12:23 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

I’m glad you’re feeling better @BlueBay ..... and I feel for you about yesterday. No wonder you were so wound up .....

Hugs 💙💕

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 3:51 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

I've stuffed up. I never learn nor do i get things right. Yestgerday i did something wrong and i shouldn't have done it but now i have and i am going to get into trouble for it.

I just never learn and i am so bad. why can't i jiust listen to my doctor and his contract and do what he said to do and not be so stupid and overrule his guideline and over rule him.

i always think to myself when angry - damn him and his stupid rules i will just do it - well now i have and i bet i will be paying for it. when tomorrow comes i bet he rings me and i will be in trouble.

i bet he puts more boundaries on me. its my own stupid fault.

i just never learn.

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 3:56 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

You do learn @BlueBay ..... the doctor yesterday spoke his mind to you and that should be enough ......

A contract is there as a discipline ..... and discipline means teaching ...., so the contract is there to teach boundaries, which it is doing ..... but it doesn’t wave a magic wand and make things suddenly perfect.

It’s a learning curve Hon ..... and you have been doing well with it ..... yesterday was an “acid test” - something powerfully stressful had happened - and you threw yourself at the boundary, but the boundary held up.

Onwards, upwards Hon ...... breathe ..... and try to be gentle with yourself. We all have boundaries that we struggle with in our lives ..... it’s not just you.

Hugs ......💙🐚💕

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 4:06 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

I know what you mean @Faith-and-Hope about everyone having boundaries we live within.

My doctor put up a boundary for me - i blew it and now i am angry at myself for blowing it

shouldn't i have learnt from that? no i get angry at myself. why can't i just sit and learn from my mistake and be done with it.

I don't get it with regards to myself because I should jjust move on - today is another day but instead i am still harping on about it; i am still angry about the fact that i couldn't speak to him and about the boundary. part of me wants to call my own doctor tomorrow and tell him what had happened yesterday and how i felt - abandoned and rejected. it's like i need to 'get back at him' for not responding to me yesterday. if the receptionist didn't tell me to call back when she did i wouldn't have called back and i probably would have been okay; but the fact that she told me to call back at that time and i could speak to him but then the answering was on - well that's what made me even more angrier.

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 5:01 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

And I understand about getting angry with yourself about it too @BlueBay ..... those feelings matter too ..... it’s just what to do about them to try to steady yourself up again afterwards.

It means practicing anger management strategies ...... self-care practices .....

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 5:03 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

@Faith-and-Hope i don't know any anger management strategies. That's the probelem with borderline personality disorder - when someone is angry or their emotions are very high it takes a long time for their emotions to come back down to a 'normal' level.

i am home alone and don't know what to do??

i am starting to feel fidgety and anxious etc etc

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 5:11 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

When you were in hospital, did they discuss this with you @BlueBay ? While people challenged with borderline take a long time to calm down their angry feelings, some other people who don’t have borderline do as well ..... for a variety of reasons ..... so you are able to identify that this is an area of concern for you as a life skill.

Distraction is one of the best methods I know for getting out of your head (emotions) when they are boiling over ...,. and so is physical activity (@Phoenix_Rising reminded me of that yesterday ..... she does planking). Maybe scrub out the bathroom or stovetop, or vacuum the house.

Self-care is another strategy ..... like the hot shower, or sweet-smelling hand cream .....

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 5:14 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

no the hospital didn't discuss this at all. thanks for the info. i will try some of these. actually the shower needs cleaning i could try this now while waiting for hubby and son to come home.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 5:28 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Tomorrow i am seeing a new psychologist. It has been at least 6 months since seeing my last psychologist while in hospital.

I am anxious about seeing someone new because i have to say everything from the start and it always stirs things up emotionally. having to tell someone about my childhood abuse is always hard emotinally and i end up a mess. then having to go through what my parents said and did and how they treated me over the past few years is always difficult.

it's been hard not seeing a pscyhologist as i have had to deal with my issues on my own or use my GP. and although my GP is fantastic he is not a qualified pscyhologist or counsellor, he can only help to a certain point.

I need this appt tomorrow so badly, i can't wait to go. There is so much i need to just pour out and get off my chest. so much to say and let all my emotions out.

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