not feeling good

Hi @Former-Member

I had a not so good day at work today. The two ladies that work with me totally ignored me and were chatting together without consulting with regards to work that had to be done. It wasn't until much later that I had to ask what was going on that one of them explained to me. I felt so left out, abandoned and felt shit. It was horrible. I hate feeling like that and it's not the first time this has happened.

i bought a pair of black shoes, just in case I get called in for an interview for the jobs i have applied for. i want to be ready with what i will wear.

Still haven't heard from the psychologist regarding my letter to her. I don't care anymore I am totally over her and her actions.

I am looking forward to seeing this new lady, i just hope she is nice and i will explain to her what happened and ask her if this situation arises again (not having enough money to pay for session) if she will allow me to pay when hubby gets paid. i want to know in advance that it would be okay. i think it will because the receptionists are lovely and have let me pay my psychs fees a few days later before. They understand.

I so need a new job, i can't live like this anymore. I hate it, having to live on donations it is horrible, i feel so not normal, i feel like a homeless person who relies on whatever i can get.

the CAT team clinician is going to call me tomorrow afternoon after she has a meeting with her staff reg. trying to get me to have a case manager and then be able to do DBT therapy within the hospital. That would be fantastic if that can happen.

You know @Former-Member i just want to be normal, i want to be able to go to work and earn good money, live a life of happiness, peace and not be depressed. i want my past to go away and i want to just enjoy myself. But right thhis minute I can't and i'm not. It's sad isn't it when I can't even enjoy my life. at the moment the only joy i get is my little grand daughter who is almost 4 months old. she doesn't judge me, she doesn't know, she just gives me love unconditionally, i hug her so much, i kiss her lots and wrap my arms around her so much. And that's how i feel the peace around me. and then i cry because i never got that from my own parents.

What have you been up to today? it is so hot here, we are inside with the air con on.

hope you are well 🙂

BB xxxooo

Hi @BlueBay

Sorry to read what happened to you today at work. It isn't a nice experience to feel left out. It may not have to be for much longer when you get another job! I admire how you keep up with everything considering you are going through a rough patch. Well done!

The main thing in regards to the situation with your psychologist is you chose to politely expressed how it effected you and that can help us move past it.

I think your idea of discussing payment plans with your new psychologist is a good one. That way you can prevent what happened before from reoccurring. I hope she is a good fit for you. This can be trial and error, but it's wonderful how you are reaching out for help.

It would be wonderful if you have the opportunity to undertake DBT - an added bonus that may benefit you.

So much to look forward to BlueBay. So many possibilities to explore. That's the beauty of life regardless at what it throws at us.

It can be hard to find peace when we worry about those things that try us - keep focusing on your beautiful granddaughter and the light of her love. As that is the only true happiness that ever lasts.

My day has been a bit uneventful as I have a virus at the moment. So have managed to go up the road to fill a script, buy some food and then back home again to rest. You have accomplished much more than me! I do have to try and clean the house tomorrow though as it's becoming untidy and that gets to me, especially seeing we are putting it on the market soon. Life can be frustrating at times, but I tackle it one day at a time. Eitherwise my blood pressure soars! Not good. I figure the worry is not worth a heart attack for me. So I just go with the flow.

Its been overcast here, but still very humid. I hope we get some much needed rain. I love listening to it fall, it soothes me. And my native sub-tropical garden loves it too!

I still have everything crossed for you with your job interviews and hoping you land the one you want soon and life goes on a smoother course for you. Sending warm hugs ❤️

Sorry to read what happened to you today at work. It isn't a nice experience to feel left out. @BlueBay, sending you lots of hugs my friend

Hi @Former-Member

I hope you get well soon

Putting the house on the market is such a hard job. I know we sold our home last year, not sure if you remmeber. It was so stressful. Keeping it clean for open house was always hard. But we finally sold and bought a newer place and love it. Fingers cross for you that you sell and buy a beautiful place that you will love too.

You know i realised last night that i take things so personally at work. I was still angry last night, i spoke to my husband about it. You see one of the ladies that i work with is supposed to be 'my friend' and that makes it difficult at times. she likes to take over and act like a manager at times with my job and it really annoys the crap out of me. and i never answer back or say anything, i just do as im told and carry on. but inside i am boiling. i know it's not good but this is me 😞 she irritates me so much that i am still angry while typing this to you now. she needs to concentrate on her job and leave the shop girls alone and do our job. i am so glad she is not in today. last week when i was in hospital for the day and didn't go to work she never asked me how i was the next day, completely ignored me. didn't say a word. so much for a being a friend. and then this week when i had to leave early to see my psych she turned around and said 'well you gotta do what you gotta do' . i had the approval of the pharmacist for leaving early and that was all i needed, i didn't need comments from her like that. she was annoyed because i wasn't there to cover lunches, her lunch!!!

OMG i am still angry, this is bad.

I so hope i get one of the jobs i applied for, i really need to leave. there is so much politics and crap going on at the moment. even with management its horrible.

this morning i am catching up with a close friend for a coffee and venting and she knows of this friend who works with me, so we can chat and i can vent all i want!!!!

i don't need this extra stress, pressure on me right now.

Hi @BlueBay

Good to hear from you again. That's great how you found a beautiful new home that you love. Enjoying our home is so important I feel. Somewhere we can recharge and rest after a hard day. Our personal space to reflect and enjoy. We should be placing ours on the market in March. We are building a new home on the sea about 10 minutes up the road from where we are living now. I am so looking forward to it as I love walking along the beach every morning - a beautiful start to my day (it will get me fit too!). But not the selling and moving part etc.

I can have similar issues with my manager at my volunteer work. It can get on ones goat 😬. But she is a good person with a good heart so I put up with it and just focus on the job at hand. I also help the customers where I can - and that makes me feel better about everything.

I do hope that you get one of the jobs you applied for two. I have everything crossed. Eventually regardless you will land one.

I hope the coffee with your friend turned out well and you enjoyed yourselves. Sounds like you are blessed with a beautiful immediate family and friends. Very special. It's good you have someone you can vent to.

Let us know how the job interviews goes. Hope you have a relaxing weekend @BlueBay. Thinking of you.

Hi @Former-Member @Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@utopia@Zoe7

I'm bored today, it has been raining quite a bit. No where to go today, nothing to do.

I have a book to read but can't be bothered. did the washing this morning and cleaned the bathrooms but that's it.

Prob have an early night tonight cause i am feeling really tired. I am feeling really sad too 😞

what's everyone up to today? is the weather nice where you are @Faith-and-Hope??

i better go and help cook dinner - home made hamburgers yum!!

💙🐚💕 @BlueBay .....

Its hot here today. 36deg. Some of the kids were here for lunch, now three have left for the movies.

I am feeling really tired too, so just resting up this afternoon, hoping to feel up to a river walk this evening.

Sorry to read you are feeling really sad @BlueBay. The weather up here was really hot and humid but just now a lovely breeze is coming through and has cooled down quite a bit.

I have been doing some homework with the music on and whirling around whilst cleaning. Making a bit of fun for myself for awhile. Then sat down for abit and watched a really good movie with hubby. My daughter and her boyfriend were going to come around but something else came up so they didn't pop round. So an easy day. Am still feeling a little sick and queasy though. I may have to go back to the GP.

Maybe watching a good happy movie may help you to relax this evening? Homemade hamburgers sound delicious - enjoy 😊

Hello @BlueBay

hot up here too my friend

we did some mowing this morning, mr shaz is losing interest in work very quickly

this afternoon we have been watching shows we taped during the week