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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:06 pm AEDT

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

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In response to: not feeling good

Zoe7Senior Contributor30 Dec 2017, 5:43 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hey BB

I don't have any answers for you today @BlueBay - not doing so well myself. I know part of it for me is this time of year and over doing it - and the rest is just the normal ups and downs (mostly downs still), no sleep, no energy, etc. etc.

I think we all feel the weight of MI at this time of year - even if we are doing relatively okay. So don't beat yourself up for not feeling 'on top of things' - it sucks but you can ride it out - you have before BB

You and I both know once your negative self-talk takes hold you find it difficult to find any positives - but they are there - and the BB I 'see' know is sooo different to the one I first met a year ago. Even at your lowest - you know what you need to do - you do think of some positives in your life, and a lot has happened over the last year that you have coped with incredibly well despite your negative feelings. Look back over the last year and recognise there have been massive changes in your life but through those changes you have continued to find the strength and courage to face each day and cntinue to move forward. There is a lot you can be proud of BB and a lot yet to look forward to.

...stilll sitting on your shoulder my beautiful yellow flower...

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor30 Dec 2017, 6:18 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

💜 @BlueBay ...... 😘

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor30 Dec 2017, 6:45 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay.
Can you just try and accept the emotions? You are sad today.
If your negative self talk gets stronger and stronger - then you need to do your self care. What did you learn in your classes? What did you learn at the hospital? What has the doctor said to do?
Do it. You know how. It's just hard to start. Once you start it will get easier.
Sending hugs. ♥♥♥

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor31 Dec 2017, 4:40 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hi @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7

Thanks guys for your help. I ended up watching tv and then my daughter came over with the baby. Well that was a big distraction!!!

You know @utopia I was thinking about your post - I find it difficult to accept when I have an emotion eg. when i am sad, happy or angry - i just don't accept my emotion. It's as if i need an answer as to why i am like that, when in actual fact it's okay to be sad, happy or angry. (does that make sense??)

I need to work on this one - it's a black and white thinking??

My doctor has told me to distract myself eg. go for a walk, crochet, sometyhing that will take my mind of my negative thoughts. I think a lot of the times i don't believe in myself enough, or i don't trust myself enough that i can do it.

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor31 Dec 2017, 5:08 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay. Simply accepting your emotions, without asking how why what etc, is not easy. But sometimes it's beneficial just to let the emotions fly.
Othertimes it's necessary to distract yourself from negative self talk. And then there are times when you nees to look at what you are thinking and dissect it - to make sure you are not holding onto stuff you don't need to own.
It's trying to sort out what you need at any given time.
I hope you have a lovely NYE. Might see you around the party post here on the forum, later tonight

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor03 Jan 2018, 6:14 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hi @Faith-and-Hope @utopia@Zoe7@Shaz51@Former-Member and everyone else reading this

2018 has to change for me - I am desperate to change jobs right now. we are in financial stress with no money, literally only $100 left for a week to cover petrol for 2 cars, food and bills.

I am not sleeping thinking about this all night, i am strssed to the max. hubby is not saying much but i think he is strssed as well.

i have applied, in desperation, for 2 new jobs yesterday. they are admin jobs which pay more than my current job. but the trouble is i am not sure if i am confident enough to go for an interview if selected. i am so anxious i wish i had some meds with me right now to take.

I am 15kg overweight due to menopause and medication. I have lost all motivation to exercise even walking around the block.

i wish i could shut all this out and turn it all off and start again - but - i can't 😞

i chatted online with Lifeline last night and they were worried that i was going to SH, so they helped me calm down by online chat. but they were close to calling the authorities.

i feel i will never get better, i feel that my depression will stay with me forever and that this is my life now. dark, desperate and horrible. desperate for money, desperate for a better life.

i wish i had something to hug right now 😞

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Shaz51Senior Contributor03 Jan 2018, 6:24 pm AEDT