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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

12926 replies

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In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

I don't really know her thinking @Faith-and-Hope

She wouldn't have invited all thre kids. she would have just invited me and hubby. as that is what she did with my sister. she never invites her children. which is a shame as she will then never see her other grandchildren or great children.

no, i think it is because of what happened in previous years with our falling out. and okay, i am having my xmas with my family tomorrow, but she could have invited me yesterday when i went over for a coffee and cake. but i guess i am not important enough.

i am trying to not let it get to me but at times today it has and i get upset and feel hurt by her actions.

do i let it go? i know i will enjoy tomorrow and it is her loss isn't it? they are the ones that will miss out.

what are you doing tomorrow for christmas?

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Try to let it go @BlueBay and just accept that that is how she is ..... and yes, it’s her loss .....

It actually silly sounds like she doesn’t like children ...... ?!

Usually we have the whole extended family to our house for Christmas, but not this year. Our kids have developed social anxiety in reaction to our situation, so it’s going to be very quiet this year. Two of our kids are away, and another married pair are having lunch at the in-laws ..... so mil is joining the other 5 of us .... and that’s it. We will visit an in-law house later in the day, but probably without the kids.

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

So pleased to know you are out of hospital in time for Christmas @BlueBay. Your family must be so glad to have you home in time. Wouldn't be the same for them if you weren't there.
So good that you took over a present for your mum and dad. Don't let them get to you.
You showed your character and morals by taking them a gift. Your mum and dad showed you theirs. You mum doesn't even include her grandkids for Christmas. Would you really like to celebrate Christmas that way?
I think the Christmas brekkie and dinner with your family sounds like the perfect Christmas day. Your 3 children, you and hubby and Forum Grandbaby. THAT'S A REAL FAMILY CELEBRATION!
Focus all your attention on that.
By the way, I noticed you didn't answer an earlier question of mine- have you spoilt your Granddaughter with Christmas gifts this year?

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Well said @utopia ..... ❣️

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Oh @utopia I forgot!!!

Yes, yes and yes I have spoilt her with gifts. I bought her books, lots of clothes and toys.

She is one spoilt baby this year. Even my boys have boughts lots of things for her. I am so surprised at how much love my boys have for her. These two uncles have for their neice. It's so special and nice to see. Before she was born they didn't really care, but as soon as she was born - OMG it all changed!! Now they fight over who can hold her first!! It's funny to see.

Yeah, I know I am lucky to have a lovely family, three beautiful children who care so much and want to be around.

But there is still that little bit of me that wants my dad, just that little bit. It's hard to explain. My eyes well up whenever I think of him.

Anyway, it's their loss, i can't do anymore than what i am doing.

what are yoiu doing tomorow @utopia

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

I felt the same as your boys @BlueBay the minute my niece was born (24 years ago). It was such a strong instant love.
Your dad and mum are going to do what they have always done. Try not to expect a different outcome from the same behavior. I'm sorry, it's just not going to happen. Their loss. They are losing more than you.
Yiu have something they don't - the love and genuine respect of your children. Because you deserve it.
If you think of your dad, just brush those thoughts aside & focus instead on your immediate family.
Yes I knew you would spoil her rotten!! I knew it. She can never be too young to be into books. I'm sure her mum and dad will read to her often.
I wonder when she will be left with Grandma (you) - while the parents go and have date night. Oh, & her first sleep over at Grannies house. All important milestones that will happen in 2018.
So much to look forward to.

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay. My son and I had Christmas lunch at my mums today with my brother and sil and my nieces and nephew. I was dreading it. Wondeting if my mood would cope. But there was nothing to worry about. I had a nice time.
Tomorrow it will just be my son and I and mum eating the left overs. Yummm.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Not trusting my emotions today. feeling angry overwhelmed and sad, very sad.

used lifeline last night

rang my GP last night and told him i am not coping wanted extra meds to take but he would see me. so he told me to distract myself and use my skills that i already know. i told him off and said to him 'you are pushing me to my limit and i can't do this anymore'. he told me he believes in me and that i am strong that i can get through this'.

i am angry at him for not seeing me last night.

i have to ring the other doctor this morning to tell him how i am feeling and he will let my doctor know.

have to see a couple counsellor next week but can't afford it so have to cancel the appt. why does everything rely on money

it is so bad

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

hi @utopia @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

i don't know what to do anymore about how i feel.

the other GP rang me this afternoon to touch base on how i was feeling

i told him i was no good, i didn't trust myself with my emotions, not sure about SH, my mood is very low, i told him that my depression is not great either

he asked if i was going to SH and i said no not while my family are here because i cover up and put a happy brave face for them

he has aksed me to contact him tomorrow to touch base again

i don't understand whyh i am feeling so depressed again, is it the meds?? is it this time of year??

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

tears are overflowing

my heading is spinning too

i don't know which way to go

cause I'm feeling so damn blue

emotions are everywhere

from anger to despair

can't work out why

thoughts of just die

i don't know why I'm thinking like this

I'll just give my granddaughter one more kiss

and then I'll hide into bed

because I've got a sore head

my head is so mixed up inside

just like a tanged web with no pride

it's just loosing control of all this now

i really dont' know what to do anymore

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