not feeling good

Hi @Former-Member @utopia @Shaz51 @Appleblossom and anyone else reading this

I feel left out - at work and don't know what to do

About a year ago I used to be "in charge" of things around the pharmacy, ordering stock, seeing reps about ordering stock, replacing staff when we were short etc etc etc.

Then a young girl was made full time (i work 4 days) actually she does too now!!!

and she now does everything that i used to do and does not include me in any discussions about what we should order for the shop. we are a small shop so you would think that communication would be important. well i would have thought. but no we had a rep from a make up company come in on friday and i used to deal with her but this young girl spoke to her in front of me and did not involve me at all. the rep was trying to involve me as well but i felt so left out it was terrible.

i ended up walking away feeling rejected, abandoned and not wanted. i still feel like this today and don't want to go to work.

even the supervisor was funny with me last week when he came in, he was there before me but in a closed room so i didn't see him. he finally came and eventually said hello to me and then left without saying goodbye. it was really strange feeling i got while he was there.

i don't know how to feel with this young girl. she is a nice girl. am i over thinking things with what's going on? over reacting??

i feel that all i do now is dust and clean shelfs where as before i would see reps, order stock, sort out things from the prevoius week and do some admin work. where as now there is none of that.

i don't know ......

Oh, that's really hard @BlueBay, feeling ' left out ' - replaced - redundant - inadequate - treated unfairly - ignored - irrelevant...
I know it well, you are not alone!

I've walked the hard yards trying to heal from childhood trauma triggers such as you describe. I feel it with you - that feeling of being "left out" can be so painful for people with BPD / cPTSD (anxiety & depression). Others can just let it roll off their back, not give it a second thought, not care, but not us - it penetrates before we even know what it is. I resent this about my MI so much. Do you?

Wouldn't it be nice to go a day without being wounded by people? Not that they mean to mind you, not usually - its taken me a lifetime to realise that (slow learner 😞).

In the past I would have interpreted your situation as my hint to leave, and I would move on, and on, and on... ... Get in first so to speak (not wait for them to sack / reject me - that would be unbearable). Its only in retrospect that I can see how it controlled my life - "it" being that fear of abandonment. I really do hear you 💜 But in you, I also see sooooo much more resilience.

I'm so proud of you for swallowing your pride and keeping your job. In some ways, as Faith-and-hope & Utopia have intimated - it really is a blessing in disguise - the reduction in stress. It will leave you with more energy to put into other things you really enjoy outside of work. A kind of semiretirement. Yes, it is a loss of a kind (and we don't handle that well either), but you're doing great BlueBay. Depression itself is a fulltime job, and you have hubby & family as well as work on top of so much internal stress - you truly can stand tall! Hugzz💜

I tend to agree with the others @BlueBay

but also a word about the workforce being more concerned about its own status rather than yours. It is not a compassionate society even if their is friendliness among colleagues.

As you are also working alongside this young un, not raising it all could become stressful like the elephant in the room.

Also I have found many young career females to be overly assertive and out for their no 1. Big toe in elbows in ... use me up .... then elbow me out. Hmmmm ... so I hear you on many levels.

Perhaps when you are feeling good there may be a way to raise it directly with her. Talk about protocols and respect and that when you are present on a matter in which you have lot of experience you could be consulted ...

something like that ????

Take care and go gently with it all though.

Hello @BlueBay sending you tender hugs my awesome friend

Hi @utopia and @Shaz51 and anyone reading this

I am doing okay except for my lower back. I have been having trouble for the past week. I have been seeing my chiro weekly to help relieve my pain. And with this heat now my ankles and feet have swelled up.

My son (police force one) is doing a week's placement at the local police station, he is loving it. doing different tyhings every day. my younger son has gone to Sydney for the week only telling me just last week that he was going with his mates and then catching up with his mates (contiki tour mates) thta he met while overseas last year.

My daughter and her lovely beautiful baby is doing well. but the heat is affeting the baby a little, poor baby, she has been screaming. she has a little bit of reflux so she is seeing a specialist on monday. hoping he will give her something to help thre pain. she is already 9 weeks old. i can't believe how much she has changed.

me - well i am okay. one day i am fine the next i am a mess. i tend to cry at night when i go to bed.

we are struggling again financially and i am really stressing to the max. i phoned my GP yesterday and told him i wasn't coping and that life was too hard and i wanted out. he suggested i speak to hubby about our finances which i did. hubby stressing as well. i am at the moment looking for another job but am too scaed to apply because of lack of confidence and self esteem. i am really scared.

it is so hot here i am going to the beach with hubby as soon as he gets home in about 10 mins.

i know i haven't been on here very much, i used to come on every night but lately i am spending more time with hubby watching tv, or just sitting. and now with daylighty savings we go for walks at night with Jersey.

How are you both? do you cope well with the heat?

i will write again soon,

take care

BB xxxooo