not feeling good

I don't know @Former-Member about the public system. The hospital where I will go have a new unit which is for low risk patients and has 6 beds and maximum stay of 3 days. But as of this morning all beds are taken up. so if someone gets discharged tomorrow morning I can go in. If not I am stuck. But my first preference is the private hosptial, because I have been there before and I then will stay for 1-2 weeks. But again it's all up to the psych's as they discharge their patients, and the unit manager never knows until the last minute.

So it's a waiting game. But it's making me very anxious cause i don't know anything more.

I'm trying to stay busy but it's not helping. My daughter and partner are coming over for dinner, i am going to cook chicken risotto for dinner.

Did you take the kids out to play yesterday afternoon? Today was a nice day down here, but now it's getting cold. i think i need the heater on as i am freezing, my fingers and body is really cold.

It's a hard question to answer but i reckon i will never get 'better' i think i will be able to manage my mental illness to a certain degree and learn to live with it.

Waiting for a phone call is causing me to be so anxious.

Neither the private hospital or the public hospital or the CAT team have called. I am home waiting. The anxiety is really high i don't know what to do.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

I went out and bought some baby wool. Lincraft have this new white and pink bulky wool so i bought 2 balls and i am going to crochet a little blanket.

just made some lunch so i am busy now. i just wish my phone would ring and it would be the CAT team.

@Faith-and-Hope

I'm upset and damn angry now. I just phoned the CAT team who i saw on Friday. I asked if she knew anymore about the bed availability in the public system. She replied the beds are full and won't know when there is an availability. And the private hospital is full also. GREAT, now I have nothing. There is nowhere else to go.

I guess now i have to go back to work tomorrow because I can't stay home just sitting here waiting. I am so angry wigth this whole mental health system.

Maybe i should SH more and then they would put me in somewhere. That's dumb isn't it??

God i am angry, i feel so hurt. Last week she was so nice to me, today she was short and cold on the phone, no no beds available, okay thanks - that's all she could say on the phone 😞

@BlueBay I'm sorry you can't get the support you need right now. I certainly know what it is like to be turned away from a hospital when you reach out for support. It is super scary and super sucks. The whole system is messed up. As you say, if you were to SH, they would have to put you somewhere. This is precisely the sort of situation that really should be avoided with people with BPD. We get turned away when we seek support in healthy ways, and then we get labelled as manipulative if we SH in a desperate attempt to get the support we know we need. It's so so SO wrong. A lot of my trauma-related stuff is now due to the mountain of shaming and icky experiences I've had in hospital when I have taken desperate measures to get support. Thus, I don't think that is a helpful approach.

Even though it is super super SUPER hard managing the big feelings on my own, I do find that doing so avoids further complications arising out of others (e.g. police, hospital staff) adding to the muddle through their insensitivity. Also, once the big feelings have settled a bit, I get a nice empowered feeling through having managed to ride the wave by myself.

I'm not sure that any of that is remotely helpful to you. I guess I just wanted to let you know that I hear you and I get it.

Well this is a kick in the guts right now.

I just bit the bullet and rang the private hospital to see what is happening. i have been told now that there is at least a 2-3 week waiting list. as my psych is away the other pysch admitting for him may not even admit his patients. Go figure, so what happens to me and the other patients. my psych comes back on the 14 september so what do we do - hang around in cyber space just wiating.

I feel i have been rejected, abandoned and just shoved in a corner. Not cared for at all. So my GP jjust called and i told him i am angry and he agreed it wasn't good about the hospital bed situation. he feels for me and understnds my anger.

i need to get out of here, i need to go for a long long walk before i SH