not feeling good

Thank you @Former-Member for posting my post last night, i had trouble logging on from my mobile phone.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope@Phoenix_Rising@Zoe7 and other i have forgotten

As you can read the above post i am going bak into hospital as early as possibly tomorrow.

not a good weekend or friday terrible.

i just wanted to say that friday was my mum's birthday which was the terrible trigger that started this roller coaster of SH and pain.

yesterday while in hospital i met a peer worker, a guy. he spoke to me for an hour. he told me he read my notes and my story resonated with him and his story so he wanted to come and see me and let me know that he understands what i am going through. we spoke, i cried, he listened andn i told him that i was scared of seeing the 'real' me as i am not sure who she is. he said that he can see a beautiful person in the 'real' me, a genuine caring person, i burst into tears. he said i need to learn to stay in the present moment and not let the past take over or the future get in the way. just let it come, cry and then get back in the presentn moment. it made sense what he said. from the conversations we had i took away that exact thing - to live in theh moment, not the past or the future. he was such a lovely guy. i thanked him so much, and told him i was glad to have met him. he said it was meant to be that he was glad he met me too. he said i had helpted him and that he had helped me.

i burst into tears again. it was an emotional exhausting day.

anyway i better go now, packing my bag for poss hospital stay.

pls take care, i prob won't be able to come on here while in hospital.

BB xxxooo

thanks @Former-Member

@BlueBay i hope the hospital stay does you good, it seems your getting the right support and help.

hi @Former-Member

Hi @BlueBay,

I'm glad you met a peer worker at the hospital. It sounds like that was a really valuable conversation.

I can understand your angst around returning to work. I super hate it when people become aware of my muddle due to situations like the one you describe.

I hope you get what you feel you need from the hospital stay. I've never been in a private hospital - I've only ever had crisis admissions in the public system. Thus I don't really have a sense of what people get out of being in hospital. For me, hospital equates to being shamed for being...well...me. However, I gather things are very different in the private system, so I hope you find it helpful.

💙🐚💕 @BlueBay ......

Hi @Faith-and-Hope @Phoenix_Rising @outlander @Former-Member

I am NOT in hospital. I am SO ANGRY. I rang the hospital this morning first thing and they told me 'sorry we don't have a bed and the waiting list is at least 2-4 weeks away". WTF!!!! And then she said 'because your psych is away he is not able to admit you" to which I said i know that he told that another psych would admit me and would see me whihle in hospital. Oh no, she replied she is injured.

So now I have no psych to see, no hospital amdission, no nothing. I understand that there is a waiting list to go into this hospital but i had a bed for admission last friday and i gave it away, that is my fault, i get that and someone else has taken it. but i doubt that there is a 2-4 week waiting. what if it was an emergency? when my psych rang the unit manager on tuesdy i could have got in on friday 3 days not 3 weeks. i just don't get it.

I went to see my GP and started SH again while waiting to see him. i told him about it and he was not impressed with how i am being treated. he decided to call them and will call me this afternoon. I am also waiting to hear from the CAT team clinician who said she will call me this afternoon to see how i am going.

I may as well see if i can make an appt to see the psych from the public system. i can't wait for 7 weeks to see my psych. that's too long especially at the moment.

I have taken 2 days off work, i will see now what is happening with the hospital. hubby has taken 3 days off work so he is now organising the garage and all the boxes.

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope im still angry need to calm down

My doctor just called he said the hospital unit manager told him i could have a bed by end of the week and that she phoned my psych and he said i can go in and someone else will see me

It gets very frustrsting when waiting

Im feeling sick with a stomach bug havent stopped using the toilet today my head is not good i wush all of this would go away forever

Hearing you @BlueBay ..... 💕