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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:06 pm AEDT

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

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In response to: not feeling good

Unknown userMember04 Jan 2017, 12:05 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

you're not stupid @BlueBay just dealing iwth crappy stuff thats happened to you that wasn't 'normal' or acceptable or ok. so if bad stuff happened to you that was not normal and so far out side of okay that its impossible to survive with out some sort of damage how could we just be 'normal' and ok. not sure if that makes any sense.

yes my kidlets are home with me this week. they want to be out doing stuff all the time but just trying to get house a bit undercontrol before the cleaner comes today... i cancelled since school finished as i havent been up to having any one over but now need some help again. but feeling extremely anxious about her coming. i've done heaps this morning and exhausted as i didnt sleep last night.

i also have support person coming over tomorrow afternoon and i havent seen her since before school finished and a lot of stuff has happened. they all expect me to have moved on from that already i think. but i havent/cant see a way forward. its easy for everyone to say its ok and don't worry about it...

Sorry!

So i think my point was when i started writing that (and went off on a selfish tangent)... tht i don't want to see/be part of the world either sigh.. but we hve family, kids (big or little) that need us to be part of the world. Youre allowed to be angry, you deserve to be angry and you should be angry with all the crap that's happened to you. How can you be angry in productive way? Can you go dig a hole and throw some angry letters in? or write some of the anger down and burn it? go to a boxing class? i'm not sure... my psychologist told me to go out to a secluded place and scream... notsomething i could do but maybe work for soemone else...

and i do want to hear from you, i feel better, less alone, knowing that soemone else is struggling in similar ways to me (i hope that doesnt sound terrible!)

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor04 Jan 2017, 1:04 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay. I just spent 3 hours cleaning mymums deck with cleaner and high pressure thingame.
Am exhausted and can't straighten my back.
There's 2 things I can suggest for you;
1 - do something really physical. Like cleaning out the garage - mowing the grass - going for a run or using a punching bag.
You have so much pent up energy. You need to use it up.
2 - grab pen and paper. Sit in a quiet spot and wwrite, write, write. Whatever comes to mind. Even if it's gibberish. Even if it doesn't make sense. Don't worry about spelling or grammar.
Have you ever written about each incident of abuse before?
Other than that, it's back to keeping busy and avoiding the thoughts.
What can you do today?
Does Jersey need a long walk? Does Jersey need a bath and a brush?
What about playing some soothing music while you colour in?

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor04 Jan 2017, 3:09 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hi @utopia@Former-Member@Former-Member@Zoe7@Decadian

Thanks everyone for helping me. I ended up getting a text msg from a friend who i haven't seen for a while. Our boys are good mates. We finally caught up for lunch and I have just got home. 2 hour lunch, chat in the sun was beautiful.

I am home now with the air con on I don't think i will go to the beach because i will not find a car park because of all the tourists!!! Oh well I will wet Jersey with the hose and have a coffee in the outside deck area with hubby, he just came home from work.

Just as well my friend text for lunch otherwise i would have called lifeline again or the CAT team and who knows what would have happened.

Feeling pretty tired today, think i will just chill out and colour in my colouring book with my coffee and maybe a bit of chocolate 🙂

@utopia that's a huge job cleaning the deck. We need to restain ours this weekend. I can understand that you would be exhaustged and your poor back, pls be careful.

Yes i do have so much pent up anger, i am hoping that i can get an appt tomorrow to see new psychologist if she has a cancellation. so much to say to her, maybe i need to write it down in my book.

I am sorry i haven't been here for some of you when you needed support, i suppose i am selfish because i think it's me that needs help and no one else. i am really sorry. i am not a mean person, i sometimes forget when i am in a crisis that there are others out there who need more help than me.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember04 Jan 2017, 3:22 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

sounds like a good shift in your day, enjoy sitting out on the deck, its sounds lovely and peaceful.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor04 Jan 2017, 4:58 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay .... 💕

I agree with what everyone else has been saying to you .... this is all part of your healing journey, and there will be days and times that absolutely suck .... which is why it is so important to get some strategies in place for yourself, like distracting with attractive activities - lunch with a friend, colouring, movie, music, etc - and doing something physical to burn up the adrenaline that the surfacing anger produces in you .... in turn that helps with sleep issues ... and so on ....

You are doing really well, and we are here for your angry days as well ....

Love n hugs .....

💗💕🐚

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor04 Jan 2017, 6:27 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay. No need to appologise. We all need help from time to time. And you havesuffered a fair whack in 2016 with all these med and psych changes. You help all the time.
Sometimes all I need is to write my worries here. So it's nice when you and others send warm wishes or strength. Most of the time thats all I need.
You have some good luck coming to you. How great your friend called right when you needed a distraction. Brilliant timing. Even your hubby is calling you when you need him. So remember, you have lots of support here & in the 'real' world. You have lots of people who are cheering you on. We can see the progress you've made. We can see how far you have climbed up the mountain.

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor05 Jan 2017, 9:00 am AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Thanks guys for your continuing support and love. I'm currently at the doctors getting my asthma checked. Still having trouble.
The agent is coming late afternoon for us to sign papers for selling our home. Nervous✅ Anxious✅Scared ✅excited ✅✅

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor05 Jan 2017, 9:21 am AEDT