not feeling good

@BlueBay Definitely with @utopia. Look after you and focus on tonight. Deal with tomorrow - tomorrow. Get some sleep my friend. I'll keep checking in on you

I am so proud of you @BlueBay .... you are taking very healthy steps and a good attitude about getting through tonight even though you are feeling so badly ..... that's awesome that you have disconnected the way you are feeling from the actions you need to take for self-care ..... and you are choising to do the right things to support yourself .... so well done ❣

I hope you are feeling stronger in the morning, and we are all looking forward to your progress respon ts as you work in with your support doctors .....

Baby steps @BlueBay .... and you're doing it .....

Big hugs from me .... and I hope you get some good rest, if not good sleep tonight .... keep doing the best you can cos it's all progress.

We all help each other, and you don't know wha t a help it is to others to see the steps you are taking to cope with your situation .... it helps to boost the courage of others to keep doing their best too ....

❤️💕💐🌷💗❣🐠

Hi @BlueBay

I am sorry this is all happening right now - and I am so glad there are so many people adding suggestions

Having your son triggers your memories is really hard - I seem to recollect that a family member abused you - and maybe this son has attributes he has inherited - and wow - this is so unfortunate

Personally I find cigarette smoke horrible - and if it brings back bad memories for you - that has to make it worse - all I can tell you about that is that it is normal and still - how do you deal with that?

It seems everything is out of control - but please don't worry about what other people are thinking - you are not a failure - you have an MI and it is a really hard thing to live with at times and if you need to go back into hospital then that is something you need to do and please don't worry about that - or your finances - your mind is getting lost in the trivial issues compared with the memories you are dealing with

It seems you are not ready to go back to work yet - I am sure all this stems from your being kicked out of the dolls' house of a psyche hospital before Christmas - that was bad

There are other hospitals and other doctors - I am not alone here thinking you could get better treatment from a different psychiatrist - and I hope your psychologist can help you with this at your next appointment

All the best Blue

Dec

Hi @Decadian @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @utopia
I don't know what to think anymore, i am so confused in my head.
I went to the beach for a walk and sat on a rock with the water wetting my feet. I sat there for a while and just wanted to cry but I couldn't. So i got back in the car and now i am home.
I slept okay last night waking up twice with my asthma. had to use my puffer.

It's like i am a child wanting to lash out; i am hiding so much of myself. it's crazy.
at least last night i told hyubby about my side effects that possibly may happen and he called this morning to ask how i was.
i am so screwed up in my head. I just rang Lifeline and then my hubby called to check on me. I had to hang up from Lifeline. There is no point in calling lifeline because i have to go through the whole story again and again. i can't do that anymore.

so i am sitting here alone wondering what to do with my so confused head.

Beach sounds nice, i wish it had helped you more. I'm feeling similar to you, just overwhelmed.. though right now, today there is nothing happening.

I'm a bit the same wiht lifeline, i dont call them but have done the chat afew times, and its just too hard to explain everything. and i rarely have enough words to describe how i am when im in a state anyways... but in saying that its nice to not be alone and i did read how it helped you last week i think, it meant you were safe... which is important.

Is there anything you could throw your mind into at the moment? a book or movie, a craft/hobby? something that will take some concentration and keep your mind focussed for a little bit at least... know its easier to write that than actually go and do it.. coz im struggling to do the same.. just trying to keep up with my busy lil monsters today hehe (said with love).

lj

Thanks @Former-Member

I think i will go and breadcrumb the snitzel for tea, i need to do something to keep me busy. Another psych just called me to say that mine is away until next week but the side effects from coming off my new med should only take one or two days then i should feel better. Let's hope he is right.

Maybe i will sit outside aftr that for a while and get a little bit of sun.

Yeah lifeline did help me last week so much, i was very grateful for that. But i do get really upset talking about the same stuff all the time.

just have to work out how to cope with my son's laugh which reminds me of one of my abusers.

that is a tough one. i don't know.

how are you going? are the kids with you? any plans for today with the kids?

Hi @BlueBay Just sitting outside and getting some sun sounds like a great idea. Feel the freshness of the air and the sun on your face

Keep doing the little things that you have been doing - you are doing really well - still here and still connecting - very proud of you my friend

Even though you don't believe it YOU have the strength within you - you are showing that - you talked to your hubby and he called to see how you are - he cares! We all care and are with you to get through this tough period.

Your son's laugh is a really tough one. Having someone you love triggering such a painful memory is both confusing and unsettling. The mixed emotions you will be feeling are natural. I am not in exactly your position because I do not have children but I do have experience with trying to deal with these conflicting emotions everyday at work and with my family. I have not worked through thismyself yet but am starting to talk about it with my psych. Can you do that next week when you see you psych?

I am still here for you my friend - and I do want to hear from you

Hang in there @BlueBay. It will get better. Are you going to have a break from medications for a while? I'm off mine hoping to change but scared about it too. I finally realised yesterday I have to try a new one. When do you see your psychologist again?