not feeling good

Ohhh thank you for the update @Former-Member

sending you lots of love and hugs @BlueBay

thanks @Former-Member

more hugs to you @BlueBay

@BlueBay

hi everyone including @NikNik @Former-Member and @Former-Member

I am hated on here so not sure if i should stay

I find it really difficult to now know what to write to others for fear of being judged, ridiculed, stopped talking to or even abandoned

my BPD is really affecting my mind and thoughts

I had a few days break, not that it made much of a difference to my mind

I really do miss the guys that write back to me

I so want to write more on here but can't for fear of getting in trouble 😞

Hi @BlueBay

You are very much loved and cherished on here. It is a very supportive, non judgemental and caring community, we are all here to help each other and show each other their way home. I am here anytime if you need a chat.

Hey @oceangirl

thanks. I haven't spoken to you for a while.

What have you been up to? I am now working 3 days a week only 4 hours a day. My wokr supervisor cut my hours in 1/2 which isn't good financially but i am doing okay with the extra hours at home. I am really enjoying walking at the moment. The more i do the more i want to do.

Are you still working?

BB xxxooo

Hi again @BlueBay

I was struggling to keep with all the posts.

I did read your post but I may not have responded, I have been pretty busy the last month or two, I have been away the last two weeks and prior to that I had quite a few tests done and had multiple specialist appointments.

I did read about your cut in hours and not sure if that was early in the year, you read so much about people that it is bit diffcult for me to remember everyones post, I am sorry about that but I do try. I think the last think I read was when you where in hospital and you where moving into your new home- how long have you been in your new place? I hope you have settled in okay. I am glad to hear you are enjoying your walking.

I am just doing volunteer work atm @BlueBay. I think in the next little while try to find part-time work.

Hi @BlueBay,

It sounds like you are still super struggling after the storm of the other day. That's totally understandable - I would be too. I hope you choose to stay here in Forum Land even though your thoughts and feelings might be telling you to leave right now. You've done DBT haven't you? Maybe this is a chance to practice doing the opposite action to what your thoughts and feelings are telling you to do??? I find the opposite action thing super helpful - even though it can be super hard sometimes.

I don't hate you @BlueBay.

Hi everyone

I have not been doing so well lately and to top it off I had a session on Tuesday with my psychologist. Things got a whole lot worse. I needed a few days to get my head around things. I actually thought I would go back into hospital, wish I really did go back in.

The session started and before I knew it I was back to when I was a child and being abused. It was very traumatic for me and i was sobbing for almost an hour. the psychologist wanted me to stand tall and be the adult me and tell the abuser no you can't hurt me anymore, i tried to say it but it was the most hardest thing to say and do. i did say it but it has made no impact of positiveness for me yet.

i was and still am feeling empty. i don't feel anything positive about it just yet. i feel very exhausted, this happened 2 days ago and i am still seeing the abuse in my head like it was yesterday. it has left me very traumatised. i called my GP yesterday who didn't really know what to do with me; i called the CAT team who were very supportive and i even called my psych for an earlier appt but can't get one.

today i called the psychologist to let her know but she wasn't in so i left a msg. i have beenn left re-traumatised, no energy, totally scared and not wanting to do anymore therapy.

I am totally over doing therapy. No more. My GP feels for me so much, but he can only do so much.

How do others on here cope when going through a traumatic episode, how do you cope the day after a session with a psych? @Phoenix_Rising do you have suggestions?

My psychologist was concerned with me and wanted to make sure i was back 'in the present moment' before leaving her room. i had to drive home (don't know how i did). all i wanted to do was be admitted to hosptial or go somewhere where i could have been left alone to sleep and heal. but i was left alone to leave the session and go home.

I also spoke about being on the forum and the situation from last week. my psychologist is concerned about a few things from that which we will be working through. I know it is a hard thing for me to work through, i don't know how i will go with that one.