not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay.

I can imagine how horrendous it must have been when your letter and gift to your dad were returned to you. I know I couldn't cope with that, hence why I never put a return address on (E)'s cards.

Your psychologist sounds very wise helping you to process the "death" of your dad despite him still being alive. That is what I wanted to do when (E) took out the second restraining order, which was for five years. However, my psychologist at the time (the one I was in a complicated relationship with for 16 years) ridiculed me and told me I was being delusional because (E) wasn't dead. That was extremely unhelpful. It would have made much better sense to process the loss as a death at that time. My psychologist's reaction definitely complicated an already very muddled situation.

People do continue on after the death of a loved one - even one they loved very very deeply. I hope that with the support of your psychologist you are able to continue to move through that grieving process @BlueBay.

@Former-Member anyone

my heart has been broken by someone on here

i cannot do this anymore

@Phoenix_Rising

I want to hide away and die.

Rejection, agbandoment, tears, kick in the guts, i can't explain the pain, i have no idea what when it was last mentioned.

i can't think; maybe i should just disappear

well i hope others just think for themselves and don't worry about me; it's okay i will worry about myself no one needs to care about me; it's always been just me so don't worry anyone

i will leave here and never come back' i am sobbing so much, i can't thiknk

abandoned, rejection is a kick in the guts - always thought i was a good person, obviously not

i such a hopeless, stupid hopeless person who can't do a thing right

i need @NikNik help with this one.

I need to get off here

I am so scared of my life

@BlueBay I can only imagine how you are feeling BB I do want you to know that I too saw it and that is the reason I logged stayed logged on to write to you my beautiful yellow flower. There are several things I wanted to say to you -

1. You are not alone

2. I understand how hurt you must feel as that relationship was very important to you

3. Everyone needs to be able to look after themselves first (if they are able to)

4. It is not a reflection on you or your journey, it is about where that person is at this point in time

5. You are not alone

I can't do much at this point in time to look after myself but it is very important to me that you know that I care (always have) about you very much and even when I am not here I am still sitting on your shoulder - that will never change whether you can 'see' me in forum land or not.

You are much loved and cared for here and if I could take this pain away from you I would. Please hold on to those here who love you and can support you - let us shoulder some of that pain and help you through this.

All my love...

Zoe

Hi @BlueBay,

I understand it might feel like you have been ignored or rejected by another user on this forum. However, I did get the impression that the forum user approach the situation in good faith and hope not to hurt your feelings.

It is often sad when we think we have lost someone we care for, and vice-versa. Sometimes there is a good reason for it, for both people; and we often dont realise the benefits unitl a bit later on.

In saying that, I got the impression the other forum user is only seeking some privacy, temporarilly, and just needs some speace to themselves...which really...seems reasonable; we all need some time to ourselves, or away from particular others, at times. This doent mean it has to be permanent, nor does it mean that everyone else feels the same about you.

Im sure there are heaps of peeps on the forum that care about your well-being and are happy to continue sharing posts with you 🙂 and im also confident you can make even more firends on here the more you share with others 🙂

I genuinely hope that helps 😉

@BlueBay I can very much imagine what you may be feeling right now. I know if it was me, I would be crying, rocking and verbally stimming. My brain would be so flooded, I wouldn't be able to think straight. I can sit with you while you ride the super gigantic wave of overwhelming emotion, until NikNik gets here if you like. I do get it BlueBay. Abandonment and rejection is definitely one thing that I truly do get. I get the pain the takes your breath away. I get how completely unhelpful it is for anyone to try and put a positive reframe on a situation that makes your whole inside feel like it is on fire. I get how there is nothing that will settle that massive sea of emotion except for time. I'm really sorry that you are experiencing that right now.

@BlueBay Sitting with you...

@Phoenix_Rising

I'm riding a huge monster wave at the moment. And I am still on top of the wave.

@NikNik has emailed me. so glad you get it and understand how i would be feeling.

thank you so much for being here with me while i am going through this.

i don't know what to do right now except go away forever

i am playing some soft music hopingn it may calm me down - nothing is calming me down right now 😞