not feeling good

@Former-Member@NikNik@Zoe7@Former-Member@Shaz51@Decadian@utopia@Faith-and-Hope and others who may read this:

I need to write this down and tell someone; it's been bugging me for a while and I don't know what or how to handle this.

My oldest son 23 yrs old sounds and laughs exactly the same way as one of my abusers. Every time he laughs his face comes to my mind. I not only see my mum in front of me; but also smell the cigarette smoke my abuser smoked and can hear a phone ringing. Now this. I don't know how to handle it.

I let it go for a while but now it is bugging me 😞

I never want to go to work again. It's been 4 weeks now since I was in hospital and I don't want to leave the house. I am becoming very home bound, only going out when i desperately need to.

I am falling back down @Zoe7. think i need to put my pj's on and cuddle that blanket again. Need a cup of tea my throat and glands are so sore. i am so sick of being sick. i wish this would all go away.

i can't handle this anymore @Zoe7 it's getting too much again. And this thursday the real estate agent is coming for us to sign papers to put our house on the market. That is going to be huge fgor me, to sell, pack and move. i don't know if i can do it.

@BlueBay I can see the strength in you my friend - it is difficult to see it in oneself when you are feeling so overwhelmed and vulnerable but I do believe it is in you - you are still here, checking in and accepting support - that shows both strength and courage

take care of yourself tonight - do whatever you need to do (blanket on couch, bath, drawing, tv etc. ) to get some sleep. Tackle tomorrow when it comes! If you need to call your GP (or even an ambulance) then do it. If you think you need to be back in hospital then do that too. Don't be scared of looking after yourself - that also shows your strength and courage - and that you do want to look after yourself

I'm still here and still supporting you xx

@Zoe7

I'm scared of being seen and judged as a failure for not being better by now by my family 9hubby and kids)

if i went back into hsopital it's another set back, one that my kids will think gee mum has gone back in again, what the hell is wrong with her. and my hubby will worry about our finances as i won't get paid from work,

i feel so stuck right now.

ok, cup of tea and blanket. that's all i need for now, right now.

i feel at ease knowing i have you by my side.

you are a good friend to help me. thank you. xxxooo

@BlueBay I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. That is truly a difficult place to be xxx

Grab yourself that cupof tea and curl up with your blanket. feelthe security of it wrapped around you again. Sip your tea and feel it's warmth.Concentrate on those senses and try and put all other thoughts away for a little while. Just be with yourself and try to sleep my friend. You are still worn out and your body needs to continue to recover from both the physical and mental strain.

Don't think about Thursday -we'll tackle that when it comes. Selling and moving is a huge deal in anyone's life but that is not going to happen today or tomorrow or next week. We'll deal with that when it comes too.

Don't even think about how others may or may not think of you and of being judged in any way - all that is important is your wellbeing and safety. Those that care about you will not judge my friend.

Get that cup of tea and your blanket and settle yourself on the couch. I'm going to grab a bite to eat - have you eaten yet - even some toast!! Will be back soon

Sending you warm hugs and all my positive energy