not feeling good

Ah Gardenia, another beautiful scent 🙂

I hope this settles for you tonight too and that you sleep peacefully. I get scared very easily myself. What you say about what's happening in your head does make a little sense to me. I've had very negitive thoughts throughout my life too, I call them 'moments of clarity' because during the time {only seconds} that I think them, it's like - I know what to do; but the very next moment I am ashamed that I could even think it. I have wished to be the bad guy, to have the strength - to get revenge. But a thought is just a thought. Your actions of getting on the Forum, your emotions of being scared, shows you are a kind and caring person - I think you've just been through something unkind and uncaring perhaps. Keep doing things that make you feel positive I believe you are a good person.

I have to go and take my dogs for their walk, the young fella is getting insistant! 😄

I think one of the hardest things to believe in is yourself, but I think it's one of the most necessary. You might not particularly like hospital, but what your going through might be a physical problem that you may get much needed help with there.

hope you enjoy your walk with the dogs @Former-Member

i tried to take my dog for a walk earlier but she stopped and refused to walk. i almost pulled her neck out so i brought her home and continued myself.

i hope i will be okay later but not ereally sure. i will go now and organise dinner, will come on here later on.

@BlueBay

That sounds like a good idea about your psych. And you said you wouldn't ring the CAT team if things got worse??

I just read you will go cook some dinner. What are you having? 🙂

Talk soon @BlueBay

Hi @Zahlia

I just remembered I don't have to cook as I have left over veggie and lentil soup in the fridge and the boys want pizza for tea. So no cooking for me 🙂

My mind is wandering really negative; do you think i should call the CAT team. i really don't want to . maybe i will go and try to do some crotcheting.

@utopia I will call my psych on Monday and see if i can make an urgent appt to see him. I will see what he says about hospital admission. It all happened when i stopped the meds and the started them again.

I don't like this happening @utopia and @Zahlia I hate it; it is really like controlling my mind but i am trying to not let it

Oh that's a bonus @BlueBay !

Hmm it's hard because you don't want to call them ........ but I'm also sensing from you that you know when you get to that point where you should call them. Try the crotcheting and see if that helps:)
I can't even begin to imagine how scary and exhausting this must be, trying to control your thoughts but feeling like you have a complete lack of control. You are really a very strong person @BlueBay, you may not be able to see it now, but to everyone reading what you are going through, you are a fighter

I am drawn to drinking tonight. drinking wine - see if that will help with my hallucinations

so far not so good

damn - i'll keep drinking then

what else can i do - no i can't listen to my inner voice from my head right now; it's not good

@utopia

it's helping me block out the pain; the pain of my parents, the abuse, the abandonment, the broken heart I have; the inner voices I can hear.

I think i have drunk too much.

and now i am crying @utopia