not feeling good

Hi @Queenie

I want these voices to stop NOW. I am going to go and watch some tv with hubby. I hope they can stop for a while. I will tell my psych tomorrow when I go.

It's just a whole heap of different voices, so loud altogether chatting. too noisy in my head.

gee i wish they would all shut up. i am sure it's because i stopped my meds.

it's all my fault.

@BlueBay Great advice from @utopia Plz go get support tonight. Thinking of you xox

Hi @oceangirl @utopia @Queenie @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Owlunar @NikNik @Zoe7

I saw my psych this morning and after the weekend's hspital stay I was expecting a 'telling off' by him. I was not feeling too great, still having these hallucinations little bit last night and this morning.

He said first and foresmost that I should not have stopped my meds and that i should have waited until this morning's session to discuss the option of stopping or coming off some or one of the meds before doing what i did (come off all of them at once). I think he wasn't impressed 😞

He said what i did was something serious without thinking (can't think of the word) (it's a BPD trait) and without thinking of the consequences and no boundaries at all.

I didn't even think of any self soothing techniques to help me at all. He said this is an unconscious mind from my trauma seeking out care, love and nuture that i did not get as a child and now seek it from others and this is my way of seeking and getting - from medical. He said it is a maladaptive behavious, an addictive behavoiur just like drinking and smoking. I need lots of intensive pyshcological therapy to get through this.

He also said that if i didn't get through this he would have to refer me on to the public health system. he is going to contact the CAT team and wants me to contact them if i need any help.

I feel so bad at the moment, I feel i have let him down, let myself down, my GP down, my family down.

i know what i do; but friday night i was psychotic, i was hearing voices - that really did happen. i didn't do it on purpose; i didn't do it - just to get help. it really happened. i am not an attention seeking person. that is not me.

teary today as i write this, i feel so ashamed to write all of this; i need care, love, i know some of you will say i have it right here at home. but i need to find what i really want.

i miss my dad so much, i wish i could have him here with me.

maybe if i just did go away, no one would miss me;

@utopia @Faith-and-Hope

I'm going to really try to heal, i am going to try to get fit and healty too.

I just go through these bumps every now and then ad they scare me and push me around and i hate it.

my mum is in the background haunting me and i hate her too.

i get very scared, vulnerable and fragile.

i feel for my little child in me.

i am seeing my psycholgoist tomorrow and will chat to her about what happened reg. hospital stay. and i will suggest fortnightly sessions so we can have intnesive therapy.

i will be very honest with her so she knows how i feel. even if i am embarasses and ashamed to tell her i have to tell her so she knows how to help.

with my GP, i have an appt this week so i will be very honest with him too. so he knows how to help me too.

i won't leave, i think you guys know that i won't - i think i say it because that's how i feel when i get so frustrated, angry and emotional not knowing what to do - but deep down inside i know what to do.

think i wil go an do some crotcheting, i am doing a blanket for my new lounge. then maybe a rest before hubby comes home.

chat later on. i hope both of yhou are doing okay.

hugs to you both.

BB xxxooo

We will both make it. We are stronger than we feel. We have support. And we are cared for in our Forum Community. ♥♥

@BlueBay, sending you hugs my friend ,