not feeling good

Hi my beautiful little yellow flower @BlueBay

It has been quite a while since I have been able to chat to you - but I certainly have thought about you alot

It is going to be a very busy and difficult week for you - whatever happens tomorrow (fingers crossed the meeting will have a good outcome for you - and Toby has his paws crossed too!)

I really just wanted to let you know that I am still sitting on your shoulder (if that is ok) and still holding you close to my heart as always. You mean so much to me and although I have not been able to support you lately you are always in my thoughts.

Sending you love, hugs and hope...

Zoe

Thank you so much @Zoe7

I know you have been struggling, so thank you so much for your reply and for thinking of me. You can still sit on me and yes I don't mind if you are my blue little butterfly. Remember i wrote somewhere i was scared of butterflies? but not you, not your little butterfly, i am not scared of you at all. you can sit on my shoulder anytime xxoo

@Faith-and-Hopei will go to the meeting tomorrow and see what he says to me. i just hope he doesn't get rid of me because if he does i don't know what i will do. then all my sh and horrible negative thoughts will come to mind. seriously if that does happen i think i will walk in to my doctors and ask to see him and ask to be admtted. i hope he just says that he wants to cut back my hours. i will try not to think about it but it is very hard to not think about it.

i am guessing that all this stress is not helping my asthma or blood pressure. i hate to think how high my blood pressure is at the moment.

trying to rest is really hard at the moment.

BB xxoo

I do remember reading that you were scared of butterflies and moths and I was very, very low at the time @BlueBay I didn't take it personally but I did wonder if me sitting on your shoulder caused you any extra anxiety. I couldn't have dealt with that at the time so I didn't ask. So it does mean a lot that I don't have to wonder about that anymore

If the worse case scenario happens tomorrow BB then we tackle the 'fallout' then. We will be here for you whatever happens - I will be around ('cos I can't really do much myself atm) so just give me a shout out and I'll come running (typing anyway )

Zoe xxxxx

@BlueBay Checking in on you and wondering how your appointment with your supervisor went.

I really hope everything went ok but if it didn't know that we are here for you my beautiful little yellow flower

Hi @BlueBay

I have been reading your posts but right now I can't walk with you through this part of your journey

The hardest part of my own is coming up fast - I need to unhook from triggers and only deal with what I can - for me it's an old story - nothing you need to worry about at all

I haven't left you - I am still here

Dec

I uderstand @Owlunar

I hope you will be okay

Thinking of youi

sening you lots of hugs and prayers

BB xxxooo

Hi @Zoe7

Well the meeting went crap.

He has reduced my hours to half. Yep half. so now i will be working only 3-4 hours a day instead of 8-8.5hr a day.

That is crap, how on earth am i meant to live on that. how are we meant to survive.

I have been crying, i was okay when he told me but as soon as i left i walked into my GP and bawled. I told him i don't know how we will cope. And trying to tell hubby he will get angry.

My doctor was very caring and said look lets work out your health first and then we'll look at your work.

Oh by the way, i am going back into hospital tomorrow. Got a phone call this morning to say i am in. so i will speak to my psych tomororw who will refer me to a psychologist for a chat and possibly a social worker to see what benefits (if any) i may be entitled to.

I have been pretty upset this morning but there is nothing i can do. it is out of my hands. My supervisor said he feels terrible in doing this but it has come from the top meaning the owners of the pharmacy. It is very quiet in the afternoons so this is where they will save money.

But because they have another store just down the road i may be able to pick up extra shifts every now and then if someone is away or on leave. but it doesn't help me permenantly.

@Zoe7 I told hubby, i phoned him at work and he was pretty quiet when i told him. there is nothing he can say or do. i said to him i will ask for a social worker while in hospital for some help.

My GP said to me to not come out of hospital too soon, to take things slowly and get well before coming home. there is no rush to come out.

pretty shit outcome, but i guess i still have a job; it could have been a lot worse, like sorry i have to sack you.

still it is hard to hear.

@BlueBay It does really suck that you have lost hours but at this stage some work is better than none. The positive thing I took out of your post is that it isn't because of you - it is for the business to save money as some times it is very slow and therefore they don't need to employ too many people. I know one of your fears has been that they will 'get sick of you' having so much time off and let you go. This certainly does not seem to be the case - by just mentioning that you may be able to pick up some hours at the other pharmacy at times also is infact a win (even though it doesn't seem like it atm). ...and knowing what extra help/support you may be entitled to will help ease your mind a little more also.

I am so very, very pleased that you are finally going back into hospital tomorrow - it should never have been left this long in the first place - and do take all the time you need there. You were starting to sound more positive last time you were there and finally starting to 'work through' some of your 'stuff'. I really hope this stay will be just as positive for you. It certainly isn't easy but it is a step forward my beautiful little yellow flower - so hang on to that and worry about work later.

thank you beautiful friend @Zoe7

I will talk to the psychologist about my job and even the social worker, see if they can help me.

I will take my knitting with me and my colouring book.

I hope you are okay, i often think of you but forget to ask you how you feel.

I won't be able to use my phone while in hospital, so I will come back on during the weekend when I am home.

I hope i can get through this, it feels like another hurdle i have to get through. Just another stress added.

You're right at least it isn't my fault and it's a positive that i still have a job.

Thanks Zoe, when I feel down at the hospital i will think of you sitting on my shoulder.

Until next week, I will try to stay okay. Take care my friend

BB xxxooo