not feeling good

Hi @moderator @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Shaz51 @outlander @Zoe7 @Owlunar @NikNik @Phoenix_Rising @Former-Member @Former-Member @utopia and others (mind gone blank)

Seven days from today I am moving house. The anxiety is crazy, it's high like i can't believe how high it is. The tears have been streaming down my face, the memories are all coming back good and bad, i was suposed to be in hospital last week and even the week before but oh no for some reason i couldn't get a bed. so i am hoping that either today or tomorrow i get a phone call. My psych is back today from holidays, but he had already put me with someone else had i gone in hospital earlier.

How do i leave, close the door and never return. The end of another chapter of my life.

I know a lot of you will probably just say - "BB just leave, that's all you need to do, it's only a house" but to me it meant a lot. it has memories of my 3 children where they grew up; it has memories of my beautiful niece who lived here and she is no longer with us; the bad is it was my brothers house before mine; it was my parents house before mine.

i will miss the gardens, the lush green palms, the plants, the flowers, everything. and i know i can do all that in my new place but gardening will take 1/2 of the time it does here.

i suppose what i am getting at is 'letting go' and for me that is the hardest thing to do. but i need to for my own sake and this house has been too toxic with too many negative memories.

So seven days of high waves of emotoins, i feel like i am drowning. maybe that's why i am so sick with my asthma.

@BlueBay .... I will tell you a story that someone once told me .....

In Africa, this is one way they capture wild monkeys ......

While they know monkeys are watching, a gamekeeper will poke a hole into one of those big ant nests, and then post some peanuts into it, and walk away ..... far enough away that the curious monkeys feel safe enough to go and investigate this strange thing that the gamekeeper did.

The hole in the ants nest is only big enough for the monkey to put its hand in ..... and it grabs hold of a peanut ..... but it's clenched fist is now too big to pull it back out of the ants nest .....

Even though the gamekeeper returns, the monkey will not let go of the peanut to be able to remove its hand and run away, and the gamekeeper can then easily capture it ....

In your situation, it's not about being captured, but it is about being stuck .... can you see that you are trying to hold tight to a peanut ?

Release "the peanut" and you will have the freedom to pick up other good things in your new home and your new life .....

Start thinking about exchanges ..... and begin to tell yourself, "I am exchanging the lush green palms for ________ ... and I am exchanging those flowers for these ones ..... and I am exchanging ______ for ________ ..... "

See if that helps @BlueBay ...... we have to release things to be able to open our hands, hearts and minds to something new and better than what we had before.

💙💕🐚🐬🌷🌱💐❣️

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

I do understand what you mean.

I am exchanging my big 2 block garden for a small courtyard which mean an easier and less time. I will have more time to myself for walking round the walking tracks from my back gate straight out onto the walking track. There is a playground for the new baby (when old enough to play). There is a really nice cafe to walk to (about 45 min walk). It takes 20 min walk to the beach, no using the car anymore. No more drive Jersey down for walks anymore, we cann open our back gate and walk straight on track with her. Bonus. No maintenance on house as it is only a year old.!!

Few little things we are going to add, like a small vegie patch and few palms with a water feature.

So this new house will change our lives forever. Easy maintnenance, low garden, more time for us and great lifestyle. entertaining friends outside our deck area will be so nice, sliding door opens right up so we can entertain from dining area to outside.

This new house will change us completely. And better still my parents won't know where we live.

My daughter and her partner are very excited, they are moving out into the rental property next sunday. Day before us. They went out yesterday and bought a whole lot of stuff kettle, vac, bowls, plates, etc. they are renting a 2bd cottage behind my friends house, across the road from the beach and 10 min walk to the main shops. they are very lucky. this will be good for them as it gives them responsibility and time together before the baby arrives. as much as i love them to stay with us i think its a good idea and i feel they need their space just as we do as well. and i will still get to see the baby!!!

I will make this new house OUR house, i will make the garden MY garden and how I want it NOT how MY mum had it in our house at the moment.

Attagirl @BlueBay ...... ❣️

Hi everyone

I've just hit the panic button.

I am panicking about moving. Only 7 days and I don't know if we are ready. There are boxes of stuff everywhere. Still bits and pieces to do stuff that we can't do till the last minute. I've just been on the phone to all the utility companies (hubby wouldn't do that).

I am feeling sick with my asthma. I don't feel well. I feel 'weird'.

i can feel a huge rush of anxiety come over me it feels like it will crash over me

just my younger son @Faith-and-Hope

I just don't feel right. I will stay inside with the heater on and try some knitting. I can't even begin to pack some more. Just can't do it. I tried yesterday to help hubby but the air was too cold.

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope and @utopia

I ended up falling to sleep for a little while. My friend text me to have a coffee and chat together so we did that. i am now home sitting inside with the heater on, the air is really cold. i am trying to not do much so I won't get too puffed out therefore won't get too wheezy. just taking things slowly.

tomorrow is a busy day for me: appt with my work supervisor; then an appt with the hospital physician who i saw a month ago, he wants to see how i am going physically. i can tell him about my asthma. then after that i have an eye test to check how my eyes are; i think they have deteriorated in the last 6 months. i have two pairs of glasses made but i think i need new ones because my eye sight has changed. If i get a phone call from the hospital to say go in; i will still go to these appts and then go into hospital.

i am very anxious about the work appt. i have a feeling he will either cut back my work hours, or get rid of me. i am really worried.