not feeling good

thanks @outlander

hugs to you too

always thinking of you too xxoo

D E P R E S S I O N

Its not weird @BlueBayBlueBay - its Depression, and its real, very real. But there's an alternate reality we must borrow from to survive, another place to dwell and recharge. Some days it takes all my energy to find it, but when I do - I sit in its sunshine a while, breathe it in deep. Its beautiful and peaceful there. Although i wake up back in my nightmare, i still have the memory of 'my elsewhere place' a contrasting hope. Knowing there's such expanding peaceful moments waiting for me sure makes the grays less powerful.

Hang in there BlueBay. Live for the good days. Even though its hard to believe it, as sure as you are sad - those days are just as real. And worth the wait 🌷🌿

@BlueBay

I am so worried about you- it's a beautiful day, you have your family - and your new grandchild more than half-way here, your new house - and doctors doing their best for you - and you have a job - which I would love to have - I would even like your job I think

Yet for you the darkness is overwhelming - and last might I asked myself why this was - and this morning I feel no further ahead than I was when I read your thread last night

That house has got it's hooks into you - your mother is such a powerful shadow in your life you are letting her suck the joy away - and this is so sad - such a terrible pity - I so feel unhappy on your part that this is happening

Somehow you have to untaggled yourself from your mother - I think you have this trauma so deeply ingrained you can't see past it - but if you could - if somehow you could let the past go - the whole world would look wonderful - what more could you want

I do understand about your parents but you can't change that and it is not your choice. It's theirs - but love them or hate them as you do - and you do both - that is their choice - and you need to make the choice to leave them - and leaving that house is part of your choice - made already

Change can be scary but we all face change - we all live through change - the whole human race has to - so I can only wish you the best as you let go of the past and reach for the future

All the best with that BB - and my love

Dec

Hi @Owlunar

I don't know how to untangle myself from my mother. She is strong, she is manipulative, she is evil and horrible. And yet even though I don't see her or talk to her she is still having some sort of control. It's horrible. I don't want that control, but maybe part of me is scared of letting go because of fear, i fear of being 'on my own' and 'not knowing what to do'. I am an adult, i should know what to do. i don't need her do I? I bought a house on my own!!

Dec i am so scared. but i don't know why. i so need a hug right now.

i try to hug myself (which seems silly) but it doesn't work because I end up crying so much. never thought i had so many tears to cry.

I know you worry about me,you are so caring; my GP is worried about me too. i am so confused in my head Dec. It's like i am waiting for the 19th to come (settlement date) and i am so anxious for this date to leave the house. the last day. the end. and there's no turning back. it's final. no more parents house. (sorry i am crying now)

and i know i am going to a new home, new beginning, new baby on it's way. it's all exciting. i asked my GP yesterday why am i not so excited? he said 'it's the depression. He told me yesterday that i need to break down each day now until the 19th; morning, lunch, afternoon and evening. break it down bit by bit and don't look any further than just a few hours.

i am trying really hard to not think of the 19th; just bit by bit.

Hi @Bluebay, feel for you re same spiritual ties with a toxic mother. One thing I have learned that keeps us bonded to toxic hurtful people is unforgiveness (hanging onto my right to avenge) - let it go, take her off your hook and but her on Gods. You don't have to say it to her face but you do need to speak out loud "I forgive you mum, go in peace and so will I" Reconciliation is a whole new topic, and not necessary for forgiveness when the other person can't change. It helped my attitude to see the trauma my mother has gone through as a child to understand. But I still have a responsibility to guard my own heart, which is all very sad for everyone. Does that make sense. The test of if you've forgiven is if you are able to pray and ask God to bless them. Haha, i thought I could but doing it was another thing, we can't hide truth from God, or 'the universe' if thats what people prefer.

With regards to gour sale and moving, yep, a nerve racking time, but you're doing it, one thing at a time. I'm amazed! - deep breaths, things are not as bad as they seem and the rewards will be great. A year from now youll wonder 'how did i do that?' You can do this. Sending hugz 🌷🌿

Hi @BlueBay

Just count down the days until the 19th - the time will pass - however painful

I have thought and I don't know how to disentangle yourself from your mother - and she would relish your struggle - I know - but what goes on in her head is not your problem - and maybe that sorting out who owns the problems is a beginning - I have been through "Problem Ownership" myself - and I invented the name

I know how your mind is talking to you though - I have had a few bad days about my mother lately - and I get angry with her and TS for what they caused to happen - and what did happen - and I think that through all my thinking I found this idea - which I might have already written

What we want - and it is not at all a childish need - is that the people who have victimized us acknowledge that they have done us harm. This isn't going to come from your abusers - but you need it from your parents - that they try and understand that your have been abused and they have done the wrong thing is handling the situation the way they did.

In my case my Dad did - some years before he died - he was sick of the whole thing and wanted me back in the family - but after he died it all went bad again - and so yeah - I get the feeling of being caught up in the bitter and twisted way my mother's mind works

But I have worked away from that - apart from feeling the injustice of leaving me to cope with my son and his unhappy life and death - this does grab me at times so in one way - I still have a problem but in others - I have moved on -

And life is partly a process of moving on.

So - what you are doing in not moving on is you are carrying all the anger and hate that is corroding your life and just making this so sad and terrible - I can see this because I have lived through it myself. I forgave my mother because after all - I did not want to carry her bundle of stuff - in fact - I drew a sketch of my mother sitting in some kind of vehicle dragging skip after skip of junk and each skip had stuff overflowing and I wrote things like "bad feelings" - "grudges" - "cruel words" - "lost chances" andt things like that

The only way you can get out of the web of horrible thorns is to forgive your mother - and not for her sake but for yours. I do know what I am talking about - my fear of my mother is over since she died - my own web of life still has trauma in it - but in letting the anger go - bit by bit - I have walked away from most of it

I do pray you can find your way past this - the world you would want is only a fragment of space away from you - but you are entangled - and so

Please ask your psyche how you can do this - find out that you want to forgive - then ask how

Lots of hugs

Dec

Thank you @Former-Member for the hugs and for understanding.

My mum is very toxic, causing lots of dramas and lots of lies. She used to lie to others to make herself look good and then say things to me. She is such a liar.

I am scared to reach the 19th, the huge wave is crashing on me.

i know i am doing it; i am moving, and i will move - but the emotions are getting to me so bad.

Hi @Owlunar

I think once i get to hospital (if i ever get in) I will see the psyschologist there and ask her to help me with 'letting go of my mum' or give me strategies and ways of how to learn to let go.

I do want to let go, but i am scared, i feel very vulnerable in letting go because her ruling over me is all i know.

The closer the date is coming the more anxious I am feeling.

Hi @moderator @Owlunar @Former-Member @outlander @Shaz51 everyone else

I need some advice on how to handle when a child 'flies the coup'

My oldest, my daughter who is 5 months pregnant is leaving home with her partner and renting a little cottage at the back of my friends property. They are moving in the day before we move to our new property.

I am so happy for them as this will give them their own privacy, more space for the baby (when she arrives) and gives both of them space and time to adjust and live as a couple.

But - here comes the emotional bit - I am so sad, and crying because my beautiful daughter is all grown up and I will miss her so so much.

How do others cope when their first child leaves home?

And pretty soon my other child will leave to join the police force. I don't know how I will cope with all of this.

Hi everyone

I rang the hospital today to see if there was any news on my hospital admission. The unit manager said no there was no update. I mentioned to her that I needed to know as I had to let work know for the roster for next week. she said there was no discharge today but she would let me know asap. she said sorry but no one was leaving.

I got off the phone feeling pretty down. and then angry. thinking they are ganging up on me. she has known for 4 weeks now that i had to be back in and i am sure people have been discharged in that time. but yet she can't get me a bed. i find it hard to believe.

i so hope that tomorrow someone gets discharged and she calls me.

feeling really down tonight.

😞