Hi @Owlunar @Former-Member @utopia and others I have forgotten
This morning i had an appt with my GP. he wanted to check in on me and see how i was travelling. I told him i was the same as last night. He said that he had tried several times to contact the CAT team but no answer so he will keep trying till he gets someone. He asked if anything was making things worse and I told him selling the house, moving, my parents. I told him i am angry really angry and he asked if i could release my anger like going for a walk or exercise. i said no the only way at the moment was to SH. he said no what about if i just went for a walk. i said ok i could do that. i told him that i am so angry with my mum and need to vent out. he asked if i would be ok this weekend or if i need to be admitted in the public hospital. i said i will be okay because hubby is home. i told him that i tend to '[play' two different people in my life. 1. 'the perfect wife and mother who can do no wrong' and 2. 'the broken person/child' that is so heartbroken suffering depression, anxiety that doesn't know who to turn to for help. he said that this must be so difficult for me to keep up with havingn to 'hide' my emotions all the time.
he made me keep my promise to him that i wouldn't SH or worse over the weekend and that if i had serious thoughts then i would need to contact the CAT team or call for an ambulance. he also made me another appt for me to see him on tuesday morning.
i am so glad that i have a very supportive GP.
when i got home my mobile phone rang and it was the CAT team. the lady introduced herself and said the my GP had called her and told her that i was not coping and needed help. she asked lots of questions, mediction i am on, my health, my SH urges, my children my hubby and my work. she wanted to know how strong my urges are. she remembers talking to me once before.
she said she will call me again on monday as i have hubby home tomorrow and i told her i should b e okay. but she said if i am not okay tomorrow or the urges get stronger to pls contact her.
my GP also said that he will contact my psych on Monday to see where i am on the list for hospital admission.
i told my GP that i feel that i went back to work far too soon, but don't have any sick leave or annual leave left. and that my hubby will get angry if i have more time off work. but my GP said its the same if i got sick with appendicitis and needed weeks of work.
there is so much going on at the moment in my life.
i was walking through my garden this morning and crying because i will miss my garden. i know i have a big garden and will go down to a v ery small one. but i will miss the beautiful plans and flowers and palms we had. i really enjoyed potteringn around. i guess i will have to start my neew garden. i can't wait. and i will also have some new indoor plants as well which i can't wait to go and buy.
i am really getting anxious about the move, the more i think about it the more i start to get emotional, and it's hard because hubby doesn't really get it; the kids well they're kids and they don't understand the emotinal attachment i have.
anyway, i am gooing to stay busy knitting myself a scarf with a new ball of wool from lincraft called cakes!!!
hope everyone is doing okay, always thinking of you all
BB 🙂
