not feeling good

That's my problme @Former-Member I am never ever nice to myself

Today was the first day back at work after 5 weeks off.

And I hated it. i wish i was back at hospitla. i didn't want to be at work.

it was okay but i am not feeling good.

i just don't want to be anywhere right now

right now i don't care if i get the sack

and i may even happen

thanks for the hugs @Former-Member

today was no good i was that close to crying at work today.

i kept thinking of my da and how much i miss him. i almost wanted to walk out of work.

i emailed my psych and told him i want to be in hospital and don't feel well, i kind of feel weird

he replied - can i wait until i go back into hospital.

i just feel exhausted, i hurt my back at work today, i am hurting lower back

i just want to cry so much, 😞

sending you tender hugs @BlueBay

Thank you @Shaz51

Oh @BlueBay, not good, only just found your post, hope you've been resting your back toningt, hopefully a good nights rest will sort it out, if not - it wouldn't hurt to see the Dr re work related. Tumeric herb helps me a lot with aches & pains, +heatpacks, but mostly rest.

When are you booked to go back to hospital? Why's that? You have a lot of life changes happening atm, which = stress, and like all of us - stress niggling away in the background can really exacerbate existing conditions. What stress management tools do you practise?

I hear how much you miss your dad 😞 Don't mean to be rude but he could make contact himself, its not all your mother. My dad situation is much the same - and now with his worsening dementia & deteriating health, he's not there for me.

My Mum has always had a jealous streak if I slightly appear to get on better with him than her in the moment. When I was 16 my dad & I were having a great chat in from of TV when everyone else had gone to bed. Mum interrupted and told him he needed to "come to bed" - of cause we kept talking but 10min later she burst into the room going off, yelling to dad "b'well come to o bed or take your daughter to bed!!!" and she slammed the door. OMG, i was horrified and confused and since avoid dad mysrlf always ever mindful mother dearest thinks I'm tryingv to race her husband off, or something, which of cause is not the case.

What i'm trying to say is I understand a bit and wish dads were 'man enough' to work around it, do what's right. But then again, if they can't - maybe we're just better off.

Sometimes it helps me to light a candle for anyone i miss like this - when those grief waves hit. I prayer for them - kinda helps.

Not sure I've explained properly. Hope you sleep well tonight. Hugz💜💕

I really agree with @Former-Member @BlueBay - you are not well enough to work - it's so obvious to the rest of us

Your health is so much more important than a few days work - you are just finding your way back to the bad place you were in - if not worse

No money - no job - is more important than your health

One thing I have found vitally important in my life - and still the important power that helps me to continue even when things are tough - is to have control over what I do and what I don't do - and you have done a lot to sell your house and buy one that suits you and get rid of your mother's cast-offs

You can't do much about getting back into hospital - that's out of your hands except to keep telling people you need to be there - but you do have control over whether you work or not -

You really need to think about this - and part of life - a hard part - is learning to make our own decisions

I was in bed thinking - I found I was thinking more than reading - and I thought about you a lot and all you have been through since I joined this webstie - and it has been one long battle for you - and a lot of that is your choices

Time to make another one - stay home from work - just because you are out of sick leave doesn't mean you are well enough to work

Oh - I so feel for you

Lots of hugs

Dec

Hi @Former-Member

Yes - I know winter brain - actually I have un-winter brain - because the gloominess of late autumn really eats into me - and it's not winter but feels worse - so Un-Winter

I am okay - I have had a busy week and another busy day tomorrow - wow - something every day and then there are other times when nothing happens - but I had spring-cleaners and a carpet cleaner in today and I can hardly believe how fresh everything looks

This is actually the first time I got into the forum today - I had to move my books out of the book cases in the bedroom so they could move them and vacuum behind them - and that was back-breaking and I have to get rid of some of these books - I really do

I know you haven't forgotten our religious discussion - it takes time to think it all our

Dec