not feeling good

Home alone for a little while and I can't stop sobbing.

I just cant stop .......... 😞 😞 😞

i am a mess

Hi @BlueBay sorry I havent been around much

you most definently have a right to be angry with your boys. It cant be that hard to do as youve asked \. im in a very similar predicament with having inconsideratle little shites around and unfortunatley one of those happen to be my mother as well as my sisters.
I have thought many a times that im going to make this depression a reality and turn it into something phsyical. I know they probably dont understand what you have etc but sureley they can help you around the house.
How old are you kids? Can you make up a chores chart?
And I think putting their clothes somewhere else for them to find is a good idea. Its very inconsiderate that they are just dumping things everywhere, if your going to dump things do it in your own room so at least its not everywhere.

Let those tears out BB, your aloud to
hugs to you my little rainbow fish

Sitting with you @BlueBay . Your kids are old enough to fend for themselves. Let them do their own washing etc and help with other chores around the house too.

Aw @BlueBay

I feel like crying and I rarely do - I am so unhappy for you

You wrote

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@BlueBay wrote:

I sometimes wonder what they would do if i have seriously SH and even more serious (yoiu know) what would they say then -

..........................................

i am angry,

i want my dad and if i can't have him now well then there is only one answer .........

---

I have to ask - what do you think would happen if you did seriously SH - or worse?

I can tell you this much - it is so obvious to me - if you seriously SH a lot of your decisions will be taken away from you - and I really hate that for you - I don't want that to happen

Probably a lot of us see you as a very unhappy person who is living a double life - broken inside and coping on the outside - like - if I am even having a bad day I am really not into doing any house-hold task - I am a useful bunch of wet tissues with a red nose and sore eyes and a bad headache - but you mop and vacuum - so yes - double life - that makes sense

And I am feeling for you - really deeply - but I don't understand your feeling like SH or worse - because that is really terrible and the only person who will suffer is you -

I hate this for you - it is distressing - not to the point that I have to give it a rest - I do sometimes - but enough for me to stay and ask the questions because it is really hard. This reason is because what you are doing is working toward having your choices taken from you and that happened to someone I loved very much -

Please take things easy - don't worry about chores etc - and as for your husband being angry because you don't go to work - hah - I was the nagging wife who was pretty angry at time because I was the higher wage earner - let him be angry

I really care BB - so please - take care of yourself

Dec

Oh @Owlunar I wish we were related.

you know me far too well. i am living two people at the moment you are so right. I won't do anything sewrious to myself. I can promise this to you. I would miss my childrren and new grandchild on the way. how could I? it's just that some days i want all this to stop, the pain, the heartache.

i don't want my decision making taken away from me. that would be terrible

i so wish you were my mum (would you be the right age??) i have no idea!!! I am 51

Dec you seem to understand me so much, I am so upset, crying for no reasion - well there has to be a reasoin you just don't cry for no reason. OK, i am missing my dad. same story (are you sick of hearing the same old story yet) i keep thinking that some people on here are sick of me and my same old story.

maybe it's my paranioa. now i am thinking others on here are talking about me. i doiin't think they would, but my mind is telling me that.

do you know what Dec, if i am unfit for work next I will not go; or I will go and leave say 2 or 3pm? i will get a letter from my GP that way work can't say anything. and i am hoping i get a bed in the hospital next week.

thank you so much Dec for your support and replies, it means a lot to me.

BB xxxooo

Hi @BlueBay

Unless there is part of this forum that I don't know anything about no one is talking about you behind your back - I think it's really great the way it's set up - we can't chat to each other about other members and this is good - what you read is honest - there's no chit-chat

But yes - you are terribly unhappy and this is getting worse - I can only tell through what you write but I have read a lot in my life - and your sorrow and anger come through - and I find it really hard that your life is swinging between opposites all the time - and I know this is a mood-disorder but it needs help to go away - you need time to heal - and yes - you should be in hospital

I will keep chatting with you - I am glad so were only ranting and not serious about SH - that did bother me -

And I am old enough to be your mother - my daughter was born later in my life -

You're not well enough to be at work - and this is why I say this - if you were well enough you would be happy to go - but you are not in a fit state - and your health is the most important thing

Lots more hugs

Dec

@BlueBay I know I haven't been around for you over the last few weeks but I do think of you often

I can tell you two things - one: I am never sick of hearing anything from you, whether it be about you missing your dad or anything else, and two: if I thought anyone on here was talking behind your back I would reach through the screen and shake them lol - no-one would hurt my little yellow flower if I had anything to do with it

I do miss chatting with you (and even miss you being emotional lol) ...

and I am always sitting on your shoulder - even when I am not around on the forum.

Love and hugs...

Zoe

Thank you @Zoe7 you are such a kind beautiful person. I know you haven't been coping yourself. so i am sending you a big beautiufl warm cuddly hug.

BB xxxooo

@Owlunar do you really think I was better when i was in hospital? was there ever a time since you have known me that i was in 'a better place'.

because i can't see it.

i feel such a strtong connection with you Dec. I know why - because you get it; you had a mum that treated you so terribly bad and you know what it's like.

i cried last night in bed hugging myself; i wrapped my arms around me and just cried so much for my dad.

but there is nothing i can do.

i want him to hug me; i want him. i better stop other i will cry again. i am always emotional.

i amm going this morning to look at bar stools to put at the kitchen bench. and a carpet rug.

and tomorrow my daughter and i are going to my sisters house to visit. My D will tell my sister that she is having a little girl. my sister is baby sitting her 2 beautiful grandchildren (4,3) so we will play with them. i cannot wait.

Tuesday is an appt with my GP first thing at 8.30 and the CAT team will call me and then an appt with my psychologist at 10.00am.

ii am not sure about work on wednesday. i am not sure about much these days.

Dec i am so scared, vulnerable, noty able to make decisions, so anxious about stuff, just so broken.

BB xxxooo