not feeling good

Hi @Owlunar @MoonGal @outlander @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Change123 @NikNik

I went to see my psych this afternoon. he is so good. we spoke about me stopping one of my meds. we decided that i couldn't stop it because the other one he was going to try i was not able to try it as i did in hopsital and it made me sick. so i will stay with that one and we have increased the dose of one of myu night one so hopefully i will not feel hungry anymore. this increase in dosage will help with this. my psych said that because of my huge stress load of moving and my increase in anxiety and emotions he wants me back in hospital the week of the move and even the night before of the move. i told him i need to be home on the day of the move and he agreed that i can have day leave and go home to move with the family but i will need to go back at night to be monitored. he said i will be quite easily traumatised and emotional with the move. it is very stresssful time. i told himm i don't know how hubby will take all of this and the kids. he said it is time i tell hubby. so i suggested that maybe we have a meeting with hubby and my psych together. he agreed that next monday we all meet. so monday we are meeting and he will discuss this with hubby. i am so glad that this psych will talk to hubby and explain my anxiety.

i also told my psuych about our finances and i won't have any paid leave being in hospital but he said that i will gain in the long term but lose in the short term. i agree but try saying this to hubby. lets hope that my psych can explain this to hubby.

he send a text message to the hospital and told them that he wants me b ack in on the 12th of june. so i do hope tht they can put me in on that date.

i am so lucky to have such good care at the moment.

@utopia

maybe I shouldnh't stay in hospital on moving night. maybe i should sleep in the new house with my family.

i don't know what to do. i am so confused. everyonen is telling me different things. i am so confused.

Hi @BlueBay
sorry I wasnt able to reply properly yesterday

im so glad you seen your psych. I agree with @utopia
your psych sounds bloody good!
Good luck with your meeting as well- I think that is a really good idea
before you make a decsion about what to do on moving night let your psych talk to your hubby and thats something that maybe all of you can discuss together to get some clarity and come to an agree

sending you hugs

@BlueBay - sounds like you have a really good and supportive psych. Hope they can advocate on your behalf with hubby. Putting lots of good things in place. Well done and happy for you!

Hi @BlueBay,

I can really hear your confusion on this and understand why you are looking for some guidance.

You sound quite clear in terms of what you what/need...you have reflected here that you want your mum to apologise for what happened to you and for not being able to protect you, and I may be wrong here but maybe even acknowledging what happened to you. Being told that you are loved is also a big thing and can understand why you are wanting this from your mum.

You mentioned a few times the 'little girl' in you. It is understandable that the inner child is scared about this situation and getting that apology that you so rightly deserve would be a good start to healing that 'little child' within you as well as the woman you are today. Do you feel an apology from your mum is something that is possible?

While you are wanting this apology it also sounds like you dont want to experience the abuse from your mum again and have said that you dont feel as though you are in a place right now where you could accept an apology. Is this in relation to your mum or more aimed towards your brother?

I'm happy to keep talking this out with you, both now and as the situation unfolds over time. As things stand now, maybe you could start brainstorming what you would say if your mum were to contact you. This is just a way for you to be prepared if she does contact you and for you to have some control in the situation. Hopefully by planning in out ahead of time you already know what your go to response is and it may help with the emotions that come up at that time. This may mean that you think about some boundaries in relation to contact with her...if your bottom line is that you need an apology to have further contact with her for example, then this is ok. Do you have any thoughts on this? If you think something else may be helpful I'm open to that too

Sorry it took me so long to respond, I had a lot of thoughts and not sure this post covers it completely but its a start

Hi @Former-Member

Thanks for your reply. I'm glad you're able to help.

Yes i am confused, lonely and confused.

This time i am quite clear because the last time I went back and spoke to my arents (4 yrs ago) i ran back to them without thinking about any consequences or what if's. This time i know the consequences and the what if's; i know how she works. and i know how hurt i got last time and i donm't want to get hurt that bad ever again so i guess i am protecting myself as a child and as an adult if that makes sense.

my rational mind is saying that i will never ever get an apology from her. because she is always right, she never thinks she is wrong, we are the ones that are wrong, we are the ones that are stupid, dumb, get it all wrong, not her. so she will never admit defeat or apologise.

but my emotional mind is sayhing yes i would like an apology from her. i want an apology for the words she said to me (she told me i betrayued the family);the things she said were so hurtful, she behaved terribly as a mother; i will never forget.

i want to try and get something toghether in my head that if and only IF one day we were to meet again then i need to know what to say to her and also what to say to myh dad. because i miss myh dad so so much because of her.

if i was to contact her again and we did start seeing each other again, it would be on my terms this time for eg. i would only ring when i felt like ringing eg. once a week. i would onlyh vist when i felt like it and not felt obliged to go when she tells me to.

I am really scared because i know how hurt i got the last time. and i don't want to get hurt again. i was so vulnerable running back to them that time. i was so stupid but i guess i just wanted to see them.

thanks for helping me work through this 🙂

Hi @Former-Member @MoonGal @utopia @outlander @Former-Member @Owlunar @Zoe7 @NikNik

I need some advice on something

I have some pictyure frames that my mum gave me years ago that I want to throw away - but hubby thinks I should keep. I told him I want to start with everything new, fresh in the new house. They are nice fairly new and fashionable picture frames but I still don't want them in my new house and defintely not up on any walls.

He says let's take them and put them in the garage. Why? why would i take them and put them in the garage. I want to sell them or even just tyhrow them out. i could 'accidentally' break them.

Am i being a 'bad person' if i throw them out or break them up into pieces?

And what do i say if my mum was to ask me one day what happened to those picture frames that i gave you, where are they? or where are all thre other stuff that i left you, where are they all? what do i say.

now i am panicking because tomorrow is the garage sale and i have all her stuff out in the garage ready to get rid of. am ii doing wrong inn getting rid of it.