not feeling good

Thank you @Decadian

I tend to get asthma when I get a cold in winter. This time it came out of the blue after having a sore throat for a day. And it came on very quickly. That was two weeks ago and I am still suffering. I do have my puffer with me.

I have a feeling it could be this time stress related. My doctor thought the same thing. So I am hoping that when i go into hospital, i can relax as much as possible and my asthma will be okay. But if not i am in a good place and they have a doctor that does rounds for physical problems.

Took Jersey for a walk down the beach this morning; it's not sunny but it's warm. I think i will stay inside the rest of the day, maybe watch a movie and have a rest. I have a headache at the moment which could be stress too.

Thank you for your hugs and for thinking of me. I always think of how you are. Take care xxoo

ps. Get through today and tomorrow and then I'm in. I can't believe how 'excited' I am to be going back to hospital. Is that a bad thing @Decadian??

Hi @BlueBay

It's not bad to be glad and excited that you are going to hospital - think of it as a "holiday for your soul" - something you reall need

I am glad you have a puffer - I said preventer - I meant reliever or puffer

Yes - your headache could be stress - it is wise to take it easy today and tomorrow

Dec

Thats a good way of seeing it @Decadian - a rest for my soul. Think my brain and body need it too!!!

Hello @Decadian xx

was that caused by your research, yep sure was xx

I put in the details of my blood sugar and the RED ALERT came up and thought arrrggggg and then today my negative MIL said oh no, no , what else will happen

as MI runs in her family and her 4 children have it , she thought I would help my hubby -- her son get better

Will someone pls tell me I am not thinking straight - because I am now doubting whether I should go into hospital or not. I am so guilty for going in; lack of money, close to xmas, no presents, too much to think of.

Am I being selfish for going in? When I was in local hospital last weekend the CAT team clinician said it was really good that i hadn't been in hospital since July. I guess having BPD means hospital more often for some. I don't now.

I am doubting so much at the moment, see this is what hapens. i make a decision and then doubt it until the day comes. why do i do this?

Maybe if i just run away and be on my own for a while it will work out - no that's stupid.

Why do i need so much reassurance from others - because i can't believe or trust myself or my decisions.

i am so not strong to make any decisions 😞

Hi @BlueBay

I know you dont want ot hear this but you need to decide on your own, you know whats best for you. If you feel a break will help go into hospital and have that break you need. Dont worry about what others think or practioners say (ie. not many visits to hospital is good) Your the only one who can say how your body and mind is and whether you need a break - dont feel guilty!

Hope you are good otherwise.

Hi @BlueBay

You are not thinking straight - but I know you pretty well by now and know you need to sort your head out and hospital is the best place right now

You have trouble making decisions - and this is part of the massive anxiety you suffer from - and so this is one thing to be positive about - all the months since you were in hospital last have been tumultrous - but you have been growing and learning and working and you have had one thing after another

So now it's decisions and decisions have consequences but here's a little secret - so does not making decisions

About the money and Christmas and the lack of presents - too much fluff really - money problems are always an issue - and presents - really - let me tell you a story

Early one year - 1986 - I was shopping and found two cute little mugs and thought "They will be cute presents for my teenagers at Christmas with some lollies and cash" - and I bought them and put them aside

I can hardly believe 1986 - my son was in prison and there were 2 court hearings - and I had a hysterectomy - then a car accident - and my son died - then I had to have surgery for the injury in my car accident - and I had to defer my exams and did them viva voce - and then it was Christmas and I had done no shopping at all.

I could drive again by then and went to the shopping centre on Christmas Eve - but I could not go in - so I went home and got these two mugs and put Christmas cards in them writing to my husband and dd about how much I loved them and how sorry I was that I had not been able to do any Christmas Shopping.

I felt pretty bad - but I just could not face the shops and after that year my mind was blasted out

Now - would you say I was wrong for not doing some shopping that year?

Now - all these years later I don't think about that at all really - but consider this - you have had a crappy year - all the time I have known you - such a battle. Is it any different because you have an MI and the world hits you in the face. Is it worse to have physical problems?

Actually - it is not possible for you right now - I am just reminding you of what you have been saying - whether your problems have been physical or emotional or because of your MI or whatever - they are just as real - what else would you do? You know running away won't help

I like what @Change123 has written - no one can make your decisions for you - but the two points here are

Going to hospital for MI reason or physical reasons is the same - you need the treatment and

What else are you going to do?

Put aside your confusion and think about Huffnpuff and let him do the work and if you are in hospital then he can get some presents - and your children are adults now and surely they don't expect Father Christmas to come down the chimney

Through all the chaos of the last months you have been running your home and cooking meals and going to work - so you are not useless - in fact you manage a whole lot better than I did when I was in and out of hospital - part of the revolving door

You want things to change yeah - this is where you start - you make up your own mind - and I have just written it out clearly - I hope - from what I see

Hugs - Dec