not feeling good

@BlueBay I see you have found a new little buddy to play with - yea for you

@Former-Member is a gorgeous little funshine with lots of love, compassion and advice to give - you couldn't find a better friend xxxxxx

...and she does to roam around a lot too so you two should get on relly well lol

Feeling the love here tonight, thank you @Zoe7

I'm still roaming for a little longer tonight if you want to chat @BlueBay

hi @Former-Member

I'm not sure if I have got this right but when i am 'in that BPD behaviour' I feel angry, frustrated, whatever emotion at the time. For eg. with my psych i feel angry, abandoned and rejected by him. He hasn't really done anything wrong except not call me back but I feel that he doesn't care about me. And that bit hurts, it hurts so much to know that i called for help and advice but he never called. so to me i think that he doesn't care.

at the moment not much is working for me; i think when i feel like this i end up catastrophising everything; i have been treated terribly by my mum and it hurts what she did and said to me; something i can never ever forget. the pain is still too raw.

i am not sure if i understand what you mean. now i feel stupid because i can't answer your question properly. see now my BPD behaviour and thoughts are coming into my head. i am so stupid

You're not stupid @BlueBay at all. You are able to see what's happening and why it might be happening for you. They're really important things that can be really hard for some people to identify. You know that the problem is with the way you are feeling, and it seems to me like you really want to be able to get these feelings under control but you're struggling to do that. And I can totally understand how that could happen!

Hi @Owlunar

i know you understand me and how hard it is for me especially in regards to my mum.

it is hard to stay with my feelings because i don't want to because it hurts too much. i have b een hurt so badly by the ones that should have protected me and they didn't. and still to this day they are hurting me.

@Owlunari hate it; i hate the way my mum has treated me all those years ago and is still treating me. i better not continue because it will trigger me and i will end up doing something bad.

@Owlunarhow do I repair my soul? how do i find peace within?

@Former-Memberi know i understand what my problem is most of the time; it's just i don't know how to control my emotions. tonight is an example of how my emotions are, terrible.

i am sorry, i don't know what to say. i feel i don't know much and feel really incompetent. i feel that i can't answer many people's posts because i sometimes feel dumb and don't know what to say. i then read other people's replies and think everyone is so smart. but not me. i don't know how to answer questions properly.

For what it's worth @BlueBay I don't think you're dumb and I meant what I said about how much I got out of hearing you mention your BPD behaving badly, so thank you for that. I am sorry if anything I have said has made you feel silly. Emotions can be seriously hard, annoying, frustrating things to try and control sometimes and I feel that sometimes (lots of the time at the moment) too, as I am sure we all of do.

@Former-Member

no nothing you have said tonight has made me feel silly. it's me and my BPD behaviour and the way i think. i feel that when someone asks me a question that i really don't know how to answer i then feel so dumb and don't know how to answer.

I am really interested to know more about BPD and also did you recover from BPD? how did you cope when your emotions were out of control?

i really enjoy chatting with you 🙂

Thank you @BlueBay and I really enjoy chatting with you!

It's been a really long journey for me, and has recently taken a massive backwards step but there's lots of things I can remember that really helped me. One that really stands out is that I learnt about trauma and realised that so much of what I was experiencing really came back to some of the terrible things that have happened to me. It kind of made me see that what I was doing or feeling or thinking, were a result of those things. This helped me to feel a little bit less like there was something terribly wrong with me and that I was 'bad'. Just that tiny shift in mindset seriously helped because I think it eased up some space for me to feel a bit less angry with myself I suppose. That's the baby step I took that kind of started it all.

Do you think what's happening for you could be a similar kind of thing?

I need to read back on this thread.... if that's ok? Because the subject of BPD is quite traumatic for me to be honest with you both. @BlueBay and @Former-Member and I want to comment but I don't want to stick my foot in my mouth either.

Well at least minimise it. 😛