not feeling good

@Faith-and-Hope That is such a powerful, caring and honest post. 💕💕

I’m sorry you have had to deal with that, and all the other trauma in your life.

Keep being you. 💕💕

@BlueBay you deserve better. If you can just find some breathing space today, you are doing ok. We can’t possibly live up to the expectations of others. Take care. 💕💕

@MDT 💕💕💙💙

not doing much @MDT

went for a walk early this morning with my D and little A. then i tried to make a little mask for A but i broke the needle and can't work out what's wrong with the machine. It's me, everything i do is turning out shite and damaged.

i am going at 2pm to see my chiro reg. my migraines over the past few days.

you know i just want to take something and not deal with the world at the moment

sorry @Faith-and-Hope i really didn't acknowledge your post properly. Thank you for beingn so honest with me. I am going to talk to my doctor next week when i see him. I was going to email the dietitian to see if he knows of anyone else i could see, but not sure if i should do that.

he told me that my stress is the biggest culprit of my eating disorder, that once i got the stress in order the other things in my life would. don't know if i can believe that.

i had so much trust and faith in this guy, he was friendly nice and easy to talk to. now i feel shattered that yet again someone else is turning their back on me. does he know how that feels? i bet he doesn't. it rips into me, it tears me down. and then i feel worthless, like what's the point.

i don't know i can trust anyone anymore.

@Maggie you are so kind with your words to me. trouble is i don't believe it myself.

right now i just want to disappear. i will tell my doctor when he rings how i am feeling. i don't think its just the work thing (starting again after 8 weeks) that's a big part of it; but also the Covid virus and the lockdown. it's really doing my head in. i feel i am going crazy (crazier)

Hi @BlueBay ,

It sounds as if you are feeling really stuck and quite hopeless at the moment. I'm sorry that you are getting thrown around by certain feelings right now, and it's all feeling very tricky to manage. I'm happy to see you are being super well supported by our community and I want to echo that support by letting you know that we in the Moderators team are here for you too and care very much for your well-being and on-going welfare and want to be here to support you in any way we can. As always, a reminder you can reach out to SCBS or Lifeline if you'd like some direct support and someone to chat too. Let us know if there's any way in which we can best support you from here.

Kindest regards and sending all the love,

Otter

All i know at the moment @Otter is that i am taking things hour by hour.

not sure how i will get through the next few days.

i am so stressed, anxious and my head is so mixed up, tangled with so much

@BlueBay I understand how hard it is to hear anything positive or kind. I’m like that myself. But it doesn’t mean we stop saying it to you. Even if, every now and then, just momentarily you believe it, it’s ok. It goes into you brain.

I’m also sorry about the huge disappointment with your dietician. It is really hard to deal with rejection of any sort.

I hope tonight is ok enough for you. Take care. 💙💙💙

@MDT 👋🏻👋🏻💙💙

Hey @Maggie @MDT @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Owlunar and others

I rang the CAT team earlier. i had to drive down the beach and park the car and talk. couldn't do this from home with a full house.

they didn't say much - just use your coping skills, distract, distract and distract. as if i don't know that already.

my doctor rang me to see how i was going and he too said - stay positive, think positive, write things down, distract yourself. how many times do i know this and i am sick of people saying 'stay positive'

how can you when you're in a negative bad way in your mind??

I'm tired of this, i really am. i saw my chiro, he adjusted my neck. need to take it easy.

i really don't care anymore.

i suppose on a good note - i received an email before from Centrelink, my jobseeker has been approved. so now i need to report my earnings fortnightly and be paid. i also i guess need to show that i am looking for work. not really sure how it works, have never done this before. it's all new scary to me.

i am going to go now, i hope to be back later. sabotaging is bad. oh by the way, i emailed my psychiatrist just to let him know exactly how i am. he needs to know i haven't taken my meds, but now i am. he needs to know how desperate, anxious and fear i have for next week to start work. but i haven't heard back yet, i am sure he will be angry with me reg. the meds. but i told him i hope he doesn't get angry because i am being honest with him. dependingn on what he says is whether i stay or leave him. if he gets anghry, then that's it i will not stay with him.

ok, i am going.