not feeling good

I'm ashamed of myself

my behaviour

and my stupid thinking

I just never learn

why can't I just behave in a better way

What the hell is wrong with me

@MDT @Faith-and-Hope @Maggie @Shaz51 @Owlunar

@BlueBay @MDT 💙💙💙💙

I'm sorry @MDT i didn't reply last night. I ended up chatting online with a counsellor.

@Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar @Shaz51

I had a phone consultation with my dietitian yesterday morning. He told me that if there's no progress then he csnt hrlp me. Because he gets audited by his supervisor and if no progress is made then it has to stop.
great when I heard that I thought more abandonment. Why not. It's all my fault. I should have done more. I'm hopeless. I'm so stupid. I'm angry.
I then made a doctors appt fir tiday. But an hour later I saw my appointment cancelled by the clinic. I made the appointment because I'm not coping. I'm very very anxious. I'm so messed up in my head. I feel I need to escape run away. I feel my adrenaline is high.
And to be very honest with you and everyone else it's because I'm trying to find a good excuse to not go to work. I'm sabotaging everything at the moment. It's like a race against time. I'm back on Tuesday but I have fear of going. I'm scared of getting injured, catching the virus.

you all must think I'm a terrible person. I feeling helpless and getting a bit desperate.

so this is a clear picture of my life right now.
my migraine is lingering. I'm might go to my chiro and he'll help.

I just want to be swallowed up. 😢😢😢

@BlueBay It all sounds awful, it really does.

Its not your fault @BlueBay, it’s the fault of things done to you. I know you can’t hear that, because I can’t for myself either,

You are not a terrible person. You are hurting, and trying to work through trauma.

I hope you might be able to do one thing today for yourself. Sending 💙💙💙

I'm desperate I can't deal with this.
my doctor called and I told him how I am feeling. He will ring me at 2pm.
Loser pathetic person I sm

It sounds like it's time to find a new dietician @BlueBay ...... you sought help from a dietician to support you around your food issues - not someone to give you the ultimatum to "get results or I will drop you".

I struggled to manage my health with metabolic syndrome, and that is generally caused for four different reasons - poor dietary habits (which I didn't have), poor exercise habits (which I didn't have), an underlying illness creating metabolic imbalance eg diabetes (which I didn't have), or high-stress circumstances producing high levels of stress hormones that throw the body's metabolism into chaos (which I did have).

Do you know that I had doctors who didn't believe me about my dietary intake and exercise habits, because in the absence of a serious underlying illness, they were unaware of the high-stress cause, and felt that I had to be lying ? I am so glad I kept searching for support for my situation.

I also got, "if things are so bad at home, why don't you just leave ?' from doctors who had no understanding about coercive control as domestic violence ...... it's only now that my situation is starting to become obvious to others, and my metabolism is recovering slowly. It has taken a long time.

@Maggie is right .... you are in trauma recovery, and your dietician's company policy doesn't support trauma recovery - it adds to the trauma with a "not good enough" message, which is the opposite of what you need. I suggest you ask your doctor to refer you to another dietician who can support your trauma recovery, which is your true reason for needing a dietician's assistance.

💙💙💙

Thsnks @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope

I don't know. The note the day is going on the mire I'm in a panic state.
Trying to fight with my thoughts and feelings.
Omg I don't think I can get through.