not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay

I don't think you're a terrible person but I must remind you it's not clever to self - sabotage and you know that so I will leave it there

When it comes to going back to work and you don't want to then don't - there's no shame in that - no one wants to expose themselves to the coronavirus

About looking for work - that's easy - cold canvassing isn't a good idea right now but you can look up businesses in your area and check what they are about and either ring them or email to see if they need anyone and keep record of what you do for Centrelink

It's hard for everyone righr now - I am really sick of hearing about it - I've just had a COVID test and I have to totally isolate until I go to hospital next Friday - and I am totally over it

So you are in good company - I am sick of all the cliches too

So what can I say to help - nothing really - just keep breathing

Dec😷🦉

hi @Owlunar @MDT @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51
I'm trying very hard today to take it hour by hour. I can't do more than that atm. My head is not good.
im going for a long walk with hubby soon. Littke A goes to her dads on Saturday's, comes back at 4pm. It's so quiet when she goes.

Deep down I know that sabotaging isn't good but I have this part of me that sort of likes doing it. It doesn't make sense. But right now I'm calmer than yesterday. And don't worry I'm still taking my meds.
@Owlunar I'm hating this mask thing and lockdown. I hope your result comes back negative. You must be feeling terrible. I really feel for you. And I'm sorry to hear about your daughter with her back. That's not good either.

i had a really good chat online with Sane counsellor. It was a really good chat. I'm getting the same person most nights do that's been helpful too because they remember things.

snyway I better go snd do some washing. Then clean up a bit. Then go fir a long walk.
chst later my beautiful friends. Xxxxx

💙💕 Morning @BlueBay .....

Update:

after emailing my psych yesterday and been very honest with him I received a phone call this mirning.
his receptionist said thst he would like to admit me. I told her that i rang two weeks ago and on list. She then said that my psych wants me to see a physician that works with him. He wants me to have a complete physical to rule out anything that's missed. He also works at the same hodpital I'll go to. So if I'm admitted he'll see me there.

For once I'm feeling ok about this. I feel that my psych is really listening to me. I have to ring the hodpital again on Monday.
@Faith-and-Hope @MDT @Owlunar @Maggie @Shaz51

@BlueBay That sounds positive. I really hope you get help now. Take care. 💙💙

Hi @Maggie @MDT @Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar @Shaz51 and others

I've made a decision. I'm not going to wirk this week. I'm waiting to be admitted into hospital. Hoping my psych will speak to the manager of the unit tomorrow and up my priority. I'm glad now that I emailed my psych on Friday. I think he knows I'm desperate and I haven't been this honest with him in a long time.
I'm happy with this decision as well. i think now is the time I go in. I need to reframe my mind thoughts and behaviour again .

also I'm not if I told you all. I was approved on Friday for jobseeker payment and low income health care card. I'm really hsppy about that. The payment is more than what I was getting at the pharmacy.
I will need to report earnings fortnightly and look for work.

All I need to do is tell hubby my decision and tomorrow talk to the manager at supermarket.

Hoping to do a walk today. And I thought I want to make felt finger puppets for little A.
And make some masks.

That sounds like a good decision to me @BlueBay .... and excellent self-care. So glad you were approved for Jobseeker and the health care card. You need support in your recovery, and you have asked for, and received it. Good on you ❣️