not feeling good

Dear @BlueBay ... you've had a very emotionally challenging day by the sound of things. I'm really sorry thats the case.

You said earlier about some of the things you wrote "to just ignore it, .. its crap".

None of your thoughts, memories or feelings are crap BlueBay. You deserve to be heard, you deserve to be able to express your feelings. And I'm happy that you have felt able to do so here throughout today.

I expect you will be alseep now, and no doubt you will be woken early when Little A comes looking for her loving Nonna. Sleep well, sleep soundly .. and I hope tomorrow sees you feeling much better. I hope the hand is not giving you too much trouble.

Sending you love and hugs.

Sherry 💕🤗

Hi @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member thankyou for last night

@MDT @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Maggie and others

I don't know what to say other than I'm

hurting

angry

depressed

last night really hit me as to how angry abd deeply hurt I am

I just want to hide away inside. It's a beautiful day but I really want to do nothing. My palm is sore where stitches were. I'm putting bio oil for itchy snd scar.
I've been reflecting a lot lately and I'm very confused. Not sure.
my marriage - I've been married 34 yrs and I'm not sure if I'm happy in it or want to leave. To be very honest and open with you all I'm just very uncertain. He is a great guy when his OCD isn't annoying me. He does help around the house and has always been here for me when I've been sick mentally or physically. We do get on when away just the two of us. He's not controlling.
but - there been no intimacy whether it's emotional physical or sexual for a while. That can't be good.
Some days I could just run away but is that just me wanting to not deal with the real issues.
finances- the money we have is very quickly going. Either we sell or I find a better job. im so confused.
Am I irrational or are these normal thinking?? I don't know.

I've changed my appointment to see my psych earlier. Seeing him on Tuesday.

I am so stressed I'm exhausted and not thinking.

@BlueBay I often write things down. Pros and cons.

What are the benefits of staying in your marriage?

What are the benefits of leaving? Etc.

I think the things you are dealing with are normal thinking. Selling a home I’d huge, so is trying to make finances meet needs.

You have been unwell, and getting over an op. Sometimes it takes time to get over an anaesthetic.

Seeing your psych early is a wise decision.

Some time out of thinking if you can, might be helpful.

Hearing you @BlueBay 💙💙💙

These are all very normal concerns that you've expressed @BlueBay ... and not at all irrational.

As for your marriage ... to me it sounds pretty reasonable. He sounds like a good man, does not ill-treat you, is essentially kind and does his best. Yes he has some OCD issues (I can sympathise with him there) which are very annoying for you. But we all have the ability to be annoying to those around us at some time or another. Nobody is immune, and no matter who you were with, that side of things is unlikely to be any different. I like the old addage that "its better the devil you know". As for the lack of intimacy ... when you have Little A essentially sharing your bedroom and bed, I'm not sure where intimacy will even get a look in. With your constantly crowded house, time alone with hubby will be impossible. Which is why its so important that you try to get away for a few days every now and then. Even try to get out for a "date night" occasionally ... movies, dinner, etc. Just so you can spend some time alone to talk about things other than 'whats for dinner and who's going to cook it' or the inevitable constant chatter when you have a house over-full of people.

Yes ... your stress and exhaustion is understandable. I'm glad you will be seeing your psych next Tuesday.

Sherry 🌺

thank you @Maggie @Former-Member

now that I've had time to think, you are both right. It is rational thinking and normal. I know there are a few things we need to change/accept and I know we should be ok.

Little mini breaks is what i really enjoy. Sherry Ive been looking but now it is school holidays and i don't want to go anywhere where theres kids or noise. i have enough of that at home!!!

So i will keep looking. I know that once the kids move it will be very different, something we will have to adjust to.

I think now i will concentrate on my own health, my physical and mental. And still look for another job, i would still prefer admin. i just love admin, reception work. but at the moment there hard to find.

As for intimacy - yes youre right, having a crowded house is very difficult to 'find that spark'. But to be very honest, i am not interested either. I would like to work on our communication, that may be the start.

I was thinking the other day that when i see my psych i could speak to him about hospital admission. pros of going - respite for me, doing therapy groups. cons - not been able to see any family because of the Covid, does it really help???

I could stay home these next three weeks and enjoy my walks with my D and A. I could do some more hair scrunchies and bows and get them ready to sell online. And i could book a few days away with hubby. Mmmm - maybe it's best i don't go.

I better go, need to do grocery shopping. We are taking A with us and giving my D a few hours break. She was supposed to go to her dads but he called and said he couldn't have A today. My poor D gets no break.

Chat later xxxxx

Hi @Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar @Shaz51 @MDT and others following

Hey my friend @MDT

how are you? Hope you have a nice Sunday.
just got home from grocery shopping. We took little A with us to give my D a break.

have a nice day. Chat later. Xxx

Good morning @BlueBay ... good to hear you sounding a lot more calm today, after having a chance to think.

Mini breaks are great if you can manage them. I did not realise it was already school holidays in VIC. That would definitely account for a shortage of getaway accommodation. And yes, I agree, that last thing you want is to get away and be inundated with kids and noise. Are the holidays 2 weeks, or perhaps 3 weeks? Maybe you can look to book something immediately after school goes back.

Sensible decision around work. You mentioned doing a course a few weeks back. Have you given any further thought to that? Admin and reception work is something I have done a lot of in my working life, along with accounting and bookkeeping. Given your musculoskeletal issues (back, hip, hands) it would probably be a good option. But yes, jobs in that area are hard to come by.

Working on your communication with hubby is a great start for you. The likelihood is that it will probably improve the intimacy side of things for both of you. Further helped by a reduction in numbers within the crowded house. Combination of both, may well increase your interest in such things. Stress in general is a real intimacy buster and, added to any opportunity of privacy, it just isnt going to happen.

Your thoughts about hospital admission ... interesting tooing and froing there for you. But it sounds as though you have already decided that probably now is not the best time to do that.

I'm not long back from my grocery shopping too. Normally I do ours on a Friday morning, but as Friday was taken up with travelling for hubbys medical specialist appointment, I'm out of routine. But I'm all stocked up again on the essentials for now. Does Little A enjoy going to the shops?

@Owlunar... I have been thinking of you these past few days, and hoping you are okay. You have been very quiet, and understandably so. I think you had a GP appointment the other day? Wondering how that went. And I think you have a birthday coming up real soon? I hope I havent missed it. Hope you are well enough in gneral , and coping adequately with the crook shoulder.

Hi also @MDT @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 and others reading along with BlueBay.

Sherry 🤗💖

👋💕 @BlueBay @Former-Member @MDT @Maggie @Shaz51 .... anyone else around .....

hello and hugs @Faith-and-Hope

hello @BlueBay , @Former-Member , @MDT , @Maggie