not feeling good

Thanks @Former-Member

I'm ok this morning. I was very rattled and emotional last night. But you know what men don't react like us. Hubby picked me up from the hospital group session and I told him it was a hard session and told him what happened. He says nothing to ease me he just says "I've heard that song again, but I'm ok". He didn't validate how difficult it was for me. So I shut down.
it really annoys me thst he's like this. And I can see it now with my journey at how he reacts or doesn't react.
I know I was going to wait a month before I referred myself agsin to see my psychologist but I can't wait.
still looking for a place. I would love to go up north but can't with Covid restrictions.
I haven't tried What

@Faith-and-Hope suggested reg dream. I didn't have time yesterday.
sinetimes I feel lufe is too hard. My few close friends have no clue on mental health. But then why would they they're not going through it. I just hate when one of them says "you'll get there"

hi @Eve7 @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Molliex @MDT @Maggie @Angels333

hi @MDT i know what you're saying. it's just that i wish they would all understand.

even my family, hubby and kids just even them would be good.

anyway the way i am feeling right now i wish i wasn't here anymore.

everything is too hard, life is hard, i don't have a stable job, i have one that is causing physical injuries so why do i bother??? not sure what job i want, not sure what i want in life generally.

not sure of anything right now

wish i was in hospital on my own just to recover on my own

but that's selfish because i need to be home for the family

they would see me as a failure because of me thinking that

don't know why i am writing this - just ignore it, it's crap

Hi @BlueBay

It sounds like you're having a difficult day today - I hope your peers here can provide some comfort.

It is great to see you're getting some support here on the forums, but I also want to encourage you to seek further support if you are in a crisis:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467

Take good care of yourself

Peregrinefalcon

@MDT @Former-Member @Former-Member @Eve7 @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope abd others

I'm positive that my upbringing has screwed me completely. My self worth my values my childhood have all gone.
I'm definite my mum is a narcissist and my childhood to adulthood has been severely damaged.
I'm a damaged person. I show to others only a little of me fir fear of being put in a vulnerable position.
I have no emotional intimacy with hubby or anyone.
I'm sngry. I want to scream.

@MDT I'm sorry you're feeling confused eith life too. Hugs 🤗

@Peregrinefalconthsnks for your support.

I can't think at the moment. I want to write something coming from my thoughts. Think I need to.

A mother I thought you were

but now I see you aren't that one anymore

you tricked me, you used me

you brainwashed me to hate my sister

when all she wanted was my help

and I never knew

you chose which child you loved on any particular day

all you could do was love me and hate me

call me daily - ignore me for days

why did I feel guilty

because you are my mum

yiu are supposed to love me forever

you're supposed to be genuine caring and sympathetic

but oh no not you - you have to be the one who can only get the sympathy and attention

you are the one who says lies to one child about the other

for years you've done this

why?? we're all your kids

or maybe you really hate me

Msybe you're jealous that I talk to my sister and you don't talk to any of your 9 siblings

how can you

all those years ago

I wanted you

but you turned me away

I will never ever forget that excruciating emotional day 😢😢😢

a broken child I was

and a broken adult I sm

Hey @BlueBay

It sounds like you are having such an awful night! It is so sad when a child feels that their mother did not protect them or love them the way each child deserves to be loved and protected by their mother. I can hear how much you are hurting right now @BlueBay.

How have you been coping with these difficult feelings tonight? Do you feel it may be time to reach out to a Helpline or someone you trust for support? My heart is with you tonight @BlueBay!

Kindest Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché

❤️ @BlueBay

@Former-Member Thankyou so much. I'm hurting. I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted mentally and physically.
I really would love to rip into something. Sh is on my mind. I'm hoping I can avoid that.