not feeling good

I can relate @BlueBay .... for me it's about stress hormones. My size is gently shifting since my soon2bX left .... I am finding I am not hypervigilent like I was.

It takes time for weight to increase and it takes time for it to decrease as well. Just stick to healthy eating and including exercise in your week. Your body will start to find its own way to the right size for you.

I am hearing you that it's tough, but not worrying about it, as much as you are able to, reduces the hormones that interfere with the process, so you are putting beans in the success jar every time you park up the worry.

💜

Ah yes @BlueBay

You want your life to be better - don't we all. I am sure this is a really hard time for you - I hear you - I am having a bugger of a time myself but rather than run away I think about what I can't change and try and accept it and nothing can be over until it is - but then - all the good things are over with the tough things and it's the end of your journey and do you really want that yet? - I am absolutely sure that you don't do what can we do about it?

You have to accept your past - nothing - not even God - can change what happened to you - it was bad and it was wrong and it can't be changed so you have to accept that - I have written about this on the forum and I have no doubt I will write it again - and I will soon but not right now

And your mother yeah - I had one like that myself - she can't be changed either - you can keep her in your life or not - it's up to you - but don't act out of guilt - that is never good - I know from my own past - walking away from my mother was the only way for me to deal with it and yes - that's hard - but you can choose that for yourself

About your work and your health - that is what you really need to work on.

There is your mental health - that is a given and you are working on that - I know you are emotional and that is okay - it's how you perceive things - you need to work on that and you are - and it will get better -

With your physical issues - they need attention - I read up on sacrilization of your spine - yes - with a tear that is painful - I don't know what anyone will do about that or if it will heal with rest - and your carpel tunnel issues need attention and then there is your hip and your shoulder -

So you need to make a choice and I know it's hard but not too hard - you can do this - it's between money and health and I know I spend money on my health - I know Huffnpuff cracks it but that's his problem - walk away - you need couple's counselling and if he won't go - that is something you can't change - I went to marriage guildance counselling for years on my own - total waste of time for the marriage - 100% great for me psychologically.

Would you be so hard on someone else with BDP and want to punish them? Would that help at all? I don't think so - it's really tough to battle that out with yourself but it doesn't help to me for you to be so hard on yourself - it delays everything and I am sure your life would be easier if you were able to be calm on yourself

If you want to go on working and that's okay - forget about the catty girls - whatever they think and feel and do has nothing to do with you. I have worked and studied and had a social life in so many different situations I can say honestly there will always be a "cat" in the works somewhere - there's no getting away from them - they find each other and bitch away in corners and the best thing is to keep a neutral face and attend to your duties and ignore them

Right now you are between a rock and a hard place and I have been there myself and know about it - I learned to make choices and often they were not popular - it is not at all selfish to make choices for our own well-being

So go and find a quiet place every day and work out what you really want. Your health needs time and attention and that's right - no job is worth wrecking your health and I had to go onto the DSP and take early retirement - it was a hard choice. It had to be made -

My shoulder is giving me a hard time but I am already making choices - I will be seeing a shoulder specialist next week - I have already decided I don't want joint replacement surgery - that can be brutal and I have thought about it before this. I am seeing a pain specialist who can manage the pain with local anaesethic injections which don't work for everyone but work for me -

I wouldn't and couldn't work with this old injury - I have already had it operated on twice and don't feel the need to go through Rehab when I know that the loss of movement in the joint is something I can cope with - the pain is severe from the fall I had but nothing is broken - I also know that cared for properlly pain does settle

So you can manage these things too - it takes practise - running away in your head won't ever work - taking time out to think about your choices does -

And life can be hard - very hard - but you deal with one thing at a time - your health has to be first

Sending hugs

Dec

Hugs @BlueBay . Be kind to yourself. It takes time. Right now your health issues are so important and you have enough to deal with xx

Hi @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Molliex @Owlunar @Maggie @Shaz51 @MDT abd others

saw my doctor this morning
I broke down. Told him I didn't go to wirk yesterday. Told him my bsvk is sore my hand is sore and now my shoulder. Told him about my excessive emotional eating and how bad I am. He listened and said "pls don't be hard on yourself". I told him I don't care about anything my job my eating. He advised that I still go to work. I couldn't talk much as I was crying. He said I'm going downhill znd it's not good. He said I was doing well but now I've gone down. He says my mental health won't help the psin.
I was in there for 30 minutes mostly crying.

I did go for a long walk with my D. We took A to the park. Bsvk open agsin. She ran and laughed and screamed. So hsppy to go.

I saw my chiro before snd he said I need to be careful with my shoulder. It's the rotar cuff. He massaged it snd it's helped a little but still not full range. He has given me a medical certificate to not lift more than 5kg and light duties.
I'm going to see the surgeon tomorrow and see what he says. I'm worried I'll lose my job because of this.

I may have to stop wirk for a few weeks to get the carpal tunnel done snd rest my shoukder. My doctor wasn't happy thst I'm lifting things heavy and awkward. He said they should be helping me otherwise I can go for worker's compensation.

@Owlunar I'm not stressing about my mum as much snymire. I know what she said to me years ago was not good. It destroyed me. But now I have my boundaries. She rings me almost daily to see how I am.

I just have to take things one step at a time. And right now my physical snd mental state are very important. If I have to apply for disability payment then I will.
Feeling like I'm on edge at the moment.

Tomorrow is going to be a big day.

psychologist appt

outpatient group

surgeon appt

I'll let you know what happens.

The certificate from the chiropractic is a good start @BlueBay . And the surgeon tomorrow will give you a few answers. You can’t help being unwell. 💙💙💙

I’m sorry your MH is going downhill, but physical pain really doesn’t help. I know you know that, and there’s not much more you can do atm.

Take care where you can.

Thanks @Maggie it means a lot to have your support and care.
How are you going? I forget to ask you. I'm sorry. ❤️

I'm crying right now

I'm really worried about money work

my health

I know I shouldn't worry

but I am 😢😢

@MDT @Maggie @Molliex @Owlunar @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51

@Former-Member

Shouldn’t worry, isn’t really that much of a choice @BlueBay . It’s not something you can switch off, I can’t anyway. You are doing your best. You are enough. 💙💙💙

I can't switch off either.
it's a nightmare

I'm trying my best @Maggie

@Thsnks again ❤️