not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay

Holidays are so great - we can forget about our life and it's ups-and-downs and just be for the duration - but we have to come home and face our ordinary life and that includes Melbourne weather for some of us - and what a shocker of a change that was - we had 34 degrees on Thursday and you returned to the bleak, wet and windies - we had thunderstorms where I am on Saturday too - so much fun to come home to (not)

I don't know what to say about dreams - we all have them - I get bad ones from my past too - they make us feel jittery too but they can't hurt us - what I have read on the subject of dreams is that our brains need sleep to sort our experiences - like filing - and the bad dreams seem so clear. I do know that I will have had wonderful dreams - I wake up wanting to go back there - often - but of course I never can. And I rarely can remember them either

But about feeling as if something bad will happen. When you got back from your holiday you seemed really positive about your daughter moving out and getting your house ready to sell. Then crash - things got a bit iffy - and I think it was good that you have been spending time alone reading - that's what I have always done

But bad things do happen. Things go wrong. We can examine our choices carefully and make the best decisions we can with the info we have. We can check things out. One thing we cannot plan for is things going sour.

Remember what I have said often. Today has enough problems of its own - tomorrow's problems will arrive soon enough and we deal with them tomorrow.

Worrying about tomorrow and things going wrong is hatching more worry - something you don't need. People buy and sell property all the time. You are in control of the decision to sell and you have already made it. I guess you have decided to move into rental accomodation after you have sold - looking at the market for rental property and real-estate at the same time - having your eye on these things is not worrying but it might ease the worry to have some knowledge of what's available will help

And I can tell you from experience that if something does go wrong it's something entirely unexpected out of left field and we can't stop it. You have a lot on your mind and there is the issue of your MIL as well. Gee - is is one tough old lady to hang on so long! That is a big deal certainly.

But she will pass and your kids will leave home and get on with their own lifes - go overseas, have more children, years will pass, things will happen and it is all out of your hands so try and let it go

And you are keeping away from your mother too. That's better for your MI. She sounds like a control-freak and doesn't like it when you make your own choices. Try and not let her bug you

All of this is easier said than done. Other's have given you some sound suggestions

Btw - you are getting stronger all the time - I'm not the only person here saying that. You are a very strong person dealing with all you have on your plate

Sending my best wishes - thoughts - etc

Dec

Hi @saturnzoon @Appleblossom @Razzle

It is so sad when there is a breakdown between grandparents and their grandchildren because of the way some parents behave. I don't know what motivates people to use a child for emotional blackmail but they do

My siblings and I were caught in the middle when we were children - when I finally got in touch with Dad's family I found they were fantastic and loving people and I still have good relationships with those who still remain and my cousins who were born later

So there is always the future. The present is hard I know - but things can change with time.

And I have a taste of the present too - I don't have anything to do with my siblings and therefore I am totally out of touch with their children - I just don't know where they are - they are adults and I have let that go but I have a little great-nephew I have only seen once and he was only a baby then - I didn't even know he existed. I wonder if there are more children but to find that out I would have to speak to my sister and that is something I do not want to do

My choice is to keep out of it - it's harder when these babies are your grandchildren - I really do understand that - but one thing is the same - the corrosive effect of toxic people - and I choose to keep out of it

But I did find my grandparents when I was old enough - I hope this happens for all of you too

Dec

Good Books on the beach is good self care @BlueBay

Thsnks @Appleblossom @MDT @Shaz51 @Owlunar for your reply

@Owlunar I understand your reply. I'm getting annoyed with my mum. Part of me says great she doesn't ring but the other part thinks gosh why doesn't she ring. One minute she rings every day now I can't remember the last time she actually rang. I feel guilty so I call.
it frustrates me so much.
this week weather is much warmer which I think I'll go down the beach.
I'm sick of this cold weather. I know now that my mood is terrible with cold weather.
I'm seeing my dietitian this Friday and starting my exercise program on Thursday. I'm anxious but hopefully it will be ok.
my D moves out in two weeks. I'm really going to miss my little A. I've got tears just writing this.
I won't see her daily like now.
anyway I guess I was very spoilt by having thdn here. And they need their space.
Good luck Dec with your psychologist appointment. I'm sorry you've been in pain. ❤️❤️

I feel like exploding

feel like crying but can't too many people around

I can't even walk alone because hubby is home for next two weeks snd this morning he walked eith me

why is it that as soon as we cane home I've changed

not feeling great

@MDT @Razzle @Appleblossom @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Gazza75 abd others

Hi @BlueBay

About your Mum - she does play games!!! - (That's not a quesion) - right now the issue seems to be phone calls - aw - I get that - I waited two-and-half years for my Mum to get around to contacting me - send some little notes and cards etc - I went on my gut feeling and stayed away

Maybe it would be good for you too - you have the upper hand then and that can empower us.

Doing something because you feeling guilty is people-pleasing and I think you are pretty sick of that because you do get used up. It is frustrating - this I really understand - but if have rung her and she hasn't rung back the ball is in her court. Ring her if you want to but not from guilt - don't let her manipulate you.

I know what it's like though

You will miss A - it will remain a beautiful memory that will improve time - you daughter needs to have her own home though and so do you. My Gran lived with us until just before she died - I loved it - I loved her - but I also saw the other side of the deal - my father was incredibly patient with the situation but she was my mother's mother and they fought like cats at times.

Been there - not fun - I call it "The Crowded House" in my memory and it was -

Anyway - I get anxious about things too - I am anxious about the pain specialist - let's ltry and not be anxious together - it really is a waste of nervous energy. I wrote all the things about this in my life - nearly 3 A4 pages - it felt better afterwards. I hate this kind of thing because it's about my medication and there are taboos around this kind of medication that really gets to me. This specialist is a kind man though and this sould be okay

But yeah - I get tense - I hear what you are saying

Thanks for your best wishes - I have been having more pain lately - partly because of the weather and also the progession of the condition in my spine. I will be okay though - I will always be okay

But tonight it's getting to me -

Dec

Hi again @BlueBay

This happens everytime you go away or go to hospital - l am not surprised -

The house is as crowded as it was before you went away and there is the same chaos and toys everywhere and people everywhere and noise and oh no!! Huffnpuff walked with you today and you need the time alone.

I am guess you feel guilty about telling him you want to go alone. Communication is a problem - I had this when I was living with my ex-h too - he managed to get in my way and I remember taking a walk on the beach with my glasses salting up from the spray and fogging up with the rain and thinking it was better to walk in the rain than stay home

So - tomorrow - tell him you want to go alone - tell him you need the time to yourself - tell his whatever is bugging you

I hope you can - if you want to save your marriage then you need two things that are seriously important

One is to have time to yourself and the other is to communicate

I'm sorry you are back in the muddle BlueBay - but it does happen -

Thinking of you heaps - you do need to be alone for half-an-hour or so each day -

Sending hugs

It is Monday again but not for long now

Hi @Owlunar I'm better this morning. I've got a doctors appt then going for a walk with D and A. And this afternoon I'm going down the beach to read my book. I was reading my book while away and now I'm right into it that I'm nearly finished. I hope that once A moves I'll have my time to read more books.

reg my mum - oh it's frustrates me so much the childish games she plays. But I still get angry. And then guilty and then call. But I'm going to stsy strong and hit call. My last call was sat afternoon when we got home.
I was thinking of going today with A but I've changed my mind. Why should I. I'm not wasting my holidays to go there. I prefer to walk and beach. The only thing is I miss my dad.
I better go I'll chst eith you later.
Oh I feel for you thst your back is causing pain.
back later I better go to the doctor. Xxxx

I'm angry and want to explode

WTF is wrong with men

i in m going to run away

I wznt to be alone

I ant to do something drastuc

my snger is so out of control

it's not even anything that bad but I'm angry

it doesnt matter to anyone

I'm just going to sit for a minute

why do u have to do everything

wirk out dinner lunches

wtf no one ever says "you sit down I'll cook tea"

it doesn't matter

I'm been parhetic

when we were away things were so different

I feel like smashing something

Why do I feel I act different when in one of my moods

I feel like a child

this is so stupid