not feeling good

Like everyone else here @BlueBay , I have been thinking about you a lot. And I miss seeing you around every day. Its been a few days since we last heard from you now, at which time you were not feeling at all well. I really hope you are okay now ... and more importantly ... safe!

Waves to @Owlunar @Gazza75 @oceangirl @Shaz51 @Zoe7 and others.

Awww gee @Owlunar I do love those flowers you just posted. And the notation with them "I always find that flowers heal my heart when it hurts". The flowers remind me of my recently departed Mum, who very much adored flowers. In fact the flowers you posted here, are very similar to what we had on the stationary we used for Mums death notice, thank you notes, order of service, etc. 😢 But there are happy memories there too, because she loved flowers so much. So .. thank you. 💕

Sherry 💕

Hi everyone @Former-Member @Gazza75 @Owlunar @oceangirl @Shaz51 @Zoe7

@Faith-and-Hope @MDT and others following

I’m not sure what to write. I’ve gone from crying to anger to frustration to overwhelmed to dark depression and repeat for the past few days.

My emotional eating has gone crazy.

Im sorry I csnt reply to each one as it’s too overwhelming still for me.

I was going to go away forever but realised even though still fragile snd overwhelmed I need you guys.

If I left I had no one to vent or talk to except my professional people.

Ive made a decision together with my doctor to stop trauma therapy. I emailed my psychologist and told her I wasn’t coming back. It was too triggering and left me physically sick for days. Even now I’m still not right.

To be honest I felt very overwhelmed and judged about my post snd the replies. I don’t want to go into detail.

I needed a break. Not sure I’m going to be bsvk here daily but I’ll see.

Thsnkyiu all for your concern and support.

I really don’t know what else to say.

Oh @BlueBay 😀💜 You've actually said all that needed to be said ... you are safe. Thats enough for now.

Well done too on making the decision to cease the trauma therapy, and notifying the psych. I think for you, at this time, that is the right decision. It could be something you choose to revisit in future .. if it feels right then.

Im sorry to hear you felt overwhelmed and judged from your post. I dont understand why, but accept you dont want to go into that any further. It sounds as though your decision to take a few days break was a very sensible one, under those circumstances.

But I have to say ... Its lovely to have you back again. Under whatever circumstances seem right for you, beit daily, hourly or weekly. Always happy to hear from you.

Sherry 😀💕

It seems like you and your GP have made a wise decision based on your state after the psych sessions @BlueBay That is exactly what my GP and pdoc decided (with my input) for me under similar circumstances. When the therapy that is supposed to help us actually causes us more grief and pain it can be wise to stop for our own wellbeing.

Like @Former-Member I do not understand how responses to your post could cause you to feel overwhelmed and judged as they all quite obviously came for a place of care in direct response to what you were feeling and thinking yourself at the time - but we are also not walking in your shoes and can only respond to what is written - that aside hearing that it has had an impact on you and acknowledge that your feelings here are valid for you.

Whether you are here often or occsaionally is entirely up to you but however or whenever you are you have suport around you. Hugs and love Hon

I'm glad to see you here @BlueBay - and your post is excellent - you have said what you needed to and reported a bad spell - really bad - and made a huge decison about your therapy

No wonder you feel exhausted

I know you feel judged - I am pretty sure that's your BPD talking - your black-and-white thinking does this for you and we are not judging you and I certainly don't detect anything like that there

One reason we don't is that you are so hard on yourself - and good-on-you! for making a positive choice - well done -

But you feel judged - I get that - it does read as if a bunch of people were jumping the queue to post about how we see the trauma therapy - maybe - no - I am sure this was overwhelming for you

In the meantime come in when you can - when you feel okay about it - I have been reading what you write here for years now and I detect a lot of emotion, traumatic memories, frustration etc - but never self-pity -

People here like you - you are a valued contributor - you care about other people and you are worthwhile

Glad to see you and hope you can get some peace tonight - and a good sleep

Dec

hugs and hugs my sister @BlueBay

Thank you all ❤️

I’m still not right. Making the decision to end trauma psychology sessions was difficult but very much needed. I couldn’t keep going.

I saw my dietitan yesterday and he was very happy that I’m walking daily. I’ve been walking every morning before Work fir 2 weeks now. On my own with my music on fir about 30-50 mins. And I’m loving it. Just to be alone.

I still need wirk on my emotional eating disorder. But he is great guy with lots of care and support.

This morning I’m going to walk to a cafe near a marina. It’s a beautiful spot. It will take about 45 mins to get there from home. I think hubby will join me snd we’ll stop fir a ciffee.

Im having terrible gut issues and it’s gotten worse this week. If it continues I will let my doctor know on Wednesday.

I may need to have a test. My dietitian is concerned it’s gone on for too long.

Off to do some housework then my walk.

Hope you are all ok. I’m so thankful to have you all in my life on here.

@Shaz51 @Owlunar @Zoe7 @MDT @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @oceangirl and others I’ve missed ❤️❤️❤️

You're doing great @BlueBay and thats really good to hear. So pleased your dietician is on board and being so supportive on a number of fronts. Keep up the walking, its good for your mental and physical health, both equally. Proud of you.

Sherry

This sounds so positive @BlueBay - I am really glad to read this post today - and to know you are doing the walking routine everyday - this way you are getting time to yourself and exercising at the same time

Great multi-tasking

Making the decision to end your trauma sessions would have been huge and no wonder you are exhausted - and your dietician seems like a very positive person to have in your life - dealing with your gut issues too - maybe you do need to have that tested and he is in a position to be strong for you in that area - I am glad to read all of this

You are well-loved here - we can just care about you and be here for you - your thread has been running for a long time with a large number of contributions from other people - I can assure you that this would not be the case if people here did not find you worthwhile - you are worth it and I feel you have made a huge step forward in finding your future

Lots of love today - Dec