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Battling between my head v my physical self

Misunderstood88Senior Contributor16 June 2023, 8:50 pm AEST

Battling between my head v my physical self

TW SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND URGES

i have these thoughts and urges all day everyday for the past few years. It has been challenging lately as it’s more intense than usual. To also have paranoia about every little thing that happens is a bad combo… I feel that the voices in my head plus the tv is telling me that it’ll be worth it (acting on the urge and thoughts) how good it’ll be when it happens… I know that’s never the case I know that I’ll feel worse and that will whirlpools into deeper into the idea and urges… my physical self is battling with both state of mind, the unconscious and conscious mind of mine… when these three fights with each other I feel lost as to what I should be doing… I’m taking risk each time and it’s gets higher and higher every time… I reached out to someone the other night under this name, he was helpful but even then I did what I did.. it didn’t stop me from myself and that’s what scares me, how do I stop myself from myself? I need help and I need it now coz all I’m hearing right now is to just get on with it and just let go…

58 replies

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In response to: Battling between my head v my physical self

tymeModerator05 July 2023, 5:23 pm AEST

Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

That's good to know @outlander about the role of companies versus individuals.

@Misunderstood88 , I'm sorry this has happened to you. It sounds so difficult to sit with. We are here for you. Good on you for being able to reach out to share what has been happening for you.

Are you able to give the company/people feedback so they understand how this affected you?

In response to: Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

outlanderSenior Contributor05 July 2023, 7:56 pm AEST

Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

@tyme it can be abit messy sometimes. theres been many times clients that attend our groups etc werent aware of changes until they had already happened. it happens more often then people think which is quite frustrating or sometimes it can be a once off change.

In response to: Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

tymeModerator05 July 2023, 8:21 pm AEST

Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

That sounds tough for people not to know until it happens @outlander .

I can only imagine the effect it can have on participants. However, i also recognise that there are many changes that come with the nature of the job.

In response to: Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

Misunderstood88Senior Contributor05 July 2023, 8:35 pm AEST

Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

@tyme @outlander I have given them my feedback and they are trying their best to get someone who can do the long hauls and not just the one offs... They're well aware that I thrive better when I get support workers that come regularly and not just on odd occassions...

Tonight my heads on a pretty dark place, I try not to dwell on what's in my head but the cunning side of me is pushing its way forward and tries to take hold of me... It's plans after plans that s ems no ending. It's the sensation it brings and everything that comes with it that I can't stand much longer... This weekend but I'll be interesting as it's abit of a worry that I give into this cunning side of me...

In response to: Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

tymeModerator05 July 2023, 8:50 pm AEST

Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

Good on you for being able to provide that feedback @Misunderstood88 . Unfortunately, sometimes you are the only one that can advocate for yourself. Well done on doing so!

I hear that you feel you are in a pretty dark place right now. It sure sounds tough! By connecting on these forums, I hope you will feel less alone in what may be very difficult right now.

Remember, the forums are here 24/7. There is ALWAYS someone online.

Although we are not a crisis service, if you need a chat, there is someone here for you.

Once again, well done on reaching out. I acknowledge it is not easy, but you are on the right track 🙂

In response to: Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

outlanderSenior Contributor05 July 2023, 9:02 pm AEST

Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

yes there sure are @tyme however most of the time when staff are actually leaving i know most companies try to give a transition period where the new support worker will go with the current worker to learn about the client but it doesnt always happen

In response to: Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

outlanderSenior Contributor05 July 2023, 9:04 pm AEST

Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

@Misunderstood88 thats really good that you were able to advocate for yourself. the company also sounds like they are trying their best to find someone who suits your needs and can be your regular support worker. i do hope they find someone soon for you,

can you do something to distract yourself from the thoughts? i know that can be difficult but you can always talk on here or other threads. lifeline, suicide call back service are also always avaliable 24/7 if you need some support more urgently

In response to: Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

Misunderstood88Senior Contributor05 July 2023, 9:22 pm AEST

Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

@outlander @tyme I feel less lonely and isolated when I see replies that encourage me to do things to help myself which I always take on board... And with that, it gives me strength to try and fight... And in those little encouragements I find a tiny reason to keep breathing... Which I barely have good reason to do so but tons of reason why I should give up and give in... I also wanna battle the thinking of my life being such a waste and failure... I can't see the light of the tunnel most times specially tonight... I see that it's my life's destiny to place that dot onto my story, my way and in my own hands. This is the last stop for me... I got nowhere to go to or run to anymore... I've tried all I could to persevere but it always lead to this point... It's universe's way of telling me that enough is enough it's time to let go and give in coz there's nothing ahead of me...

In response to: Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

tymeModerator05 July 2023, 10:09 pm AEST

Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

But you are making progress @Misunderstood88 .

By reaching out, you are finding ways to gain another perspective. Give it a chance @Misunderstood88 .

I hear it is hard now, but it won't stay that way forever. I know because I've been down that similar dark path.

In response to: Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

outlanderSenior Contributor05 July 2023, 10:52 pm AEST

Re: Battling between my head v my physical self

@Misunderstood88 have you ever thought about making yourself some achievable goals?
and finding things that make the day abit brighter?

with goals it doesnt even have to be big it might be go for a walk twice a week or make that appointment youve been putting off.

i know mental health makes it seem impossible to do anything but sometimes getting out there can actually help. have you considered doing some volunteer work at a place of interest like an animal shelter, or a refuge or a homeless shelter. something that would help you feel like your life is more worth living.

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