Battling between my head v my physical self

@outlander @tyme I currently am working at the Casino. So works been keeping me busy.. but when home time comes that's when it gets dangerous... I can't sit on my own most of the time... I like to be surrounded by people every waking day... If I'm left alone to sit on my own that's when I start questioning my existence... Once I start questioning my existence, then comes the negative side of things... See it's a whirlpool of events one after the other... It's so easy to see the negative but hard to see the positives in my life... I hope this fog lifts sooner than later...

I'm not doing so well tonight... I feel like it's the end of the line for me... My Psychologist and I have agreed that my mental health has been in decline this past week or two... But I think tonight it just had a massive dive down... I don't know how to pick the pieces up to where I was a few weeks ago... The thoughts and urges are unbearable that I am overwhelmed by it... I just want the feeling to end but how? All I can think of is to just cave in and just let it be... What happens, happens... No one cares and no one truly wants to help so why fight? There's no hope for me and that this is what needs to happen as it's my destiny... This is the last stop for me....

Hi there @Misunderstood88

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and worries here. 💛

It sounds like you are having a rough time right now.

I want to remind you that you are not alone and I want to hold space and send hugs to you.

I have been there so many times..when things feel like it's just not worth it anymore. Sometimes it helps me to talk these feelings through or sleep these feelings away. I wonder if there are ways you can take care of yourself whilst you navigate through this?

You are so cared for and help is always here.

We want to send you an email - so please keep an eye out.

Can you let us know what safety might look like for you tonight?

Sending lots of gentle and fluffy light your way,

fluffy light x

I will try to be safe tonight but it's going to be tough specially when I don't see any hope fore right now... It seems like I've reached the last station and that what lies on the other side is what i want this whole time and that's to be free from these chains Ive been carrying for years... If this is not then so be it. I've done all I could to turn it around but over and over again I end up in this situation... So I'm tired of trying and tired of fighting...

Hey @Misunderstood88 I have been absent for a while dealing with some issues but wanted to let you know that I am still here supporting you and walking beside you. It is easy for any of us to say 'hold on' or 'you will get through this' but having been in that position myself many times I know how hollow those comments can seem. What I can tell you is that with the support you have around you - especially here - we are all walking with you, listening and holding your hand when you need it. Life can be incredibly tough and isolating when you feel like you do now but lean on us as much as you need, vent, talk, don't talk ....whatever you need. I certainly cannot say it will get better quickly but what I have learnt is that with the support from the amazing people here on the forums and at SANE more widely, I have survived and gotten through the very worst of times. It has taken a very large community of peers here to help me do that and I hope we can be that for you now. ❤️❤️❤️