Battling between my head v my physical self

Remember, if it feels all too unfair that these 'ghosts' are getting the best of you.

Remember that you shape them. You can do whatever you want to them.

And remember the 'dragging out' of shaping them. The dissemination that everyone on this planet has to spend a lot of their brain power doing, to these things against our head.

*hug*

I am glad you have found a little peace in our interaction tonight @Misunderstood88 I do need to head to bed now but will check in with you tomorrow. I hope you can get some extra fur baby cuddles tonight and some sleep. So lovely to have you part of the community 😁

@Zoe7 yea a good convo has distracted me from my head...

Although I came out okay overnight, my brain is now on hyperdrive! It doesn't want to shut down on its own,,, hence me not having slept yet... For me to shut down, I need to take some medication but that's when the tricky part lies, how much is enough and will I be able to stop myself from taking more than I should... What do I do??

Morning @Misunderstood88 👋

I used to have similar thoughts and issues. For a long time my medication was kept at my local chemist and I picked it up every few days. I also used to put away my meds somewhere not easily and readily accessible so when I was in that space it was a real effort to get to them. I know this is not the answer but it did help me often pass that danger zone.

What are some really nice things you enjoy and could do today to spoil yourself? Self-care is so important when the world seems to be turning upside down.

@Zoe7 I have a support worker coming today at 10am and I’ve put a plan yesterday with my NDIS Support coordinator about making sure that I go to the chemist and get my medications in a tab timer which just dispenses meds in certain time and the right dose… atm it’s in it already but the tab timer is unlocked so I can still get into it… I’ve placed the key up high where it’ll be an effort to get it out… but knowing myself if I hav the will I will find a way to do it which I’m trying to battle right now… I don’t know if a trip to the hospital that will help me (not my local one.. coz they’re not going to take me seriously and will treat me unfairly) is what I need to do to talk to someone and be safe for the time being… it’s been a long while since I’ve been in hospital and I don’t take going to hospital lightly… what do you think? The suicidal urge and thoughts are very persistent and strong that I don’t know if I can control myself… what do I do?

Hearing you @Misunderstood88 💖 I cannot tell you what to do but can sit and chat whilst you make a decision either way. If you need hospital then so be it - I have certainly enjoyed our chats and getting to know you a little better so (selfishly) would love that to continue ...but your safety is priority number 1. Those thoughts and urges can become all consuming so if that becomes the case then please reach out for that help. You deserve to be cared for and helped ...and whilst I am more than happy to be here for you, if you need more support then absolutely call 000 or go to hospital yourself.

@Zoe7 Thanks… you don’t know how reassuring those words are right now… I may have to talk to lifeline if I have to answer where to go from there…

my adopted fur baby is running around like a lunatic… she seemed to not know what she wanna do, whether to play or cuddle… I guess I should probably feed her as she’s also a little piggy when it comes to food… she doesn’t seem to feel full very after meal or it seems like she’s always hungry for food… she’s sometimes annoyingly annoy you for your food when she has hers…. She’ll come to me for food before she finishes her own… ( we feed her the same time as we’re having our food so that she doesn’t bother us, but even then she still comes to us first before finishing her own)…

I used to have a cat like that but my present fur babies are pretty good at waiting. Toby will sit at his bowl if I am late but always wants cuddles first when I get home before food. Squishy face just goes with the flow - she is a very chilled out Puddy Tat.

I am glad you are up to calling Lifeline if you need @Misunderstood88 That in itself shows your strength. Reaching out when we are at our lowest is brave 💖

Your support worker will be there soon (I am presuming you are on the east coast). Other tan the chemist, what else do you have planned for today?

Hi @Misunderstood88 Just checking in to see how your day has been. Did the visit wit your support worker help?

@Zoe7 I went to the ED of the hospital that treats me well last Saturday, the support worker took me there and sat with me all throughout... I am not doing fine right now... My paranoia is at its peak, I don't know who's genuine and who's not... I think of ending My own life more than usual... I tried to distract me all day but now I'm home it has just started to creep in again... My medications are now locked so don't have access to it unless it's time to do so... Which now frustrates me which then turns me to the suicide plan coming into action... These things seems to be leaving me no choice but to give in... Don't know what to do aside from forcing myself to sleep and for me to achieve that is to take X amount of meds which I can just freely do now that it's locked away... I can only take the prescribed dose which to me is not enough to knock me out... So I'm lost...