Broken very broken

Am not sure I will be sleeping tonight, I guess I just got nothing to offer the world.

my decency, honour, depth, compassion, loyalty, and want for love over f***ing, have cost me any type of life, I lack friends until they want/need something, I have known almost nothing of love, yet I can't hate, I can't get angry, can't be an asshole, can't be what people want and are drawn to. So I take on pain of others as well as my own internal pain and I suffer through it alone as always because nobody gives a shit. Quite frankly I am tired of being strong, I am tired of "getting over it" I am tired of all that crap, let it go, forgive, etc how can you forgive when you can't forget you close your eyes if for a moment and there it all is racing across your eyes and thoughts in perfect clarity. You can't accept if you can't release, and you can't release if there's no one to trust, so the corrosive endlessly decimates your insides, yet you don't show your pain you hold your back straight you keep your head up, you smile at people no matter what you see in their eyes.

you suffer the pain because you will do no harm to anyone, you put your heart in and see it put through a shredder, you trust and feel the kriss through your back.

Ok get some sleep utopia and relax and hope you feel better

There is good there is bad there is wrong there is right, sadly some of us are not meant for this world it is the decline of the species we appear to be rushing towards self destruction or reboot, I wonder how many generations before incorruptible tribal watchmen (gender neutral) are again of worth,

Somebody please stop these images attacking my vision, the bees and banshees in my head.

The other day while walking I thought about what it would take to give a basic impression of what goes on inside my head it was remarkably complex and that didn't even get to complete standard day, when it increases like currently where I double over because of the pain I try to escape, I turn the music up louder I avoid looking at anyone I am currently sitting out the back with music going, last night on my walk I was even seeing the value of treppaning.

Treppaning a form of surgery that's been around for thousands of years a hole is drilled to relieve pressure on the brain. Drawing/painting no I don't think I could the amount of detail that requires motion would be impossible, in a Different style perhaps could show outside feeling maybe but I'm not sure. Have had a hard time drawing at all

Hi @Redraw

"Bees and banshees"

.. pretty evocative to me ...

I know feelings like that. I dont sing a lot to brag ... I bloody well sing to exorcise those bees, banshees and what else lives in me... to give me space.

Hope you can cope with me saying sometimes I agree with @utopia when she sez .. U R worth it.

Hi to you @Appleblossom.

now I am all good with you agreeing with @utopia a nice thing, where the complications arise is in the detachment, you can say that but can you know, I could be a bad person ......... hmmmmm no I couldn't but in theory I could, because we can never know each other we rely on the words we write to provide a hypothesis about the other person, though they could also be automated messages.

As for bees and banshees, banshees quite simple in the endless fatal scream tearing through my ears numbed by music, the bees is it feels as if a swarm of bees buzzing round in my head stinging my brain can even feel the hairs figuratively speaking, I don't actually thing there are bees in my head