Broken very broken

Hello @Redraw and @utopia

I have been off doing my music in the market and really noticed the birds from the train. I am sure the birdlife in my part of the city has increased with wetlands and planting. Or maybe my mind is finally still enough to be able to "see" them and let them in? Yes even Cockies in the western suburbs!

I thought I would respond to some earlier posts, as this thread does bring out feelings in me.

@Redraw I have known a fair amount of alone time. I have also had the deep sense. of aloneness that occurs when the people in my life do not understand me which can be even more painful. I have also worked to at least express myself and have the courage to put myself out there, trying to make sense of my world and my experiences. You have that courage too. For a long time I was more of a watcher but that has changed.

I also have known a lot of hurt and damaged humans, but saw enough to realise that the hurts were part of a story and not just "sickness". My experiences have taught me not to be too judgemental. Whether it is convenient for me or foolish or misguided. It is just the way I am cut or formed. I get burned by it but am getting used to the fact that it is the way I am and at least am at peace with that and trying not to let disappointments get to me the way they did when I was younger.

I am only interested in fullness and richness of human life and you do seem to have some of that, in the quality of your expression on the forum. I have found it difficult to let go of my anger, that is a load I carry. that is different to you, and my only options seem to try and transmute it .. to make it less damaging to me and others and try and make it serve a wider social goal.

I have to go need to drive son across town.

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I'm coastal plenty of birds and other wildlife down here, plovers like magpies are more a pain than anything else there is a massive rabbit issue though.

music really comes brown to how you feel at the time, 90's was very disenchanted, 80's happy and cheery, 70's need to do cherry picking there lots of terrible stuff but some ok, 60's rebellious protest. Then need to really search in the newer stuff can't do techno, might be a couple of rap songs I like but mostly I find they are perpetuating stereotypes, inciting racist views, and maintaining derogatory terms that likely would of long ago died out. Tends to be to manufactured pop these days gotta search the fringe for good stuff.

i tend to steer clear of such books not because I feel they are bad or have no place, but I find whenever the focus is directed towards a race no matter what the race maybe it tends to breed a feeling of entitlement and superiourority in that group which to me is just stupid and arrogant and of course racist. People need to stop self segregating and accept we are one race that's it. I am reminded of an ad I saw yesterday for a show that was on called 'date my race' now the whole concept in that is a joke it has to be because they are saying these "chosen" "white" people are somehow being racist or whatever for preferring to date "white" people, now last I checked people are allowed to be attracted to who they are attracted to, for me race doesn't even raise a thought, but you can't tell people who they can be attracted to, especially when you are sitting there showing that you have a preference for "white" people being that that is the premise, (white is in quotes because I find that like the word pagan it's a generalisation that is not apt and is in itself racist as you are throwing together many different people from many different countries some of which have suffered thousands of years of oppression and degradation at the hands of other so called "whites")

Hi @Redraw back again.

I tend to agree on race issues. The sorry situation with Israel and Palestine is one example, and the issues around the Treaty of Versaille in the 2 European major wars last century, another ... yo yo pendulum effects in levels of in justice and entitlement.

I had one lady bluntly say to me "I am brown. You are white." I was shocked but she wanted to make a point of it, and had come from a better background than me anyway .. so I learn to manage and juggle my ideals, along with the social realities around me. Not so much that I am cynical but enough to be "grounded". I think of race as a category like some families are arty or sporty or merchant minded ...

I had intended to respond to your mention of trepanning. I am one person who researched it and felt a deep empathy for the sufferers in the past .. as I kept thinking .. it might help me .. as a level of how phsically I experience the sensation of pressure in my brain... and also related to but probably not preceding, my head . b anging. Now I accept constant "mild" discomfort which I manage with singing. I can remember roaring with the orchestra at full bore in strident sections, probably more a scream than good tone production. Only a couple of times. I mostly try and discharge pressure, my life set up is such that the years where the pressures put on me by others is much reduced.

So we still need to find some sense of dignity in daily life.

I watched a doco on David Bowie and youtubes on Patti Smith recently.. brought back memories.

Musical tastes and history .. a big subject in our house.

Last night I was peased to realise that the choir I usually call my right wing choir (compared to the others .. because it is successful!). was actually quite left .. as I met a founder of a green group and the conductor was wickedly satirising Trump from the podium .. to great glee and applause. So I adjust my preconceptions and was glad I was not too vocal or critical .. It is nice to be surprised.

Now looking Robert Mapplethorpe but not that inclined to totally agree with Patti, but she was better than Patty Duke....

Cicadas .. sometimes I like them and yet they can also drive me quite mad.

The nomadic styles of people's all over the world are quite interesting very tribal where my heightened senses would be quite valuable where things come to confusion is when people act like they are owed something, as for your issue @Appleblossom of this person using their skin tone as some kind of point I like to think they can easily be put on their butt with just basic history now I cannot deny being white as I am one step off being albino my skin freckles does not tan but does that mean I have never suffered for my skin colour does it mean I have not been targeted by police no, does it mean my ancestors did not suffer greatly at the hands of oppressive regimes. To them I say "yeah you got a tan get over it".

magpies pain because they get really narky like plovers during breeding season, cape Barron geese can be a pain to when they stand in the middle of the road and stare at you, Hard to describe where I am really southern coast hmmm maybe Phillip island there is pests and animals that just give me the irrits especially when your walking and they go kamikaze at you.

@Appleblossom We used to discuss a lot about music eras when I lived with my folks, Things like the 27 club and such were very interesting, the who advocating and destigmatising disability, the Beatles misinterpretations, cream ...........ahhhhh let's be honest Eric Clapton's unwavering skill, the downhill slide that was the 70's and it goes on.

trepanning is interesting, I found it interesting when it was bought up on Qi and it was safer to get it done outside of western hospitals when it was at its peak that it was safer in the jungles of South America and Asia. As for getting it done I'm not sure it would help a lot and whenever a breeze hits that whistle would drive you spare.

That's the basis behind the sentinel title I use, the lack of need/want for it nowadays as we as a species have used our high intellect to not only destroy but to seperate ourselves from everyone else to isolate, in a tribal situation a person with heightened senses, no greed and loyalty would be highly regarded but in this world that person has something wrong with them, I don't look back though I look forward "viva la zombie apocalypse" well sometimes or an emp event and such things, although perhaps my age would discount that these days not sure.

On the you have to be careful thing that reminds me of an old twilight zone called 'a stop at willoughby' that is pretty much exactly that though not as far back as tribal interesting