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Something’s not right

Broken very broken

RedrawSenior Contributor

Broken very broken

I can see the darkness within and without, the sepia tone weeping through the ever bleakening reality, would that my mind would or could create the world I wish could be real even if that meant being locked in a room for the rest of my days, like it would make a heck of a lot of difference in my life I am already seen as a loser and I don't know like I have some sort of retardation and who knows what else. My chest an open wound my heart crushed against my rib cage weeping through the very structure designed to protect it, my bones compressing under the weight of all the pain, I whats the point

146 replies

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In response to: Broken very broken

marchhareSenior Contributor

Re: Broken very broken

I can hear you Redraw as can others but remember you have many friends here on the forum for support. Take care

In response to: Broken very broken

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: Broken very broken

@Redraw. You still struggling to sleep?

In response to: Re: Broken very broken

RedrawSenior Contributor

Re: Broken very broken

Yeah pretty much, lying here looking at the ceiling for the most part, listening to crickets

In response to: Broken very broken

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: Broken very broken

@Redraw. Sorry, I fell asleep.
I like the sound of crickets. Circadas on the other hand - far too noisy

In response to: Re: Broken very broken

RedrawSenior Contributor

Re: Broken very broken

I had a few short naps full of things so vivid reactions and elements transferred into the waking world. Cicadas I think just don't have the melodic feel and it's to constant and can be an assault on the ears

In response to: Broken very broken

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: Broken very broken

@Redraw I'm sitting in my backyard and I can hear the Magpies song. My favorite. This morning the crows were calling to each other out the front. I can hear other smaller birds singing. Nature often makes the best music.

In response to: Re: Broken very broken

RedrawSenior Contributor

Re: Broken very broken

It can be nice I am sitting in my backyard I have music playing nature is good I can still here kookaburras, rosellas, and hmmm not exactly sure what that one is, but I need the music to disrupt the constant internal conversations. Still can't believe I sleep for half an hour and get bashed in there I snapped awake guarding my face and searching through the dark for the person who I don't know yet could describe down to the colour of their eyes..........that's messed up.

In response to: Broken very broken

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: Broken very broken

@Redraw. Unfortunately that's common with a number of people on this forum. Those nightmares can be far too vivid & I think that'swhat mmakes them worse - being so vivid.
Is there any medication or therapy that could at least bring you relief while you sleep?
I often have music playing while I'm outside. I keep the back door open. I listen to a few favorite cd's. The Eagles, Bob Seigar, Russell Morris.
And, no surprises here, I love hearing the Cocky's. My favorite bird. My brothers, I call them.

In response to: Re: Broken very broken

RedrawSenior Contributor

Re: Broken very broken

No lack of cocky's down here silver crested all over the place on my evening walk I sometimes catch the big black cockatoos out and about, plovers can be a pain though.

I got some music from some of them but I tend to go with a lot of 90's stuff at the moment, and some more modern, unwritten law, soul asylum, better than Ezra, pearl jam that kind of stuff, I can go back all along the lines to the 60's and then sometimes I listen to Jeff Wayne's war of the worlds.

things to help me sleep I doubt it I very occasionally take half a (medication not permitted to be written) but yeah that's about it. And it just calms my nerves a little

In response to: Broken very broken

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: Broken very broken

@Redraw how lucky you are to see the Black Cockatoos. We have a few in the mountains - but I live on the flats - so I rarely see them. Lucky for me, I belong to the Sulfer Crested family. They feel like my family, anyway, and I feel comfortable when I can hear them close by. The worst bird here in the Indian Minor. So destructive to other birds.
It's amazing how we all enjoy different styles of music & how we feel about that style. My son is a teenager, so he loves most modern music, especially rap. But then he loves playing classical & jazzy/blues on the piano and saxophone. I'm glad he enjiys a wide variety of music.
I'm reading a great book at the moment, called First Footprints - The Epic Story of the First Australians. It's based on the ABC tv series that was produced a few years ago.
It's an absolutely fascinating read & I'm still only up to the part of their early migration.
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