Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.

@Former-Member. I'm not saying another word to him about it. Obviously no point. I'm okay, sort of. There has been further shocks to add to this. I may eventually tell him a bit more. If he had something like this with his sons I would've tried to say something supportive, rather than basically say, sorry, but it had to happen. He has always maintained he has a thick hide, even if I said something he didn't like, I think he'd ignore.

@pip. I think it would be good to write to him and express how you feel about him not asking about - how you are coping - and how your daughter is doing.
The reality is that he may have spent all day talking with addicts - that didn't want to hear what he was saying. Or he might have just been dealing with a suicidal client. You just don't know.
But it is ok to express your feelings to him. And I think it is safe to express your feelings with him.

@utopia. I'm not sure how I feel at the moment. He has been 'off the air' for the last few days due to technical problems, so he hasn't been 'guiding' anyone. I knew he was frustrated by this, but the off hand way he spoke tends to speak volumes. I also 'get' he was annoyed by my daughter's nonsense in trying to 'match make'. However, none of that excuses his attitude of she's 'crashed it was bound to happen eventually'. He really hurt me with his comment about my daughter. I sort of thought I meant something. I'm also sick of asking him. Telling me he loves me, admitting we are in a relationship is starting to wear thin. If he means it, he needs to prove it. I'm not really in the right frame of mind emotionally to talk to him.

@pip. Fair enough. If you're not in the right frame of mind - then better to delay your conversation.
The comment 'she crashed, it was bound to happen' - is a true statement. She was going to crash at some point. Even with him saying that - you also needed to hear him say - 'thank god she's in a safe place now" or "I'm glad she's ok and will now get some help & how are you feeling? I'm sending you my love" - or "I'm thinking of you". But he didn't.
He might not be aware that that was what you needed. He may just have thought - stating the facts was enough.
But it's not for you. You need more from him. And that's ok. But he has to be told - so he is given the chance to learn and not make the same mistake again.
I'm looking at it from my perspective - where I am responding to an old friend & when he disclosed some of his childhood history to me last night - all I can do is think - "did he understand what I meant. I hope he doesn't interpret something I've said the wrong way. Could there have been a better way to say it". As it is hard when communication is only done through social media.
I bet G hasn't even realised that he has hurt you. And from what you have told me about him - he doesn't sound like the type of man who would purposely hurt you.
Give it a day & then maybe write to him then of your feelings.
In the meantime - you need to focus on yourself and gaining strength to deal with what comes up tomorrow.
Is your daughter going to be discharged tomorrow or will she at least be there over thewweekend? You might want to talk with you sil - & see if he is willing to have her return home with him & if that will be a safe environment for her.
Sending you love and hugs ♥♥

@utopia. I think G could be pretty annoyed (understandably) that daughter's so-called friend was in cahoots with her in trying to come between us. He did say he was in no way interested (which I already knew). I know he would never deliberately say or do anything to hurt me, it's just that I didn't need to hear the comment he did make. G apparently has told my son he is prepared to help my daughter, so I am thankful for that. I think, at this stage, my daughter will be in hospital at least over the weekend. The police have spoken to her at least once that I know of, they will probably return to try to ascertain where the drugs came from, who supplied them etc. Her hubby apparently wants to bring her home, whether she will go with him is debatable. She would be safe enough with him, (he just wants to care for her), but we are concerned because this other person knows where they live and could return with some of her so-called mates. I was considering bringing her home to me, but - again, this person knows where I live. I'm not working tomorrow, I've rung and told work I can't come in. The only other alternative is my son, he has said okay, but whether she will agree. They're not exactly seeing eye to eye at the moment. We (my sil, son and his wife) are getting together tonight to discuss our options. We are concerned for daughters safety, so need to discuss what's best for her. Her job is open for her. I told them she had had a bad reaction to anti-biotic's given by the Dr for a 'bug'. They did not question. I will try to tell G how I felt at a later date when I feel better. At the moment my first concern is daughter. I have not seen her today, I had to see my Dr for some relaxation meds so I have slept a bit today. My DIL took me this morning after I phoned daughter's work and they told me some other stuff in connection with this. I was unable to drive, my nerves made me feel rather shaky, so I contacted DIL. Son came home to be there with me while DIL visited daughter. Thanks so much for all your support on this. it means a lot.

@pip. It sounds like an extremely busy and emotional day today. I'm glad you managed a sleep. As you need to look after your own health first - so you are strong enough to help your girl.
So good to hear your sil son and dil are all trying to think of what is best for your daughter.
Keep taking 5 minute breaks throughout the day and tonight - to just breathe and not think about your daughter. Hard at the moment I know. But those 5 minutes will give you the energy you need to get through this.
Even though your daughter is an adult - ask that the hospital call you or your son with regards to her discharge & future referrals - so again - you can plan as a family.
Try and remember she is safe now.
Lots of hugs

@utopia. We are going to see daughter tomorrow. Hopefully we will be able to discuss with the Dr about taking her home or somewhere safe. My DIL spent quite a bit of time with her today. My daughter is emotionally all over the place. She desperately wants to email my bf to ask forgiveness. DIL told her not to concern herself with that, but she is extremely agitated. Atm I'm not sure he is my bf. I'm not sure where we stand or whether he will acknowledge me. DIL changed the subject and advised my daughter she has to care for herself. She also told my daughter that my bf can wait. I know if my daughter emails G he won't be nasty (hopefully). But he indicated because he never gets 'thanks' for his work on his forums, he doesn't expect it, hence the 'thick hide'. This did nothing to fill me with confidence. My DIL told the Dr at the hospital to inform us of any change emotionally with my daughter. Because of the circumstances of her admittance, they did promise to watch her carefully. Evidently she is now on 'suicide' watch, standard procedure. She is not suicidal, but because of their policy, she is on 'watch'. Atm, too, she is safer where she is. If this woman tries to contact or see her, the hospital will contact the police. They (hospital) have a description of her. My sil went to their house last night, it was a bit of a mess, but nothing appears to be have been taken. We don't know when this woman left the house as my daughter said she was alone when she woke yesterday.

Your dil has done a great job today @pip. And it's good the hospital staff are watching your girl. She is safe. When you see the doctors tomorrow - ask them what their plan is? Will they try and get her a rehab bed in a month long program (or longer)? Will she on discharge, be linked with a mental health team & drug and alcohol worker? This is a dual diagnosis nurse who will work with your daughter on both alcohol/drugs and her mental health.
Don't let the doctors fob you off. You want plans in place way before she leaves hospital.
I don't know if it's morally right - but maybe use your influence and her guilt - to get her straight from hospital into another program. No time to change her mind or meet with so called 'friends'.
Sending you my support

@utopia. Just home from sons. We talked about the options available. Sil agreed on trying to get her admitted to a rehab clinic to see if we can get her treated for substance abuse. He may be able to have her admitted as an involuntary patient by explaining atm she is not capable of deciding anything. If possible, we are also going to see if this could be done as a form of release. Rather than allow her to come straight home. We phoned the hospital tonight, she's okay, sleeping. She hasn't eaten much but they're talking about a saline drip if necessary. They tried today to get her to eat, but she vomited. We're going to see her and the Dr tomorrow to discuss transferring her to a rehab facility. G did say he would try to counsel her, but, I think he could be a bit too harsh. She needs love, guidance, and nurturing not telling off and judgement. I think he possibly might be too hard for her yet. When I was on the forums he champions on, some of his advice was quite hard. He means well but there are times when 'tough love' is too hard to handle. If he was to say to her something like, you need to realize you made some wrong choices and hurt people you love. This would not be right yet. Stating the obvious does not always help. Judgement and condemnation she needs like a migraine. She is aware she did wrong and she hurt us, that's obvious by her reaction to seeing us. There's a lot of underlying, unresolved issues surrounding her fathers suicide, which she's never talked about. There's also my alcohol addiction, my suicide attempt, my marriage breakdown. These are things we need to discuss. It's possible she blames herself for my mistakes. She shouldn't, but because we've never discussed anything, it's possible these things are weighing on her as her fault somehow. G knows most of it, but I don't think even he realizes her emotional state. My son told me he'd told G I was upset by an email I'd received from him. Whether G acknowledges this remains to be seen. If he ignores this, I may email him and mention he's hurt me and how. I'll have to have a think about it. My daughter is uppermost in my thoughts atm.

@pip. That's it. Focus on yourself and your daughter for the next few days. Make sure you are both being looked after. Make sure you eat and drink well and take your 5 minutes.
Try and nit think and worry about G. I know that may be hard. But he's not your top priority at the moment. That can be sorted out another day.
Are you able to get into bed and try and sleep now? You must be exhausted.
Sending you my love.