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Hi guys. Need a bit of guidance. My 48 y.o daughter has recently started drinking heavily. I am in recovery from alcoholism. I do have a bf, he lives interstate, daughter has never met him, but used to email him for guidance when I was sick. I suffered severe depression following a suicide attempt that nearly claimed me. My daughter has become friendly with a female she works with who is older than her. She has recently started emailing my bf trying to force this female on him. He has been ignoring her, trying to be pleasant. Daughter and friend arrived at my home yesterday, drunk. They both took extreme pleasure in informing me that friend of daughters is planning to get together with my bf after Christmas. I realize she is lying, but that doesn't help. Daughter is going to N.Z for Christmas, originally she was going with her hubby, he has left her, so this new friend is taking his place. Bf is aware of all this, I think he realizes how this has hurt me. He keeps advising me to ignore, but it's hard to ignore when it's your kid. My son also now knows, initially I wasn't going to say anything to him. After yesterday, I had no choice. My son basically advised to ignore, DIL said similar. I am trying to, but this hurts as my daughter is lashing out to hurt me as I hurt her when I was drinking. I have no doubts of my bf's sincereity, but what to do, how to deal with this. I suggested to my son that perhaps if my bf told her exactly where we stand as a couple, son reckons that could add fuel. Son seems to think, no matter what bf or anyone says she will turn it round and it will backlash on me. Thier father is dead, he died when daughter was 6, son was 2. Bf is aware there is no father. My ex would be useless. None of my kids liked him, so they wouldnt talk to him. He would also no doubt label my daughter, this she doesn't need. I know she needs help, but like most peopel who suffer depression/alcoholism or any other MI, till she asks for help, she won't accept she needs it. Help
In response to: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
@pip. Tomorrow or another day he will laugh about it. Maybe not today though. It's great you both have a similar sense of humour. That's always good in a relationship. But I hear him. I get so *bleeping* annoyed with technology. Lol.
In response to: Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
@utopia. I get brassed off with computers too. I frequently threaten to replace mine with 'next years' model. Unfortunately, computers, though they do posses strange qualities, do not posses ears, so abusing them does nothing. NBN and phones don't actually hear us either, so complaints are seldom acknowledged. Sometimes 'snail mail' doesn't seem so bad, remember 'snail mail', by the time you got the news it was, literally last weeks/last years news. G is one of the few people I know who seldom really loses it. He gets 'short', yes, but seldom really angry. I once asked him if he was angry over something I said, he replied why would I be angry. Sometimes his emails indicate he's angry, when I told him, he realized sometimes the written word can come across a bit techy. He's always ready to accept and admit he can appear to be angry. Not many people posses that quality, I know I don't. I seldom get really angry, frustrated, yes, angry not a lot. No point.
In response to: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
@pip. It is one issue I am finding hard - as my old friend and I chat on line. The written word does not always convey what you really mean. Jokes don't always come across as funny. And often I wish I'd said something extra - before we say good night. Having body language, facial features and tone of voice can convey so much more than the written word. So too can silence when listening to someone.
In response to: Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
@utopia. I've had some terrible news. My daughter was taken to hospital today. She collapsed at work. She had drugs plus alcohol in her system. She's only 48 she's too young to die. I'm so scared, just emailed G to tell him. She was unconscious on admittance, but has since woken up. I've been to see her, her brother and sister-in-law, plus her hubby were there too. He is still there. This female she got friendly with is nowhere to be seen. She collapsed at work just after 12. She woke when we walked in, but turned her head away. I'm torn between wanting to hug her, beat the crap out of her, scream, rant etc. We are going up tonight. We spoke to the Dr who said she will need ongoing care and counselling. I feel as though I've failed her, DIL said no, this is her failure, that doesn't help. She's my daughter, I should've known something like this would happen. If I get my hands on this creature, God help her. My son said he wished he knew where she was. My daughter looked so pathetic and small. She's still my baby, my first born. I can't lose her.
In response to: Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
NikNikSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
Hi @pip I'm so sorry to hear the news of your daughter. I was relieved to read that she is safe.
It must be such a confusing and overwhelming situation to be in.
You're a wonderful mum being there for her. I hope you get to spend some quality time with her tonight and she continues to improve.
Take care of yourself too (hard to do in times like this - I know!)
We are here if you need us.
In response to: Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
Hearing you @pip Cant say more. It cuts me. Take care.
In response to: Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
@nik. Just home from the hospital. worn out emotionally and physically. Couldn't get much out of my daughter, she was extremely tired and agitated. She did cry she grabbed me, begged forgiveness. Of course I forgive her, nothing to forgive. We asked her where the person was who gave her the drugs. She was reluctant to tell but we told her that she is not in trouble, this other person is. She will be in hospital till Friday, at least. After that, we will see what the Dr's say. Her hubby was shattered. He tried to ask her why, but we vetoed his questions, for now. Time enough to question when she's stronger. We did tell her she has to tell the police because of the drugs. She's scared because she's never had to talk to the police ever. I told her she is not in trouble, I told her I'd be there if she needs me when she talks to the police. She kept telling me how sorry she was for all the trouble. She asked me a few times if my bf was still with me, I said there was no problems there. He won't walk away. she begged me to ask his forgiveness, there is no need to beg, G will automatically forgive. He is the sweetest, kindest, most caring person I have ever known. I know he will be more concerned about her getting the help she needs and getting better. I have emailed him, but won't hear anything till he gets the email. His email system has been playing up, so when he's back 'on air' I will hear. When I emailed him about this, I did tell him I wished he was here. He will be devastated.
In response to: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
Oh @pip I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. I was off line last night. At least your daughter is in safe hands now til Friday. And she will be able to get some rest and start cleaning out her system of drugs and alcohol. The hospital should put a few referrals in place before she leaves hospital. She may even get into a detox program for alcoholism. You must have been terrified to get the call and then see your daughter in such danger and distress. Whatever is going on in your daughters life - simply be there to support her. Let her know she is loved and how scared you were seeing her so sick. Please take care of yourself. You need lots of strength now. G will contact you as soon as he gets the news. Sending you a big hug, love and support.
In response to: Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
@utopia. Little or no support whatsoever from G. His remark, she has been on a bender for sometime, something was bound to happen. Nothing about me or how I was coping. I suppose it was too much to expect that a man would know how a mother feels. I did expect more, but nothing. I'm not saying anymore, no point. He was over the moon about the news from the cancer clinic, but as far as my daughter was concerned, he said very little. He did say no need to apologize but it would've been nice if he had at least asked how I was. I really thought he cared at least about me. I guess he is annoyed because of how much she hurt me, but to not even ask how I was, that hurts. Maybe I've been wrong all along about him and his feelings.
In response to: Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
Unknown userMember
Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.
Hi @pip, sorry to hear you got a reaction you weren't expecting and weren't asked asked about how you were feeling and about your daughter, I can only imagine how hurt you must feel. Have you been able to talk about that with him at all?
Also, sorry to hear about your daughter, you must be so worried and concerned about her, I am so glad she is being taken care of in hospital ❤️
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