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Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.

pipSenior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 7:46 am AEDT

Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.

Hi guys. Need a bit of guidance. My 48 y.o daughter has recently started drinking heavily. I am in recovery from alcoholism. I do have a bf, he lives interstate, daughter has never met him, but used to email him for guidance when I was sick. I suffered severe depression following a suicide attempt that nearly claimed me. My daughter has become friendly with a female she works with who is older than her. She has recently started emailing my bf trying to force this female on him. He has been ignoring her, trying to be pleasant. Daughter and friend arrived at my home yesterday, drunk. They both took extreme pleasure in informing me that friend of daughters is planning to get together with my bf after Christmas. I realize she is lying, but that doesn't help. Daughter is going to N.Z for Christmas, originally she was going with her hubby, he has left her, so this new friend is taking his place. Bf is aware of all this, I think he realizes how this has hurt me. He keeps advising me to ignore, but it's hard to ignore when it's your kid. My son also now knows, initially I wasn't going to say anything to him. After yesterday, I had no choice. My son basically advised to ignore, DIL said similar. I am trying to, but this hurts as my daughter is lashing out to hurt me as I hurt her when I was drinking. I have no doubts of my bf's sincereity, but what to do, how to deal with this. I suggested to my son that perhaps if my bf told her exactly where we stand as a couple, son reckons that could add fuel. Son seems to think, no matter what bf or anyone says she will turn it round and it will backlash on me. Thier father is dead, he died when daughter was 6, son was 2. Bf is aware there is no father. My ex would be useless. None of my kids liked him, so they wouldnt talk to him. He would also no doubt label my daughter, this she doesn't need. I know she needs help, but like most peopel who suffer depression/alcoholism or any other MI, till she asks for help, she won't accept she needs it. Help

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In response to: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.

pipSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 4:45 pm AEDT

Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.

@utopia. Don't throw your hands up, G is back, with a vengeance. He contacted both my kids to find out where he'd erred. My son said he didn't have a clue what was going on, he didn't, I hadn't told him. My daughter said he would have to make the first move as my lack of confidence meant I would not be contacting him first. I would not have contacted him again. Evidently my son told him he thought there was a misunderstanding brought about by G's mistaken belief I was about to come running. I got a very heavy worded email saying under no circumstances did he want to end our relationship. He said he loved me, hadn't stopped. He also said he was prepared to work with me and the kids, he wants me in his life - permanently. My son told him straight if he did decide to re-unite, he would have to just about make an appointment as I wouldn't just drop everything and run to him. He actually begged me to keep in touch. I saw my daughter, we had our first counseling session today, I'm pretty drained, but it ended on a good note. My daughter hugged me and told me she loved me. I said the same and told her my love was unconditional. I will return for a further session in a couple of days. Tomorrow my daughter sees her counselor alone to discuss the drug and alcohol issue. Because I'm 'dry' and have been for several months, this is her ball game tomorrow. I told her to ring me if necessary. It looks as though I have my bf back. I hadn't actually lost him. If you can ever understand men and how they work, write a book please, I'll buy the first 100 copies. lol. All I know is, they can be 'weird'.

In response to: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.

utopiaSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 6:42 pm AEDT

Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.

@pip. They are no weirder than us women. It's just really important - especially when we have trauma and previous relationship issues - that our communication is always 100%.
I'm learning from you and G. When my time comes, hopefully I'll follow my own advice.
Well done for attending the counseling session with your daughter. That can't have been easy. But it sounds like your relationship with her - can only keep improving - as it has already started.
Your son and daughter have your back - especially with regards to G. You have two pretty special kids.
Pamper yourself tonighr. Bubble bath. Nail Polish. Chocolate. And then see if you can get a good nights sleep.
Brilliant news all round.

In response to: Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.

pipSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 6:52 pm AEDT

Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.

@utopia. Bubble bath not possible, instead chocolate ice cream followed by hot chocolate, followed by early bed. My kids have really come through for me this time. If anything this business with G has taught me honesty is the best policy. He apparently told my daughter that because we live in different states, there is absolutely no reason why we still can't 'connect' on a close personal relationship. I have told him repeatedly that I would never live with him, neither of us wants to live with each other. My son evidently told him if we were to re-unite it would only be for a day as I have a pretty full happy life. Whether we will remains to be seen. I hadn't stopped loving him, but my need is not 'clingy', it's whatever happens type. If we can get together, so be it. He does have friends here in Qld, if he ever decides to visit them, I'm sure I will see him for about a day. I couldn't stand longer, I tend to get bored with too much small talk. I'm not over affectionate with kissing, cuddling either. As for sex - forget it, not interested.

In response to: Re: Not sure, came under heading of Dambuster.

AppleblossomSenior Contributor30 Dec 2016, 1:00 am AEDT