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Hey @Shaz51

I'm struggling a bit tonight with pain. waiting for results tomorrow from GP.

How are you today? And your hubby?

Ohhhh @BlueBay

that`s not good that you are struggling a bit tonight with pain, sending you tender healing hugs

Hubby was soo exhausted and tired by lunchtime , he went to bed and slept for 4 hours xx

@Decadian@pip@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@BlueBells

thanks guys for your comments.

I am not sure about anything anymore. I called my pscyh again today because he never called me (surprise surprise). I told him i would like to go back to hospital and there was dead silence. he then says i will ring them and put you on the list but just so you know there is a long waiting list. What's the f.... point, I say!!!!! Why do i bother. There was why, what's wrong, how are you coping. or 'ok i will try and push you through quicker'. he asked how my meds are going and i said okay. but i was really peed off with him.

so that was that. i do have an appt weith him next tuesday but not sure if i should bother.

there is no point i will not go to hospital. i can't go close to xmas, there is no point. and really what is a few days gong to do? and then i will lose pay which you all know that won't be good at home and finances.

i am hoping that things improve in our marriage, that when we sell our home and move into a place we call our own home will help. i know i have to change a lot but then so does he.

i really don't know what to do; i don't want to leave. but i don't know if i love him or even 'in love' with him. OMG thhis is sounding so bad isn't it? i sound like a terrible person don't i?

more time to think, can't wait for therapy to start again. i really need to chat to someone one on one. sometmes i feel like giving up everything 😞

Thanks @Shaz51 for your hugs xxxooo

Trying to take it easy and not let the pain get to me. Hoping it's not the cyst on my ovary bursting. I'm sure i would be in more pain than i am if it was bursting.

Hope you're hubby is okay, take care xxxooo

Hi @BlueBay

I am sure if I had a much happening as you do right now I wouldn't know which way was up - and I have been through a lot

But I never had to wait to get into a psychiatric clinic - and I was in-and-out-and-in-and-out-for-years.

So I am wondering about your psyche - like - does this guy really get you?

I am concerned about this pain you have in your tummy - it could be an ovarian cyst cooking up a storm - and if it gets really bad then you had better go to the ED - I have had one of those rupture and wow- that was not required at all - it is better to go and have it checked out and come home okay that have it blow on you -

With all the stress you are having atm I am not surprised all this is getting to be too much - I hope you can see your GP tomorrow - it sounds like a terrible nightmare to me

I think and think about what to write sometimes and then I can only write what I feel is happening, To me is seems as if everything is totally out of hand - and you need someone to take charge urgently -

To me it seems as if you need intervention really quickly and having pains in the belly is not something you can ignore either

Oh dear - everyone here cares about you - and we are all saying the same thing - I think - that it is all too much for you and you need space

Lots of hugs

Decadian

Oh sheesh @Shaz51

You have serious health problems of you own - how the hell is it your responsibilty to do more for your husband regarding his MI? That is really weird

I am really puzzled how you can do this - I understand we can make life more or less comfortable with MI issues - but in the long run we have to help ourselves - at least it seems that women have to.

I am shocked to read that either your husband has cancelled his programme or someone has cancelled out on him - and yeah - sounds like a cover-up

Surely when people get the flu surely they might need some home nursing - but the patient has to do their bit by following doctors instructions - with MI likewise

I hope we can support you through this - it sounds so bad

Decadian

Hi @pip

My psych isn't at his rooms today, tomorrow or Monday. I have an appt on Tuesday. Sometimes i think he just doesn't get it; he doesn't understand what it's like to be 'waiting on a list' for a bed. And he does not understand what it was like to see a regular therapist for 5 yrs and now not see him anymore and on my own for 3 weeks while waiting to see new one. He rambled something to me yesterday on the phone saying 'oh if you saw ....... (my therapist) for one week or 5 years you will still cope". That is what he said to me yesterday.

So do you know what i am going to do? I am going to write everything down and give it to him on Tuesday. i am going to write how angry i am at him for not contacting me when i first rang on Monday and had to wait until Wednesday when I rang him again. I am going to tell him 'how would you feel if you saw someone for 5 years every single week and told him every personal things in my life'. And I am then going to tell him 'you have no idea what it was like for me to leave my therapist's rooms last week for the last time".

That is what i am going to write in my letter to him. And I am going to say to him that I am not going to hospital in 4,5,6 weeks time when he is ready to put me in; i need it now. I am going to tell him how lonely it is at home, the little if nothign support I get and how frustrated, emotional i am at the moment. He needs to know.

(Boy am i angry!!!!)

Then, maybe then he will understand where i am coming from. It really annoys the crap out of me that every time I call him i have to call another time and another time just to get the message across that i need to speak with him. I sometimes wonder about my psych and how experienced he is with BPD.

@pip you're right, hubby and i are not on the same page. I should write a letter to him too!!!

It's too hard at the moment to think of everything, i can't deal with all this at the moment. Still not feeling that great, waiting to hear from my GP this morning to see what the next step is reg. taking the mirena out and sorting out the cyst and fibroids (really scared)

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I guess i just want muy psych to 'take me and help me' but he isn't and it's frustrating. But then again that's what a child would want and i am not a child. I don't know anymore.

Hi @Decadian

I do need space, i was thinking how nice would it be to just fly to Queensland for a few days and catch up with an old school friend. Bjut that won't happen because i have no money to go anywhere.

So it's just work for me, same thing day in day out. I have no choice in this at the moment. that's why i feel so stuck.

No @Decadian i don't think my psych really gets me and that is the bit that is frustrating.

Crampy pain still on left side, waiting to speak to my GP this morning when he gets results. That's what i am scared of (rupture) but don't worry because if the pain gets worse i will be calling my GP asap or go straight to ED.

Yeah i think you're right - at the moment it seems and feels that everything is out of control. my life, work, stress, my health, xmas, money, hubby etc etc

Let's see what today brings 🙂

@Decadian and @pip you have both supported me so much and I always forget to ask about both of you. I am so sorry it's not that I don't care about you both, i really do it's just that atm i forget to ask everyone how they all are. So i am hoping that you both are okay. xxxooo

@utopia i am sorry too, i never ask how you are. How is your head now. Have you managed to rest up?

Pls take care, I do care about you all. xxooo