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I'm back

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 Nov 2016, 4:47 pm AEDT

I'm back

Hi @NikNik @pip @Decadian@utopia@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Shaz51@Former-Member @CherryBomb @Silenus moderators and friends

I knew i wouldn't last!! I need you all. who was i kidding. Hubby and I went camping for 4 days and we argued so much about how to put the tent up, which post to use, wrong post, right post, etc etc etc

I couldn't read my book that i bought because he kept talking to me. At the end i gave up. We did walk around the perimeter of the caravan park which took 1/2 hour (huge park). I managed to swim which that gave me some peace and quiet for a little while.

We just snapped at each other most of the time. And when we didn't snap we sat and hardly spoke. he is the type of guy that doesn't say much but i noticed even in the car driving up (3.5 hours) he wouldn't start a conversation. So i just looked up facebook and read the paper, or fell asleep.

The weather was beautiful (25-30 every day). But i realised that i need space to myself. We are home now and he is washing the car, I have just put a load of washing on. the kids survived without us and actually not even keen to see us 😞

My mental state is not that great. The CAT team rang me on saturday to make sure i was okay and asked about my sleeping. The psych i saw gave me some sleeping tablet but i am still adjusting and don't like the drowsiness it causes the next day. I did call them again on sunday afternoon but they had to transfer me to the place that i went to and i sadi no don't worry as hubby was coming back to me anytime and i couldn't speak while he was there.

I have an appt tomorrow to see the CAT team psych again, i also have an appt to see my own psych in the afternoon. it will be interesting to see what he has to say abut me seeing the CAT tem psych.

I knew i wouldn't last being off here, i just needed to tell someone about my weekend. And as for intimacy and sex - well there is none. And it's prob my fault because i told him last time in hospital back in July that i wasn't interested. which is still true but i am sure he would like to.

I feel like a failure for not being able to stay away from this forum, i always have good intentions, set myself a goal but never go through with it. that's where i see myself as a huge failure.

anyway, just thought i would say hi to everyone and that i have missed you all even though it's not even a week. how patethic is that.

222 replies

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In response to: I'm back

pipSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 3:36 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

Hey@sadgirl. With your hubby 'letting off steam' over something he can let off steam about is easier than trying to understand your illness. Ranting and raving over remotes, t.v remotes, computers etc, he can because he feels he has control. Your illness and depression he can't control because he doesn't understand. Men need to feel 'in control' of things domestic. Wives, kids etc, fall into domestic, therefore he possibly looks on himself as 'head' so what he says 'goes'. When things don't work as he sees them, he rants. Perhaps instead of 'buying' into his rant, I suggest you distance yourself and do what makes you feel good. My ex was great at ranting and blaming me for the rant. He would rant for ages, while I watched t.v, read a book, checked my emails. I basically 'tuned' him out. After a while he would stop and that was that. initially, I would cower when he started, through my counselor on the forum I was involved with, I learnt to 'tune' him out and ignore the bull****. Once your hubby realizes his ranting is falling on deaf ears, he will stop and settle down. I realize it's hard, you want to support him, try to reason with him etc, but just accept he is a man and has to 'do his thing'. His thing is to 'rant', yours is to concentrate on what makes you happy.

In response to: I'm back

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 7:21 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

@pip I get what you're saying about hubby. I'm going to try and think of something else when he rants and raves.
I phoned my own psych on weekend and left msg. Receptionist called yesterday to say he is not in on Monday but will call me today. She knew I was upset because I was crying when she rang. Guess what??? I'm still waiting for his call. He has done this so many times before. No phone call means loneliness and rejection. There is no one to call. He knows I asked for hospital yet he doesn't ring.

In response to: I'm back

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 7:23 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

Hi @BlueBells
Yeah simple and easy is the key. And no other siblings or parents = no arguments ✅

In response to: Re: I'm back

pipSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 7:32 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

Hey @BlueBay. Your psych is starting to give me the irrits and I don't know you or him. Is there some way of getting a referral for a different psych? I think perhaps you should investigate the possibility of trying to see another psych, preferably one who cares, this one sure doesn't seem to. Could you ring the hospital direct and ask for some help there. I think someone suggested you perhaps look at going directly to the hospital or perhaps seeing if your Dr could get you admitted for treatment. I realize that's a scary thought but you need help and you don't seem to be getting any. How would you feel about maybe being admitted for a week or so, just to get you feeling a bit more positive about yourself. It would also get you away from hubby and his rants. The constant lack of response from your psych is doing nothing for your confidence. Is the psych affiliated with any hospital? if he is, try the hospital he is affiliated with. He must have to answer to a higher authority. If he works at a hospital, I should imagine he would be monitored to ensure he provides adequate service to all patients.

In response to: Re: I'm back

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 7:54 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

Ha ha @pip you make me laugh 🙂

Yeah i am starting to get really annoyed as well. If i left a msg saying i would like to go to hospital wouldn't you think that he would call me straight away. But no not him. Not sure if i told you before but i did leave this psych at the start of the year and saw another really good psych but he is in the same clinic as mine. he saw me twice and then said that he thought it would be better if i went back to my psych. so stupid me went back like a little girl who had done wrong and then apologised profusely to my psych to leaving him and seeing someone else.

I have thought about leaving this psych again, maybe once i settle with my new lady psychologist i will leave him.

he just annoys me off so much, i feel like ringing tomorrow morning and telling his receptionist to give him a msg and say forget calling me back, because there is no point.

I'm too scared to go to a public hospital and the hospital near me is a horrible public mental health section. can't go there. my psych has admitting rights in the private hosptial where i have been before. i could phone the hosptial, actually i think i will tomorrow and ask to be put on the waiting list and not tell my psych. let them tell him. i don't care what excuse he comes up with this time, he will prob tell me he never got my msg. it's just not good enough.

i have monday and tuesdays off work so i could take friday off work and go in then and stay until tuesday. at least i wouldn't lose too much pay. that would give me a break from everyone, hubby ranting and raving and stress from life.

even though he admits at the hospital, he has his own clinic with two other psychiatrists.

what should i do @pip

In response to: Re: I'm back

Shaz51Senior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 8:04 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

Hello @BlueBay, @pip, @BlueBells, @Change123, @utopia xx

hey @BlueBay

i am starting to get really annoyed as well. with my kidney specialist , I have 1 kidney and the doctor asked what side is my kidney on-- left or right side ??

I will ring the specialist and ask , Ha ha , left messages but noone has rang back yet xx

In response to: Re: I'm back

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 8:09 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

I understand your frustration @Shaz51.

In response to: Re: I'm back

BlueBellsSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:24 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

hi @BlueBay, @Shaz51,

When BlueBoard closed, I felt pretty bad when I realised how much I used/needed the support. It was like my 'safety net' - always there, 24/7, and not long before someone replied.

I felt I was weak when I realised I relied on BB. I am not on Sane much, as the format is difficult for me when I feel overwhelmed, BUT I am now aware that seeking support is not weak, pathetic, hopeless etc, it is normal, and healthy, and even wise, to do so.

Shaz, what sort of doc doesn't even check the notes??? Mine check notes as soon as I arrive !

Sadgirl, what age are your children?

Just ponder these thoughts.

Do you and hubby still love each other? Is the situation likely to change? Do you want to be in the same situation in , say, 5 years time?

I'll post something my therapist gave me last year, took me months to be brave enough to put it on the wall 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm back

BlueBellsSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:34 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

@Shaz51 @BlueBay and everyone else 🙂

YOUR BASIC ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

You have the right to :

1. Be treated with respect
2. Experience and express your feelings
3. Say 'no' without feeling guilty
4. Take your time to think things over
5. Change your mind
6. Ask for what you want
7. Ask for information
8. Make mistakes
9. Feel good about yourself

In response to: Re: I'm back

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:34 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

@BlueBells

these are really tough questions. my children are 24 daughter, 23 son and 20 son. all living at home still but daughter is thinking of moving out early next year with her boyfriend. son 23 is applying for police force so if he gets in he will leave home and son 20 is in last year of uni next year and he has already mentioned that he will leave home end of next year.

so then - it's just us two. it is scary, i really don't know.

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