Socialising for Beginners

@tyme

Those are all the reasons I stayed on the forum. Typing was easier than talking. lol I also went over a lot of posts and threads to examine and reflect how they evolved, and how people responded to me.

I knew people did not want to hear about my sob story, and had to wait for a long time before my grief and tears subsided. So I have worked at developing my weird sense of humour. I have done a lot of therapy and have access to the internet YAY, so understand more about life's general parameters and myself. I am not so shy, words flow a lot better. Allowing them flow to the fingers, seemed to help them flow to the mouth ... lol

I also know I needed to limit my people pleasing and stand my ground when people were disrespectful. I am going through a really weird stage in life where over a year, I have stood up to 4 dominant people who were manipulating or bullying, with it effecting my son or the church where it is concerning as nobody wins by allowing bullying to happen, certainly not the church. It felt terrifying, but I harnessed all my energy to do so. There were reasons that were bigger than just me.

Strangely new people are entering my orbit, who I am having more fun connecting to others naturally without overthinking all I do and say. Working on genuine affection, connection plus the ability to say 'no' as needed. Maybe something like that will evolve for you.

Who knows where this adventure will end ...??

@tyme Well the little bit I know off you, everyone who misses crossing paths with you is

missing out. You always show a gentle, thoughtful and kind shop front. and to a certainty I know behind your windows, jars of helping others candy, is always on special.

Now me on the other hand. I promise I would totally understand If you didn't reply to me in real life, or in electro land

My mirror goes into cardiac arrest, and I know I lack boundaries.

You do what you do, and leave things better as you go.

Thats All. tonys moon base one

So sweet @tonys @Appleblossom .

Thank you for responding.

Sounds like we are are amateurs and all learning to be more 'social'....

I'm ready to tackle it. I'll never LOVE it, but at least I know how to fake it.

@tyme oooooooh that is deep. tonys mb 1

Hi @tyme @thanks for your thoughts.

I’ve found the whole socialise “thing” to be really challenging.

It was also really tough when I entered the forums, as I really wanted to participate but ended up being so clumsy that I’m sure I came across as a bit contrived. But this may have just been down to confidence I guess.

I can safely say that I’m now starting to find my own groove in this space (which can be a bit fluid). It’s nice to see some champion regulars but I also love discovering a great new bod (even if the connection is only fleeting).

I guess I’m more focussed now on myself first, and how I go about socialising in this space has to have meaning for me. Upon reflecting on this overnight I think there’s nothing really new for my - my moral compass just has to be on. And I have to “say what I mean” and “mean what I say”.

I found it comforting to know that my words meant something, too, @Delicatessen. I'd only had my ex-psy previously, and he made me do all the talking. Here is a two-way street, and it's really nice to be able to discuss our different points of view.

The forums were tough for me too (at the beginning), but now, I couldn't be more comfortable. @Delicatessen .

I remember when you first posted. For some reason, I was absolutely drawn to your posts, particularly your connection with nature.

I'm so glad you did not give up on the forums.

Hello @Appleblossom @Delicatessen @Historylover @tyme @MDT @tonys and all contributing to this thread -

A quiet thankyou for your collective wisdom...

I have decided socialising is a bit like fitness and flexing a muscle. If you dont use it you lose it. When someone asked me today how I was. I could respond brimming after my last few great days. Good. I cracked bad mum jokes, and had serious theological conversation, was kind to a newcomer and a lovely lady came and retrieved my coffee cup. I used to feel so incredibly awkward when socialising, so fearful, or patiently trying and getting nowhere. I had a moment of uncertainty, should I stay or run, but hung in there. The bossy lady asked me to get involved with something and I responded curtly "not sure".

The man out front brought in eastern philosophy of the Gunas and Beethoven and respects mental health issues. He is a good man. The lady out the front was ridiculous and made us all laugh about buying ethical eggs.