FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Recovery Club

Socialising for Beginners

Socialising for Beginners

Thanks for the encouragement @Jynx
I put it in the Looking After Ourselves section as I believe the forums social spaces do a good job, of allowing the online community to get together in various social ways. I am more interested in working out or working through real life socialising experiences. Where we do not have the protections offered by anonymous online interactions.
Socialising for grown ups who have been isolated and are trying to re-enter general community groups or just trying to meet people is no easy feat. Its more difficult than for children and puppies as we usually have a lot more baggage, whatever that may mean.
From the online dictionary for a start:
verb: socialise
1.
participate in social activities; mix socially with others.
"guests can socialize in a real holiday atmosphere"
2.
make (someone) behave in a way that is acceptable to their society.
"newcomers are socialized into orthodox ways"
Similar words:
interact
converse
be sociable
mix
mingle
get together
meet
Seems to require more than simple social skills training.
I started one therapeutic relationship with that as my main goal. I knew I had limits and was willing to learn, but she was not a great a teacher and eventually admitted it was not her strength. I have accepted that I am relatively introverted and there are advantages and safety with that, but also the yearning for human connection persists within me. So I do not really want to keep myself to myself. This forum has been a wonderful opportunity for me to try different things and meet people.

Just tagging a few who I feel may be interested, but this discussion is open ...

@Dimity @Historylover @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Eve7 @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

@MDT @StuF @TAB @tonys

What do you think?

336 replies

171 - 180 of 336
1...171819...34

In response to: Socialising for Beginners

Re: Socialising for Beginners

It sounds like you maybe still navigating the balance around speaking up @Appleblossom. It is good that it worked out well when you spoke up to the lady on Zoom. Maybe it's a mama bear thing but I hesitate much less when I am speaking up for my kids than myself too.

I like how you say it is about choice and control - that way it's hopefully more about speaking up on your terms and not anyone else's.

Maybe it's because speaking up goes against your grain that is still feels a bit foreign for you? Hopefully it will start to feel more helpful and natural for you soon so it doesn't trigger you in a negative way. I really hope as you gain more familiarity with speaking up those those triggers lessen for you.

In response to: Re: Socialising for Beginners

Re: Socialising for Beginners

hello and hugs @Appleblossom it does take time

Maybe it's a mama bear thing but I hesitate much less when I am speaking up for my kids than myself too. ---- this is very true @FloatingFeather

feels a bit foreign to me too @Appleblossom , @FloatingFeather xxx

In response to: Re: Socialising for Beginners

Re: Socialising for Beginners

Thank you @FloatingFeather and @Shaz51

For so long it was "save me breath".

Even the speaking up as mama bear was rendered rare.

I am getting better at it.

Spoke up in counselling today and seemed to have a reasonable result.

Getting coaching from her about socialising and groups, as well as speaking my deep multi-layered truths.

In response to: Re: Socialising for Beginners

Re: Socialising for Beginners

Back from exercise and enjoyed it. Know it is good for me physically. Many people were dressed up for easter. We had a gorgeous yellow chook, a rabbit, almost becoming rabbit stew cos of exercising in bunny suit ... and many eggcellent jokes ... and bunny ears...

It was just lovely and a big shift from the way I was brought up so seriously to think about easter. We were enjoying being old and silly. I was feeling gentle and shy but still talked a tiny bit to a few people and came home.

In response to: Re: Socialising for Beginners

Re: Socialising for Beginners

@FloatingFeather going over our posts .... and reflecting ... that just speaking ... is a change. I often do body language to save speaking ... so ... really a beginner ... just having little gradual getting to know you convos. Speaking up ... as in assertion ... is another level again.

In response to: Socialising for Beginners

Re: Socialising for Beginners

Good morning @Historylover

How are you?

In response to: Re: Socialising for Beginners

Re: Socialising for Beginners

Hello, @Kyle1. Nice to hear from you. Well, I've just put the washing on the line and was just wondering what I would do with the rest of my day. I don't have to wonder for long though, as I'm immersed in doing 3 assignments for my course at once. what about you?

In response to: Re: Socialising for Beginners

Re: Socialising for Beginners

Washing on the line already?! @Historylover you must have been up at 5 to get your washing started... 😮

Gosh - you're a go getter, hey!

I have a table reserved for the kids and I later this evening. Until then, I might just float about and hope I don't mind too much about it. I've woken thinking negatively about some so called friends who haven't turned up for me over these past few weeks.

People like that are not worth first morning kind of thoughts - this I know. And yet it has happened. So I'm trying to get my nose raised up and dignified about moving on 😆 ...

In response to: Re: Socialising for Beginners

Re: Socialising for Beginners

Just my usual morning routine, @Kyle1. I used to be even more efficient but I'm allowing myself a degree of laxity of late.

Sounds like you have a nice evening to look forward to.

Our thoughts can be intrusive sometimes. I was thinking this morning about how, when we think we are just going about our chores, our minds are continually working on one past event or another. Like an unraveling for deeper consideration. I guess our brains never rest.

I have wondered about friends, of late, too. I've come to the conclusion that acquaintances must be the way to go.

There's no avoiding reflecting on our lives when life takes unexpected turns, @Kyle1. 🌞 Life can be a bummer sometimes.

In response to: Re: Socialising for Beginners

Re: Socialising for Beginners

What are your assignments related to, @Historylover ? Can I ask...

Seems everyone at the forums are wading in assignments! ...

171 - 180 of 336
1...171819...34