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Smell is triggering

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Smell is triggering

Can anyone help me?

Lately I have been smelling cigarette smoke but there is no one smoking. The smell was in my room last night and it triggers one of the abusers. I can smell it so clearly and it reminds me of one of the guys. The smell is so strong. Not sure if this is like hallucinations but with smell instead of seeing something/someone???

How do I overcome this? Why is this happening now? Does anyone have any advice/suggestions?

46 replies

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In response to: Smell is triggering

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: Smell is triggering

Hi @Former-Member

I can't do that - write a letter and tell them. You know why? - because I know it would deeply hurt my dad and that is something I can't do. If it was my mum alone, then maybe. But my poor dad he is stuck in the middle.

6 yrs ago when all this came out and I walked out of my parent's home after a horrible argument with her, I posted a letter to them explaining the abuse, depression and anxiety. Explained to them why i need to see a psychologist (as mum referred it to me as me being 'too weak'). But she returned the letter.

So I can only imagine what she would do if I sent her another letter explaining more about the abuse.

And I've heard through the grapevine that my brother is not talking to my parents (argument about something completely differrent), so he is an outer as well.

I think what i really need to do is try (don't know how) to move on. Try to live my life even though at times it is so damn difficult. But I have my 3 adult children and my husband - they are my family now.

But it still hurts, so much that I have lost contact; my children have no contact also.

In response to: Smell is triggering

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: Smell is triggering

@BlueBay. Maybe @Former-Member is right. Maybe writing the letter will help you. You don't even need to send it to them.
Write down all the pain, anger, hurt & sorrow.
Name all perpetrators in this letter. Tell them you will no longer be their victim. You have moved on and they cannot hurt you anymore. It can be a letter to all of them.
This might be something that you could work on with your psychologist. Together.
When is your psychologist appointment?

In response to: Smell is triggering

Unknown userMember

Re: Smell is triggering

Hi @BlueBay, only just brave enough to read this thread. I sense your great distress over these 'flashbacks' - I agree with Lisajane's psych saying smells (or any of the 5 senses) can carry flashbacks without the other memories with them. I occasionally get this too - stale cigarette but also 'beer-breath' smell, from nowhere that makes me nauseous (horrible, I hate walking in pubs, or be in parties for this reason).

To put it in my words, think "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is like epilepsy where the brain is misfiring because of emotional scars or trauma" The brain can play tricks on us and make anything seem real. You know how we learn not to touch the hotplate 'once bitten twice shy' - this is the purpose of normal flashbacks / remembering - for good, to keep us safe etc. All our stress responses continue 'till we learn. Somehow, with trauma, this process seems to get stuck like a scratched record (scar) instead of finishing the job.
Its cruel, like torture what these flashbacks do to us. One day I yelled at them and told them to "STOP! you do not have any further use in my life" Interesting they have lessoned since that day.

Other things I do that help:
- one of this Air Wick air freshener automatic pump that overpowers other smell.
- keep a small jar of Vicks in my handbag to dab on my upper lip.

I want to tell you one day how I cope with memory of my older brother's abuse one day, but not now, its hard, remind me if I forget.

You're not alone in this Sadgirl, we're walking beside you. You may not feel like it but you're actually working through it and will emerge much stronger. Big hug my fellow survivor. xox

In response to: Smell is triggering

Unknown userMember

Re: Smell is triggering

Hi @BlueBay 💜
Like @utopia said. Perhaps write a letter and don't send it.
I've done that too. Then I either tear it up and throw it in the bin, or burn it in our fire place.
It did help me, even though I didn't send it.
🌷🌻🌼🌺

In response to: Smell is triggering

Unknown userMember

Re: Smell is triggering

Oh, I really hope you have your kids at Christmas @Former-Member. 💕

Try and do nice things for yourself during this stressful time. 🌹🌼🌸

In response to: Re: Smell is triggering

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: Smell is triggering

Thank you so much @Former-Member. Be gentle today, hope you are okay.

Chat soon xxoo

In response to: Smell is triggering

Unknown userMember

Re: Smell is triggering

In response to: Re: Smell is triggering

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: Smell is triggering

@Former-Member

What is going on? I have never said that I don't want you to reply. I take your replies and sincerely love chatting to you. I don't know why you are so angry with me.

Some days I just don't get to read all the posts but when I do i always reply like i have today to you.

I don't wnat you to stop.

Now I am shattered

In response to: Smell is triggering

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: Smell is triggering

@BlueBay & @Former-Member. You both help each other so much with your advice and support. Please don't let emotional moments stop either of you from communicating with each other. You both have a lot to offer.
Maybe make a cup of tea. Take a few breaths.
You are both loved and supported here.

In response to: Re: Smell is triggering

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: Smell is triggering

@utopia

I can't deal with this. I may as well leave the forum for good. Everytime I try to chat to others on here I get in trouble, for whatever reason, I still don't know.

I am so hurt by those comments, i know i am sensitive, but this is too strong for me to cope with.

Too upset to even chat at the moment. I really don't know what i have done wrong. Anyway i need to stop crying. this is a shock for me to read

I wish the mods would moderate properly. @NikNik if you're around I really need to talk

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