Smell is triggering

Hi @BlueBay

we have a lot in common... i also have nothing from my childhood. no photos, no memorabilia.. nothing. I have no contact with any of my family and i'm safer for it. both physically and psychologically. But its also incredibly isolating and lonely. its also a big factor that my ex has stated repeatedly in family court against me... but i have some good friends and my kids have good relationships iwth a range of people! the only times that i really feel they miss out is at christmas/easter... where its just us.. or jsut their dad and his parents.

i've spent a lot of time trying to work out what i have control over.. and the only thing i have control over is myself, and what i choose to do next. i cant change what i did two minutes ago, but i can change what i do next. i'm going to make mistakes, i'm going to go off of my diet etc, but i can move on from that by making a better choice when i realise. I think its the same maybe in our relationships. we cant change the persson, only how we choose to react to them/engage with them etc? What does your therapist say about how to interact with your mum/family? do they have any suggestions?

I also agree with what @utopia has said, she's a wise soul. keep working through things with your therapist. let them help you to challenge things and thoughts. its hard.. but worth it i think.

i've started to touch on the edge of anger and it scares me lol, but.. its progress... or so i've been told. its moving through it...

Hi @BlueBay

Just a thought, but perhaps you should write a letter to your mum and dad and tell them what your brother did to you. Personally I think they should know and hopefully it will help you. What do you think?

I can totally understand why you hate your brother. No wonder you feel so angry etc. It is very wrong, what he did.

I believe it's harder to get over abuse, when it has been done by a family member.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will get easier. When is your appointment at the pshchologist? I seem to remember that she was able to help you before, so I am sure she will be able to help you again. I can imagine what you are going through sadgirl, I've felt like that too. It is a horrible stage to go through and you will get through it. Here for you. xoxo

I sent another message on your Christmas thread and one on your Blue knot thread, the other day. Not sure if you saw them. Just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking of you.

Hi @Former-Member You've been on my mind lately too. I read somewhere that you are going through the court case at the moment, how stressful for you and really sorry to hear that you won't have your kids with you for Christmas. Sending you a big hug.

I usually hate Christmas day, so I am going to try and think of something different to do, so it won't be so stressful and depressing.

Here for you too. xoxoxo

Hi @Former-Member

yes there's so much going on at the moemnt. im not even sure what is happening with the kids at Christmas yet, it all has to be worked out, and theres so much pressure from everywhere/courts who knows what will happen between now and christmas anyway. AGH. the unknown makes it harder. just got to get through the next few weeks and maybe things will be clearer or easier...

sorry to hear that xmas is not great for you either 😞 so much made of that one day a year and it comes around too fast. Glad that you are thinking proactively around the day and getting organised.

LJ

Hi @BlueBay

Sorry to hear your having such a difficult time through this trigger of smell and all that you have spoken about on this thread. I have and often experience those types of smells, sensations etc and have felt terribly disturbed by them, particularly when they come out of the blue. I think what others have mentioned here are the things that I use (grounding exercises, distraction, whateverr works). Those experiences can feel so traumatising and yet I think somehow its the brain unleashing and healing in its own way. I also need to work hard at accepting that smell, sensation, etc because I fight internally a lot of it because I am so angry that this is still going on for me all these years later and just how badly I have been affected and how it has infiltrated so many areas of my life. So I am working at mindfulness and acceptance of how I am day to day, slowly learning to care for myself and understand myself more. It's such a long journey. I must say that, now I am noticing occasionally my brain will let off a smell or sensation that is now brininging back some of the more pleasant memories from my childhood that have significantly been blocked out alongside all the disgusting stuff. When it happens it is really beautiful...I am still new on this forum, I hope my sharing is ok. Much care:)

Thanks @PurpleFlowers 🙂

Yeah, maybe it is the brains way of releasing all the trauma?? I'm not sure. When I see my new psychologist in a few weeks time I will discuss this with her.

It's nice to read that now you can have certain smells that give you pleasant memories 🙂

Thank you @utopia