Power relationship

Hi @utopia. I agree, a friend would advise you to be careful, but I doubt they would actually advise against the outing. He actually advised against. The person I was considering going out with, is a workmate. I have known him for nearly a year, we have worked together many times. We get on well, seem to share common interests etc. I suggested a while ago to this other guy, I'll call him G, that I wouldn't be opposed to a long distance online love relationship with him. He seemed quite happy with the idea and said it suited him perfectly. I have told him many times I love him, he says he feels the same, but he has never confirmed the gf/bf relationship. I have two grown children, both married. When they were in their teens, I never actually opposed them going out with someone they were attracted to. Sometimes I did feel uneasy about them dating someone I didn't know, but I never said much. They knew I was 'there' for them if necessary, but all I ever told them was have fun, behave and always remember, they had the right to end the outing. I found, telling them to 'be careful' caused the 'we know what we're doing' answer. I am a grown woman, I have enough 'nouse' not to get into an awkward situation, G, should respect me enough to know I'm not going to get into a situation I can't get out of. If, for instance my colleague invites me to his house, no way. We either go out for dinner/coffee, or we go to a movie. I go home alone after. I had told G, this. I can't help feeling there is some jealousy from G. Another work colleague (male) did suggest if G did react the way I've just described, it's highly likely he does love me, but men being men, he wouldn't want to say it because men confirming they love a woman is something a lot of men are not comfortable with. this other colleague has been married and said divorce affects men in ways women have no concept of. G is divorced. He said G, would probably continue evading the issue until he was ready to admit. This guy actually said G, would admit when he was ready, but patience is necessary because pinning him could cause him to face something he simply isn't ready to.

@pip. As my psychologist reminded me today - you don't know anything - you are guessing - you are doing the opposite of what police do - you already think you know & then you go looking for the pieces to match your imaginings. You don't know anything. Only he can tell you his story. Stop imagining. Because you might be adding 2 +2 & getting 4. But his story could be 2+2=50.
This is what my psychologist said to me with regards to my old friend.
Does any of this sound like it could apply to your story?
The reality is he may truly love you as a gf. But the truth is - you don't know. Because he needs to say it. It needs to be clear that you both have added 2+2 & come up with the same answer.
Until you get a definite answer from him - I think you just need to keep your friendship how it is & try not to read too much into it. Otherwise, I worry, you could get badly hurt.
But please let me know what he says tomorrow when you talk. Just be honest. Explain what you mean by a non permanent relationship - so there is no confusion. And be honest that you want to be his gf.

Hi @utopia. Ouch, I do 'get' what you're saying and agree. He knows how I feel regarding the gf status. I think it's more frustration than hurt I'm experiencing. Actually the police quite often 2nd guess and often come up with the right answer, but I hear what you are saying. Sometimes even the police do get it wrong too. It's just that I'm not a lover of games and never have been. I've always been impatient and I guess it's showing. If I don't hear tomorrow I guess I'll just have to wait it out. He may need time to work out how to say what? I'm working so that'll help time to go. I have decided men are strange creatures, unlike us 'straight' shooting women. Women are emotional, men are not. We think with our hearts, how they think - you tell me? lol.

Police often second guess or get it wrong @pip. That made ne laugh. Because I said the same thing to my psychologist last time he told me that.
Lol. I think you and I are very similar. We love intensely. We are impatient. We want the truth. But ouch. Sorry about that. I love the idea of being in control and when things aren't within my control but someone else's - then I struggle and my anxiety builds. One of my 'light bulb' moments today.
I'm sorry if I was too blunt. Didn't mean to cause offence or pain.

Hey @utopia. None taken, offense I mean. I don't get offended these days. I used to, but have developed a hard, exterior. If I took offense every time someone said something, I would spend much of my time under my covers. My work involves (often) inappropriate comments from people who think they have the right to make such comments. Yeah, you and me probably are carved the same, guess that's what makes us so 'lovable'. Sometimes I do get impatient with this guy, but only because games are not my thing. If someone asked me if I loved them and I knew I did, I guess I would tell them yes, without all the bullshit. I think because I love him and freely admit it, I sort of feel if he feels the same, he should just admit it. Guys are funny about committing and admitting. It's just not part of their natural vocabulary/makeup. Guys are not really monogamous, they like to know they're wanted by all females. I think it's an ego thing. Females on the other hand basically are 'one man, one woman'. Even married men like to think/imagine they're wanted by every female who crosses their path. They won't necessarily act on it, but it's a need.

@pip. Yes we are definitely lovable. But I will disagree with you regarding men not being avle to say I love you or to commit to one woman.
I realky think all of that depends on that persons life experiences. I know many women who cannot trust and say I love you & many men who love telling and demonstrating to their partner their love for them.
We are all on a journey. Some have had a tough upbringing. Some have suffered severe traumas. Some have lost trust in human kind and also in themselves.
Hopefully your special friend will be able to be honest with you regarding his feelings. Hopefully he will also trust you enough to share his fears with you. That truly would be a lovely partnership.
Sweet Dreams my sister - who is so like me.

Hi @utopia. I should've been clearer with the statement regarding men's reaction to committing. As you say anyone who has suffered a bad experience regarding the opposite sex will hold back with the 'love and kisses, till death do us part' bit. Also many of us raised in toxic family's often find difficulty being honest because honesty has not been part of the home life. Having to 'fight' for survival/recognition of being accepted as part of the family can also cause distrust. My friend (from what I've gathered) did enjoy a happy home life. He is one of five (I think), including a twin brother. His marriage went pear-shaped when his wife betrayed him. He does have extremely strong views regarding marriage and the thought of betrayal means end of marriage - no second chance, no discussion. I have told him I view marriage/commitment seriously, but have no wish to enter a marriage or de-facto. If I had the knowledge that he viewed me as gf, just the knowledge of that would satisfy me. All I'm wanting is the knowledge that he views me as gf. He has told his twin and one son about me, he sent me photo's of his twin, plus son/DIL, g'daughters. So there is something that tells me there is a connection. He sent me a video clip when his g'daughters sang happy birthday to him, he did post on fb, but to actually, personally send me the clip makes me think there is a connection. Better get moving my friend, another day, another $1.

Hi @utopia. I'm dancing on the moon. Just had clarification. He apparently decided long ago there is a connection, I am his gf. He loves me, no doubt. He actually apologized for not clarifying earlier. Said he thought I knew.

Woo Hoo. Sorry @pip but im going to swear now. How f***ing amazing. Woo Hoo. You officially have a bf. You are officially his gf.
Party popper time.
How do you feel?

Hi @utopia. YOU'RE going to swear. You should've heard me. I let out a yell that would've done credit for a corpse. HE LOVES ME. Party poppers, no, the drinks are on me. There is absolutely no way in HELL I will ever look at another guy. I Have THE ONE I want, woo hoo hoo - honey, the one that I want, woo, hoo ,hoo. Grease is THE word. Sorry, I'm not usually like this, but I'm in love and HE LOVES ME.